the main objective of any bathroom visit is minimizing the time spent in such a visit. the main deterant of achieving this objective is 'splash'. splash is caused by a force that displaces a fluid medium in diverse directions and it adds precious seconds to your bathroom visit time by a) splashing all over your pants, and b) splashing all over everything else. b is not that much of a problem if you have no bathroom etiquette, but a is an unfun situation that you will wish to rectify before exiting the bathroom.
splash is a function of distance, incident angle and ratio of the splash indices of the two media, water/urine and procelain. the index of splash of water/urine on water/urine is effectively one. the splash index of water porcelain is approximately zero. thus, to minimize splash, one need only strike porcelain, rather than water.
can that not be done standing? initially, yes. however, the horizontal component of the distance achieved is a decreasing function of the force of fluid pressure in the bladder. more plainly stated, is that the distance between you and the moment of incidence decreases quite quickly. to maintain the incident point (or splash point) at the strategic position of porcelain, one must move forward to decrease the distance between the initial position (d = 0) and splash point (d = f(p)) at the same rate of force/pressure decrease.
couldn't you just calculate the perfect angle to strike the water in which the subsequent splash is limited to the confines of the bowl? that angle is 0 degrees, directly above the bowl. any splashing that occurs will be directly upward with little to no lateral splashing.
therefore, the way to minimize splash is to assume a seated posture. initial release will strike the porcelain, nullifying any splash. in the latter portion of said release, when fluid pressure is near zero and the distance/force is minimal, the incident angle will be approximately zero, thus rendering further extrabowlular splashing to zero. furthermore, the seal formed by the buttocks and thighs will intercept any stray, stubborn droplets that cared to defy the laws of toilet physics.
david dunham
7 comments:
what the...=P
can you say Ig-Nobel Prize?????
it requires more mathematics. and lab results. and a graph. and a diagram of the apparatus. and an abstract.
and a floating frog.
why the floating frog?
and a floating strawberry. they levitated some really strange things. if you haven't gone yet, go to the Ig-Nobel prize website and read some of the other things they awarded. some are hilarious. like "sexual arousal in ostriches caused by human presence" and other such coolnesses.
top ten ways to pique an ostrich's interest, eh?
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