Porcelain Philosophy 16: Irrational [in progress]

Who has ever been in a fight (especially with a significant other)?

By the power of sexist generalization, we can assume that such a fight will end something like this:

Male: "You're being irrational!"
Female: X[ *explodes

because males are primarily logical and females are primarily emotional, right? Thanks, antiquated beliefs.

Calling someone irrational is probably the worst way to argue a point, even if that person's reasons, or position, makes absolutely no sense to you. Calling a woman irrational because you believe she is only thinking emotionally is belittling her worth and dismissing her perspective.

In mathematics, there is a category of numbers considered Real. They can be quantified, they exist and their square roots are positive, rather than depressingly negative, like those Imaginary numbers.





Image courtesy of these guys.

Porcelain Philosophy 15: WoW

Do you sometimes find yourself saying, "Wow, I'm in the middle of a story"? Perhaps you're the prince of Denmark, and you suspect that your mother, in collusion with your uncle, committed regicide to claim the throne; or you wanted to visit your grandmother (who lived deep in the woods) to show off your brand new bright red riding hood. Whatever the case may be, those narratives exist and resonate with us for a reason. Identifying the right story can provide cues on how to proceed. While you're at it, watch Stranger Than Fiction.

The past few weeks have alternated between monotonous routine and sublime substantiations of things to come. In movie form, the monotony will be edited into a brief montage. The story I'm living in can be found in Matthew 14:22-33.


The story came up in Sunday school three weeks ago. I went in early to pick a seat, but ended up getting pulled out to help set up some technical stuff across the hall and wound up late for class. The teacher sat next to the door, so everyone faced the only entrance to the room.

I ended up standing around outside for a good 20-30 minutes. When kids walked by and asked why I was standing there for, I told them I got in trouble. Some gave me disapproving glances; others contemplated their own troublemaking ways and hopefully decided to turn a new leaf. I made that last part up.

When I finally screwed up the courage to waltz in (i.e. during an opportune passage reading), I bumped into the door frame and totally made a lot of noise. They were reading about Jesus walking on the water (I spent the entire reading looking up the passage). Apparently, that class was going to be about Peter, because the first question that was asked was, "Did Peter fail for sinking?"

To which I replied, most assuredly not. Of the Twelve on the boat, did anyone else try? In addition, he actually took several steps before complying with the laws of Physics and succumbing to his fears.

'Failure' is a fact of fallen life: our paths we walk are littered with pitfalls and stumbling blocks; (jumping metaphors now) the waters we navigate roil with storms and waves. Regardless of what we do, we will trip, we will fall, we will sink and we will end up covered in a lot of salty water. But the primary tenets of love, grace, mercy, healing and forgiveness all speak to getting up after we fall and trying to do better the next time. We are not Jedi, in which it is "Do or do not; there is no try." True failure is refusing to try for fear of falling.

So what's my part in this story?

Important events are coming to a head and I will not be in transition any longer. It's time to climb out of the boat, the little comfortable hovel of safety and routine I've built for myself, and take steps forward with my eyes on the prize. I will fall and I will sink, but I know who will pick me up when I do.

This story came up again the following week in a sermon from a guest speaker entitled "How to Walk on Water". If I wasn't sure about what was being said to me the first week, this was reinforcement. Except that I was sure, and it was more like a brick in the face.

Porcelain Philosophy 14: Tears

Let tears flow of their own accord: their flowing is not inconsistent with inward peace and harmony.

Seneca

When we were wee, whiny, and wonderful, what were our reasons for crying?

If my memory serves correctly -- and though it shames me slightly to admit it -- I was a crier. Scraped elbows and knees, getting caught in misdeeds, losing a game, and getting lost were some of the reasons I would cry. As I got older, tears still sprung forth unbidden from my eyes, once in awhile, whenever I didn't get my way.

Somewhere along the way, the masculine gender identity was determined to be exclusive of the act of crying; as emotion manifest, crying was seen to be of the feminine sphere. It was (and still is) considered unmanly to shed tears. To that end, boys were whipped into bottling up their feelings and distilling it into potent potions of masculine ambition, agression and angst. In my (not-so-humble) point of view, this is bollocks. Male or female, the human head is more or less crafted from the same mold; the ductwork, fixtures and apertures are all the same. To associate crying, a natural physiological response that everyone is capable of, to one sex is chauvinism.


Matters of gender discrimination aside, crying was, for most intents and purposes, a selfish reaction. Waah, I scraped my knee and you need to help fix me. Waah, she took my toy and wouldn't give it back. Waah, I am being pushed around by brutish boors. As a child, those moments happened often, and so crying happened fairly often.

Our tears betray our motivations. What we care about most deeply in our hearts run like underground streams within us. When our barriers are broken and our foundations are shaken, we will spring leaks where it matters most.

I'm not sure when it all changed, but the tears do not come so easily now. When they do, the reason is not because I didn't get my way, nor is it because I am damaged, but because of the pain suffered by others. Maybe it's all part of growing up, or maybe it's just the physical maturation of my prefrontal cortex, but I think I know what I care most about now.

Porcelain Philosophy 13: Branding

I came across an article on marketing that raised some very poignant insights about company branding, as well as reputation building. The article is about how some companies run themselves into the ground by overextending their brand (e.g. if Nike started to sell photocopiers).

It was something I only noticed implicitly; seen in the light, it makes a lot of sense. The most powerful brands become synonymous to their products. What do you think of when you hear the word Google, or Kleenex, or Xerox, or Febreeze? If I were in charge of a company, I'd love for the brand to one day become a verb the way Google has.

But that's not the point of the post. Below is the pertinent excerpt.

If you're working in a job, [...] be known as a genius for something. Know how several things work. But branding yourself in one skill makes you the expert. Every time the company has a fire in that section, you will be known for your fire-fighting skills.

On an ordinary basis, most employees are not known for any particular skill and wonder why they are on top of the redundancy list. Bosses don't know what you do and why you're special, because you haven't been doing the 'branding bit'. It's better to be a specialist than the 'safe unknown.'

The author recommends committing to a specialty to help you stand out from the crowd if you're vying for marketshare.

This got me thinking: what am I known for? What am I known for at work? At school in class? At home? What immediately comes to mind when you think of me?

At St. Florence, I was the guy who handled miscellaneous problems, particularly technology-related ones. I visited the school last winter just before Christmas holidays fired up; after making my rounds visiting teachers and students, I was paged by the office. It turned out that they were gearing up for an afternoon of watching a movie in the gym and the principal needed assistance with the computer and projector. Now, at work, I'm paid to be that guy. At church, I am that guy. Pretty much everywhere I go, I seem to become that guy, even if he is not exactly who I am. I wonder sometimes if this label was just some niche I slipped into because it was open.

But all of that is meaningless because it is temporary.

Let me put it this way: if the Bible were still being written today, what would I be known for? Would I be a hero like Joshua, or would I be a cautionary tale like Saul? Would I even be mentioned? I don't ask this because I want to be recognized or revered; I ask myself this because I know what I've been given and I want to know how to pass it on.

Porcelain Philosophy 12: On Handling Frustration

Part of a larger collection of peer-contributed devotional writings.

The best laid plans of mice and men
often go awry.

Frustration is the feeling you get when your plans just don’t seem to work out.
There is little doubt that you will face frustration and worry during this trip, be it finances, or rejection from the very people you seek to bring to Christ. Plans are the structures that we build to give us something to fall back on when things go bad. When your plans fail, the frustration often is debilitating.

But wait! There is hope!

Haven’t our sinful selves been crucified at the cross? Haven’t we been raised again anew in Christ? When we go forth to proclaim the Good News, it is not our plan, but God’s. In all things, God will provide; “consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them” (Luke 12:24). If God takes such meticulous care for the creatures of the Earth, why should we, His beloved Children and Bride of His Son, ever worry about anything?

The frustration of rejection need not bother us either. When Jesus sent His disciples out to proclaim the Kingdom of Heaven’s dawn, He instructed them to “shake the dust from their feet” as they left the house or city that chose not to receive the News (Matthew 10:14). When you go forth to proclaim the Good News, you are to be like the voice and breath of God. What obstacle can bar the way of the wind?

Porcelain Philosophy 11: The Space Between

Mental exercise: pick your favourite song, or piece, and play it in your head. Now strip out all the pauses and breaks and rests in the music and play it again. How does that sound? Now take all the notes and tones and sounds and play them all at once. Correct, that sounds terrifically cacophonous. It's like eating a whole steak all in one go; it does not taste any good and will cause you to retch. The music happens in the space between the notes. Enjoyment of a steak happens within each bite. The pause is where the tension and drama happens. It is all about the anticipation.

In recent days I have been doing some research into web design principles. One oft-overlooked component of good web layouts is white space (or negative space). White space is any part of the layout that does not have any content. In a book, this would generally be the margins, where your fingers can grasp the pages. In a newspaper, there is white space between columns to give them separation and consolidation. On a web page, white space can break the content into manageable chunks for absorption, as most content on web pages is simply scanned, rather than pored over. White space helps focus the reader's attention on the content that matters.

Good web page designs will employ the Law of Closure, a specific manifestation of Gestalt perception. People are naturally inclined to mentally 'fill-in-the-blanks' when presented with incomplete images because the mind strives for structure, regularity and logic. Your brain anticipates what ought to be there in the image, and your perception is informed thusly. The image on the left is not of a morning star, but merely some black near-triangles with one curved side. The notion that white space makes things simple for the viewer and, at the same time, makes him think unknowingly is deliciously ironic.

In our own times of rest and respite are usually when life is simplified; they are also the times when we tend to think the most, focusing on what is truly important. In the second book of his Elegies, Sextus Propertius, coined the well known phrase,

Semper in absentes felicior aestus amantes,

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. While this phrase has been overused to the point of becoming cheese, the sentiment remains true. One of the signs of love is the anxiety and preoccupation of the mind that comes with separation and distance. Not having something (or someone) will make you want it (or him/her) even more.

This goes beyond emotional attachments and personal interaction; this is a philosophy. If you are living your life constantly on the go, meeting the bottom lines, pushing ahead and striving to achieve, you are not living and you sure as cheesecake are not growing. Your bank account may be swelling, or your trophy shelf caving, but when time runs out, you will have nothing. Take the time to enjoy, to cherish, and to share. If something wonderful comes your way, you have every right to pause and savour it. As the venerable late George Carlin (and Hitch) so aptly put it,

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

Porcelain Philosophy 10: Resonance

according to kinetic molecular theory, everything that has even a smidgen of energy in it -- i.e. has a temperature greater than absolute zero -- is vibrating. by and large, macroscopic objects vibrate very slowly, so you're unlikely to notice them doing so. this vibration is usually referred to as natural frequency: the number of times an object oscillates (moves back and forth) in one second, measured in units of Hz.

physically speaking, everything in the universe has a natural frequency -- even you and me. metaphysically speaking, i would like to posit that everything also has a natural frequency on a spiritual, emotional, psychological, moral, philosophical level. in people, this is manifested as our personalities, codes of ethics and interests. it dictates what we are attracted to or what we are repulsed by, who we get along with and who we really can't stand, why candy tasted so awesome as a kid but has since lost its appeal 10 years later. it's all in the resonance.

have you seen the physics demonstration of two equivalent tuning forks affixed to sound chambers? ringing one fork results in the other ringing apparently on its own accord, without any visible connection (wires, etc) between the two. click here to watch.

this happens because tuning forks of equivalent frequencies resonate with each other (and anything else with a similar natural frequency). when a tuning fork is struck, the tines vibrate at their natural frequency, compressing the air in regular intervals, thus generating a sound at that frequency. when an equivalent tuning fork is held near, the air compressions (sound waves) push against this new fork's tines in regular intervals -- the same intervals, or frequency, as that of their origin.

if you impart a force, even a very small one, at the same frequency as an object's natural frequency, it will move, regardless of how big it is relative to the force. think of it like this: a big kid is sitting on a swing and wants his little sister, who is 1/3 his size, to push him really high. since it is physically impossible for her to do so with one push, she does the smart thing and gives little pushes every time her brother reaches the apex of the swing, just as gravity begins to pull him forward again. eventually, the swing will have accrued enough energy to make the boy happy. same thing with the tuning forks. little bursts of air pressure at the natural frequency of a metal tuning fork can set it in motion. even on something as large as a bridge, resonance can move the entire structure.

frequency can also be understood as wavelength; since everything has a frequency, everything has a wavelength, and is thus a wave. when waves meet, they combine together (superposition principle) by adding together. crests adding to crests makes bigger crests; troughs adding to troughs make deeper troughs, etc. this is called interference. resonance is an example of constructive interference, when everything lines up to make the wave amplitude greater. conversely, there is destructive interference, in which the waves add up to reduce the amplitude.

each person is a bundle of personality, experience, morals, emotions, and thus has a complex set of natural frequencies. things in the world also have frequencies that bombard us daily. some of these things resonate with us; we interpret them usually as, "i like that" or "that was pleasant" or "OMG i'm in love." strong negative feelings are also examples of resonance. the resultant amplitude of the wave interference indicates the intensity of these feelings, be it love or hate. of course there are also things and people that just seem to have no effect whatsoever on us; they are things that are so uninteresting to us that we are essentially blind to them. destructive interference is happening there.

as you grow and accumulate experience, your natural frequencies will inevitably change; the frequencies that hit you everyday will mold you into something different. think back to the tuning fork demonstration; one could prevent resonance by simply adding a mass to one of the tines of one of the forks (like a lump of plasticine). this happens to us too: see enough hypocrisy and you'll grow cynical; watch your mother get hacked up with a chainsaw when you're 3 years old and you'll turn into a serial killer devoid of emotion; spend a lot of time with someone and you'll pick up the same mannerisms, habits, preferences. by the same token, these 'masses' can be shed if you know where to look, restoring your original frequencies, for better or worse.

Porcelain Philosophy 9: Reputation

my reputation precedes me. in a Chinese church, this is a potentially volatile matter.

a casual conversation with an adult that i have not spoken directly to more than 4 times, and certainly not in recent memory, yielded the fact that it was known i was in teachers college; nevermind that the query was initially directed to my brother with whom i am still mistaken for (even by his driving instructor!), and vice versa. there are people i've spoken more frequently to in the fellowships i held and hold membership to who did not know until they asked me where i've been working.

naturally, i am curious as to what the rest of my reputation says about my character. i have a fairly good idea of who i am, but mostly because i spend all my time with myself. after awhile, you pick up on a few things. what i'm more interested in is what others, who only spend finite amounts of time with me under specific environmental and social situations, see. indulge my curiosity in the comments if you so desire.

an aspiring professional ought to comport himself as a professional. is this reflected in my speech and actions?

i'm pretty sure most would say "not really": case in point, the comment above about how people i interact with who have no idea what i am doing after graduation (or what i did to achieve graduation for that matter). that's not to say that i am pouting that some people don't pay attention to me, or that they don't bother to remember what i tell them; it's more like my parents' reaction to when i told them i was aiming to be a teacher: "really?" never would have guessed it.

therein lies my beef with reputation. everyone is, at any given moment, a "work in progress"; everyone is judged by instances. in more confusing terms: the derivative of their action function. plot a graph of action (positive: good, negative: bad) vs. time and most people will have a fairly squiggly line, like a temperature vs. time graph of a home with central heating and a thermostat. we really only notice another person's actions when the magnitude of the derivative of his or her action function is high (i.e. does something exceptionally good, or does something exceptionally bad). the recency effect puts a very high stock on this single event, biasing our perception of that person's reputation. when judging others, we have the remarkable ability to set them against standards that we ourselves fall short of more often than not.

the Chinese culture is honour based. above all else, you must "save face." lie, cheat, steal, extort, bribe, blackmail, murder -- whatever it takes to ensure that your family is not disgraced in public (nevermind that most of those methods will generally lead to further disgrace). throw in the complicated church dynamic and the proclivity of people to draw their own conclusions and share them, and you have a very, very narrow margin for error. for more extra fun, post your personal thoughts about everything online.

Porcelain Philosophy 8: Love Actually

Love is energy; it is neither created, nor destroyed, but comes from the Source. Love has the potential to make you move, to do work. The magnitude of Love is directly proportional to how far you move, how hard you work, for what you love. Since it cannot be destroyed, Love can only be redirected or transformed. There are several types of Love (selflessness, comraderie, sensual), each manifested in a type of action (sacrifice, encouragement, transmission of goods, touch, etc.).

We are each given a capacity to Love and a certain amount of it to work with. We can grow to be entrusted with more; conversely, we can become damaged and less able to handle the full load. In times of plenty, we share what Love we have knowing more will come to fill the temporary vacuum (Love convection). In times of hurt, all we can do is give the Love that we cannot handle back to where it came from and hope that in the intervening time it will transform into something more manageable or that we will be able to strengthen enough to hold it again.

Porcelain Philosophy 7: Dealbreakers

i was asked recently if i had a checklist of qualifications or preferences for a spouse. while i don't have such a checklist, keen observers will note that i definitely have a type, which i can elaborate on in a future piece (or you can all just guess). what i can discuss today, however, are the dealbreakers: issues that invoke veto power and will stop me from starting something that i know will crash and burn.

The Hardlines

God:
first and foremost comes faith. there are a slew of reasons regarding obedience, but i think the most convincing argument for myself is a logical one. if my wife does not know God, she will certainly feel like the third wheel in the relationship. it is hardly a loving decision to put someone through that for the rest of her life.

Gender:
this is simply about having the right equipment to complete certain objectives in life, i.e. babies.

Parents:
if my parents, or her parents, do not give the okay to proceed, i would pack up, say thanks, and be on my merry way. i think God confirms a relationship primarily through the parents; who else on earth knows more about you than your parents? i know there are couples that get together and overcome parental pressure, galvanizing a "stronger" relationship, but i'm not that type of person. people that rebel against their parents, for whatever reason, will likely induce similar rebellion in subsequent children. i certainly do not want to get into disputes with potential in-laws. if her parents cannot respect me, there is no way i would let someone i care about get caught in the crossfire; better to cut ties and spare everyone the grief.

Self-Esteem:
i have trouble with girls that hate themselves and who God made them to be; they constantly think they are ugly and/or stupid or some insane dreck like that. i will not brook insult to my superbly refined taste in women.

Some Flexibility Afforded

Career:
i don't think i can see myself marrying a teacher. this is not because teachers make terrible spouses or parents (or else i lose). a teacher couple could potentially both be home after school to spend time with their kids, spend entire summer vacations at home or travelling as a family, etc. this is because i know that we teachers will go on strike every 4 or 5 years. if i married a teacher and we both had to go on strike, the family would suffer tremendously. though all the boons of having similar schedules would result in lots of good times, the threat of any prolonged stretch of strike is enough to cause me pause; this is not a risk i am willing to take without very careful, paranoid financial planning. flexibility is afforded to elementary school teachers or private school teachers (as they are from different unions), or in the event that i am no longer a high school teacher (although, by then, i fully expect to be wed).

Procelain Philosophy 6: Sharing Pains

i'm not very good at sharing about myself; it usually takes an inordinate amount of effort for me to come up with an anecdote from my day. most of the time, the anecdotes i do have are about others and not myself.

much of it has to do with a guardedness that seemed to have appeared around the time of puberty that never exactly came down. if i remember correctly, prior to grade 7 i could unequivocally tell you exactly how i felt about a situation (sad, happy, mad) simply by the expression on my face. then one day i decided not to be such a crybaby and subconsciously took up partial stoicism. it certainly helps in shrugging off potential situations and issues before they can pick up momentum. apparently it is rather noticeable too, which i, ironically, did not notice until some people mentioned it.

another significant reason i can think of as to why i have difficulty talking about what went on in my day has to do with all the talking to myself that i do. when i'm not saying anything outloud, i am likely discussing something with myself, adopting various viewpoints and working out the reasons behind everything. by the time there is opportunity to talk to someone about a situation, i've already talked about it to death with myself. if i were to say it outloud, it would feel like i was repeating myself, and i don't like repeating myself because it seems inefficient.

perhaps my standards for what constitutes a good story to tell are too high. i know i dismiss certain events from my immediate memory for not being interesting enough to illicit a laugh (or emotional response in general; or lively discussion in the comments). i do consider myself to be a rather boring person.

so, the plan for this year (and on) is to spend more time outside my shell, take more risks and be more vulnerable to both good and bad things. letting bad things roll off my back and onto the floor is great and all, but if i don't learn to deal properly with the little bads, i won't be able to deal with the big bads that aren't as rotund when they inevitably rear their ugly heads.

Porcelain Philosophy 5: Fiat Lux

just because there hasn't been a recent installment of procelain philosophy does not mean i've been constipated; this post, for instance, has been brewing since january.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth [...] God said, Let there be light, and there was light [...] And God saw that it was good. - Genesis 1

this isn't about the Big Bang; this isn't about apologetics. this is about that little switch in your head that gets flipped sometimes when you encounter a revelation, or an epiphany. this is about inspiration. and once upon a time in the deep black nothing, God was inspired to create. it's not reading the manual and putting the pieces together; this is true creation -- starting from absolutely nothing and generating something. out of the chaos, God called forth order, energy, matter, meaning. by his word, he gave form to the fundamental building blocks of our universe.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. - John 1

the act of creation, and how it was made, reveals the nature of the triune God. God the Father formulates the idea, the thought, or the pattern and Jesus, the Son, corporealizes it as Word. the Word is sent forth by the Holy Spirit, the breath of God. this is the Trinity, three distinct, yet equal parts in one.

Then God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness [...] So, God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. - Genesis 1

and so God created a triune man (and woman), with a Mind like the Father (to think), with a Body like the Son (to have agency in this world), and he breathed into him the Breath of Life -- a Spirit (by which we live and love). he also gave us the power to create, not quite as magnificently as God himself, but equal in essence.

we create through language. ideas and thoughts are inspired in our minds and given form through the structure of language. those ideas and thoughts are contained in words, and sent forth into the world by the breath (the Latin for to breathe is spirare). just as creation tells us who God is, our words speak to who we are. they reveal what lies in our minds, what resonates in our hearts, and what moves our souls. just as we, the created, interact with the rest of creation, our words have consequence and agency once they are released into the world.

Porcelain Philosophy 4: Anti-Venom

now i don't usually have negative opinions about people or things, but this past weekend was a reintroduction to the biting and scathing side of me that i thought was suppressed, if not expunged. clearly i am not piping off my aggression as effectively as i thought -- maybe it's because i haven't reinstalled UT2k4.

i've been making very negative observations lately, entirely out of the character i am trying to develop for myself, and a gross misuse of wit. there is a clear line between accurate, constructive criticism and sniping repartee bordering on wanton destruction of character and i crossed it good. though the observations were made privately, they were still made (behind the backs of the would-be-offended parties to boot) and thus now exist, for which i am sorry (to the would-be-offended and those that had to hear it).

this whole business springs James 3 to mind:

"1 Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment. 2 For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well. 3 Now if we put the bits into the horses' mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. 4 Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. 5 So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. [...] 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; 10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way." (NASV)

particularly indicting as i am in a leadership position and to become a teacher as well.

the one consolation i can take from this, thus turning a mistake into experience, is that the tongue is a double-edged sword. i've had a good measure of just how sharp the bad side is; it is plenty sharp; i am now aware of just how sharp the good side has the potential to be. if i can be observant enough to pick out those little tiny problems, i can certainly be observant enough to truly and lovingly encourage someone.

Proverbs 12:18 -

"There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword,
But the tongue of the wise brings healing." (NASV)

putting what i've learned from this experience into action will lead to wisdom.

Porcelain Philosophy 3: Hermaneutics

it has been quite some time since my last porcelain philosophy post. that is not to say that my cheeks have not seen their fair time of the cold seat, but rather my mind has not been philosophizing lately due to preoccupations. in any case, the quest for self-identity is still under way.

heads up: narratology in action.

i came across two very vague terms in the course of my studies: the Hermeneutics of Emanation and the Hermeneutics of Suspicion. they're a mouthful, aren't they? hermeneutics, for the uninitiated, is the science of interpretation, pertaining most commonly to Scriptural study.
Hermeneutics of Emanation refers to the use of narratives as interpretation through emanation. that is to say that everything in life has meaning; any narrative that fits it does so because of its inherent meaning. life is a logical force; literature is its interpreter.
Hermeneutics of Suspicion is, as i'm sure you suspected, the opposite. life in itself is meaningless; it is just cause and effect, repeated ad infinitum. sentients (i.e. us) give order and logic to this haphazardous life by imposing a narrative upon the events: imbued meaning. life is random; literature is used to put it into an order that makes sense to us.

i started this search for my narrative prior to learning of these two schools of thought. the Christian in me leans towards Hermeneutics of Emanation. all around me i can see the cycle of Christ: birth, glory, trial, death and resurrection. i see it in the seasons, i see it in comedies and i see it everyday in the way people wake up, do their thing, go to sleep, and do it all over again. the sun will (appear to) rise and then it will (appear to) fall. this pattern is hardcoded into our being. but what have i just done? i have imposed a narrative upon what i've observed in life, like in Hermeneutics of Suspicion. and around we go.

Porcelain Philosophy 2: The Closet

Note: formerly known as Life Theme (what a crappy name, eh?), this series of posts has been re-dubbed Porcelain Philosophy, inspired by Rodin's Thinker and its obvious connotations. huge life-altering concepts are best dealt with in the privacy and serenity of the bathroom, where you purge your waste below to make room for better things above.
---

Kallipareos. Of the lovely cheeks. Now she has it. The Homeric word is sparkling on her hook. And beyond that she is suddenly aware of all her Greek vocabulary, of everything which seems to have been put in a closet for nearly six months now. Because she was not teaching Greek, she put it away.
That is what happens. You put it away for a little while, and now and again you look in the closet for something else and you remember, and you think, soon. Then it becomes something that is just there, in the closet, and other things get crowded in front of it and on top of it and finally you don't think about it at all.
The thing that was your bright treasure. You don't think about it. A loss you could not contemplate at one time, and now it becomes something you can barely remember.
That is what happens.
And even if it's not put away, even if you make your living from it, every day? Juliet thinks of the older teachers at the school, how little most of them care for whatever it is that they teach. Take Juanita, who chose Spanish because it goes with her Christian name (she is Irish) and who wants to speak it well, to use it in her travels. You cannot say that Spanish is her treasure.
Few people, very few, have a treasure, and if you do you must hang on to it. You must not let yourself be waylaid, and have it taken from you.

- "Chance", Runaway by Alice Munro

the closet of my heart is the secret vault in which i keep that which is dearest to me. my secret vault is not built with fortifications in mind though. i dislike memorizing passwords and combinations and heavy metal. i see it has a quaint wooden door (two openings, like on Lamb Chop's Play Along) and a window (because some things in there prefer the light). the one shelf is sparsely populated by childhood trophies (the striped "rover's" floor hockey stick*), a few books (my first Bible, which i gave away) and a little box. photographs and memory sketches cover the facing wall. there is a calendar in the corner for important dates and a green marker clipped above it for additions. in another corner is a levitating frog. his name is George. it is a small and narrow closet, but i think i have enough space to get by for now.

* i was enrolled into a floor hockey league from grade one through three. each team was allowed 5 players plus a goaltender. two forwards and two defenders had to stay on their halves of the gym. the "rover" bored a stick that was wrapped with tape all the way up the shaft. rovers could cross the half-line without penalty.

Life Theme Porcelain Philosophy 1: Language

this is the first installment of a new series of posts that will track my analyses and comments regarding the themes of the life i perceive around me, inspired by autumn.
this particular post came to me as i attempted to sleep. i got up out of bed to write this down. i lose a lot of sleep this way, but it is better than losing ideas.

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the manner in which we appear and comport ourselves is very telling. if i ask you to list the characteristics of a stereotype, looks and actions comprise much of that list. lower on our radar, but of greater importance is language. how you speak and/or write is a reflection of the way you think. since it is so much easier to speak your mind, your word is gospel to your audience (if you are a liar and they know it, they'll just assume you mean the opposite of what you say, and they'll know what you're thinking anyway). your looks and actions send out visual cues; your words send out audio cues. people are naturally inclined to make their judgments and decisions based on these things (as we are not a sniffing or touching culture -- sort of like dogs).

words are swords; you do not need to be a Biblical scholar (James 3) or english major to realize this. though in themselves they are nothing, when we give words meaning, they become corporeal, tangible somethings. just as there are styles of swords, there are styles of speech and writing. just as each style of sword denotes a particular sophistication or ability, so too does the language you use.

back when we still wore swords at our sides (the men at least; women did not -- and still do not -- have penises, so they weren't allowed to carry phallic weaponry), you could tell the status, rank or level of sophistication of a man by the sword he wore. knights carried heavy broadswords, symbols of their strength and nobility and ability to mash things. Aristocrats and Zorro and Inigo Montoya favoured the nimbler rapier, a more refined weapon without the clunk of a broadsword. samurais, symbols of high culture, lived and died by the katana, elegance and precision personified. petty criminals could usually only afford ugly knives or prison-made skivvs and shanks. the way you write or speak is a window into your mind. assumptions are made here based on audio/visual cues. if you have a vocabulary the length of a crayon and primarily consisting of four-letter words that the MPAA frowns upon, expect to be treated like a petty criminal waving a shard of glass with a duct tape handle.

what type of sword do you carry? do you use it as a weapon for gain, or as a tool and badge of honour? do you write like a tW3Lve y3@r-oLD 0n AzN-aV3nUe?

it would be ironic if there were spelling errors or misused words in this post. if you find one, assume that i am arrogant because i did not care to take the time to check my spelling, and that i am pompous for using big words that i do not know.