i wanted sunshine so you gave me a dandelion

i thought i was talking about hot dogs but then i wasn't and it was weird and the hot dog ate the bun like a japanese eater-man who ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes and that was gross. then again, japanese eater-man is the coolest, beating out american fat-mans in eating contest. if world war II had been fought on the competitive eating level, the outcome may have been totally different. innocent lives would have been spared, documentary companies will have gone bankrupt, as would miniature model shack and palm tree makers. then the russians would not have invented their own fat-boys and baby boomers would be less paranoid and bomb shelters would be made of hay or sticks and not of bricks.

use Secret Power to dig a Secret Base to house your pokedolls and furnishings. nincada used scratch! critical hit! it was not very effective. enemy cradily fainted! nincada grew to level 20! what...? nincada is evolving! nincada evolved to... ninjask! ninjask wants to learn double team but can only know 4 moves. what move should be deleted for ninjask to learn double team? forget harden? 1...2...3...poof! ninjask forgot harden! ninjask learned double team! ninjask wants to learn fury cutter but can only know 4 moves. what move should be deleted for ninjask to learn fury cutter? stop learning fury cutter? ninjask did not learn fury cutter. ninjask wants to learn screech but can only know 4 moves. what move should be deleted for ninjask to learn screech? forget scratch? 1...2...3...poof! ninjask forgot scratch! ninjask learned screech!

sausages and cupcakes

i feel off, disconnected from everything and everyone around me, for so long now that i'm not quite sure i can even recall what i felt before. my pendulum is longer than your's, baby, yeah. T = 2*pi*sqrt(m*L/g) therefore T alpha L^1/2.

as i go about doing the things that i do, it seems like my performance has dropped. i'm a little slower, a little dumber, and it all adds up. the pedal is down but the granny-on-walker is still faster.

maybe i'm not going on all 6 cylinders - i know i'm a 6 cylinder. maybe a few of them are stuck (peanut butter, a la magic school bus - but that was air intake). maybe everything around me is improving while i'm where i always was. short legs are great for acceleration, but in the longer haul it takes more effort i guess.

or maybe i've just begun to see the bigger picture, how inadequate i always was, how much further i need to go. jiminny crickets my ultimate super plan is hard to work up to. there seems to be too much time for commercials and there are no apparent fruits for my labour. so i'm working for an uncertainty, with nothing to show for it for quite a long time. at what point do i slip from patient to stupid stubborn? is there a give up point (not really an option)? or at least a place to rest up for the last legs of the journey? give me something to work with, i'm out of ideas.

cheese poodle

i hate it when i'm stupid.

---

OSAP status: on hold
reason: discrepancy in application information
details: according to the Ministry of Transportation, driver's license does not exist.

reaction: oh snap.

i was just about to get furious when i noticed that i had made a typo (reversed the order of the first two numbers after the letter) in my application. hoorah for hoimin. way to make more work for yourself. at least i got mail.

plus, i overnapped during lunch at work by 15 minutes =( hoorah for hoimin. way to be tired. at least my pillow was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

poombuugar

i don't think i've ever had spaghetti accidentally dumped on my head, but if it were to happen i'd be mildly annoyed. at least flustered. spaghetti stains only target white shirts.

waiting is hard. all that standing and not moving... it had better be worth it.

Movie Review: Dodgeball

Starring: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Christine Taylor, Jason Bateman, Rip Torn

an entertaining look at the true spirit of competitive dodgeball. there were many outrageous moments, a staple in a ben stiller movie. i thought the story was a bit lacking, the acting was a bit wishywashy and some of the gags were a bit low. the only saving point was ben stiller as white goodman, the over the top nazi, ex-fat, gym tycoon.

not quite up to par with zoolander and vince vaughn looks like tom hanks. ball in the groin happened so often that it wasn't even funny.
2.5 out of 5

what's after castlefrank?

Erica: psst, do you think that girl is cute?
Herman: oh, yes.
Erica: you have a crush on her!
rushes off to get Brenda.
Erica: Brenda! come! i have something to tell you!
Brenda: okay!
both scamper to where Herman is standing.
Brenda: what?
Erica: Herman has a crush on that girl!
Brenda: teeheehaahaa!

well, that was different.

mostly for the benefit of female readers, please be warned that the following is not kosher blogging material and is only written for it's obtuse hilarity. the following is in no way intended to make you sit with a straight face. on the humour scale of class, this is about as low as it goes (right down there with spontaneous combustion due to bowel gas and dropping soap) , thus i will try to spin it as refinedly as possible.
highlight at your own discretion:
you know how sometimes when limbs "fall asleep" you get pins and needles? i had the misfortune of having my penis fall asleep in that very same way as i was sitting. i can only attribute the cause to prolonged penile inactivity.
at first i thought a drawstring was positioned improperly within my shorts, but a quick mental check of the design of my shorts - drawstrings on the outside - spared me the checkup - or checkdown, as would have been the case.
generally the first reaction to any sleeping limb is to massage it awake. i opted for a discrete prod of the narcoleptic organ instead and found it to be oddly unfeeling. curiouser and curiouser.
before i could investigate further, i.e. visual inspection, i felt the urge to empty my bladder. in the process of doing so, the aforementioned sleepy-head (pun very much intended) was wakened and all was right with the world once again.

this is getting ridiculous

Tim: Herman, do you have a girlfriend?
Herman: Nope.
Tim:Yes you do. She goes to my church.
Herman: What?
Tim: How old are you?
Herman: 19
Tim: How come you don't have a girlfriend yet?
Herman: what do you mean, yet? Go eat your lunch.

i guess they don't believe that i'm going to marry avril lavigne anymore. i'm beginning to answer more snappishly regarding their nosing into my personal life. And since Tim only just got back from vacation for this week, i can only assume that someone informed him of Justin's declaration (see below) sometime before lunch. which means that there is some manner of rumour mill going on within the campers.
also...

Elim: Do you remember an Elisa?
Herman: Um... no?
Elim: She remembers you.
Herman: I guess we were juniors together or something. I don't remember anything from junior or senior.
Elim: Me neither. But she remembers you. She's got pictures.
Herman: "THIS is Herman" points
Elim: Apparently you were her boyfriend.
Herman: I guess it's not that good that I don't remember her then.

okay. that was weird. Elim is a co-worker, and also the girl that Tim and Herbert (see below) were referring to.

kids say the darndest things...

@ centreville, centre island
Daniel: where's Brenda?
Herman: on the Scrambler.
Eric: hey, Daniel, why do you want to know?
Daniel: wah?
Eric: you like Brenda, don't you?
Daniel: NO!
Eric: look, he's blushing!
Daniel: she's 8 and i'm 10!
Herman: so what?
Eric: even better!
Herman: haha
Eric: sings Daniel likes Brenda, Daniel likes Brenda...
Daniel: blushes furiously

***
@lunch
Herbert: hey, Herm, now's your chance!
Herman: wha?
Herbert: you know, to make your move!
Herman: uh...
Herbert: rrowr rrowr!
Herman: what are you talking about?
Herbert: look to your right... no, the other right... the girl in the white.
Herman: why?
Herbert: because you LIKE her!
Herman: who said so?
Herbert: Justin did.
Herman: you guys say that every year about whoever.
Herbert: true... but still!

green tea ice cream

there's something oddly comforting about making noxious cocktails after dinner with cousins. ah, japanese food, how hilariously you jiggle.

green tea ice cream + tempura soy sauce = ummm
green tea ice cream + wasabi = @#%&!!!!!
on a personal note: i am happied ^___^

just another day

incident: 138 lb.(!!!), 10 year old boy throws plastic/foam baseball bat at the head of fellow day camper at local day care centre, striking his mouth glancingly.
subsequent punishment: a long stay in 'the office', only one soft taco - heaped with lettuce, tomato and lacking the ground beef he so desires, the required completion of one grade 5 grammar workbook.
status: taco - eaten; workbook - 'completed': the first page was completely wrong and required a good hour or two to correct. the rest of the workbook is assumed to be equally incorrect.

thoughts: guh.

EDIT: mathematics --> grammar

finally!

"oh man, during the camping...my cousins and my brother kept saying your name..."herman" lol. my cousin (12 year old) played truth or dare with me...and he was like..."who do you like? honestly" i was like..."hmmmm..." then he was like.."herman isn't it?" then they chanted your name "herman. herman. herman. herman." getting louder each time. the adults were looking strangely at us, wondering who herman was."

it's true, i am that famous.

i miss...

engrish classes. really. fer rizzo mah dizzle bah shizzo. nizzo.
i've taken to analyzing movies. it does provide an added level of enjoyment, or disdain, depending on the movie. for example: spiderman 2. as i watched, i noted how dr. otto octavius and his wife quickly took on parental roles to peter parker, made especially effective since we knew he would become the villain of the movie. any more and i'd be giving stuff away. but seriously, watch that movie. it's flipping deep for an action movie. but not plot complicated like memento. unfortunately, i cannot analyze cinematically as competently as i would like to due to lack of knowledge and training in the field.
the same thing happens with books too, the noting of rhetorical devices, clever assonances, subtle metaphors that i would very much liked to have coined myself (yay atwood! - thanks jacqueline) and groaning painfully at any use of deus ex machina. seriously, the worst plot device EVAR!!!!1111oneone. even worse than "he woke up and realized it was all a dream. he climbed out of bed and went to brush his teeth." books with deus ex machina get dropped at that very spot. too bad it always appears late in the book.

people my age. for now, i hang out with kids who are always tittering or giggling about body parts and bathroom phenomena. like 'dildo pickle'. try explaining to a ten yr. old why that is inapporpriate. just try. and cry... "herman, why would anyone need a fake dick? is it for people who get their's chopped off?" guh. people my age usually also don't ask me, "do you have a girlfriend?", "who's your girlfriend?", "is she your girlfriend?". actually, i'm sort of glad i can say, "nope", "i don't have one", "nope". otherwise there would be, "can i see a picture of her? eww, she's ugly." then i'd get fired for beating a kid up.

our long midnight conversations.

slow goings

not much blogging as of late due to general busy-ness with work. i missed potw. i'm sure you all did too. in other news, i can see-see my playmate come out and play with me... so please, someone, instead of saying hi, hook a brother's pinkies up... my jamaican Jesus-fish friendship bracelet doesn't itch or chafe or ride up in the crotch.

note to self: drop out of school.
note to other self: sit down, play quietly, or get out.
note to self again: break up now and you can still keep the george foreman grill.

Movie Review: SPIDER-MAN 2

starring: tobey maguire, kirsten dunst, alfred molina, james franco

*mild spoilers*

this is how all sequels should be done. new and improved!

'spider-man', that blockbuster summer smash back in 2002 was charming, moving and way cool. 'spider-man 2' is all that and more.

there were some scary moments, some hilarious moments, some moments in which peter parker: the nerd shows up, the obligatory blurry glasses and burning house moments, a mini-shoutout to tobey's seabiscuit back injury, and some real tear-jerking scenes.

spider-man 2 is mainly character driven, complimented by improved CG (still obviously fake at times, but what are you expecting?). tobey plays the much-maligned geek to the hilt, catching no breaks - there is some serious pathos. kirsten dunst, i felt, did alright. james franco was looking all kinds of hot (!!!), but was a rather minor character (more of him in spider-man 3, of course). alfred molina, usually a background character, is put in the spotlight and he delivers, so whatever fame will now come his way now is much deserved.

things of note: glynnis from joan of arcadia makes a few appearances, korean guy on the board of directors of wolfram and hart from angel also appears. of course there's jockser from xena. are new yorkers really that friendly? awesome headline: "(New York) crime rate up 75% - the daily bugle". the first song played for the credits: vindicated - dashboard confessional!!!!

4 1/2 out of 5