The Journey to the Office of Convocation: A Hero's Quest for Validation

looking out across the way to the castles in the distance, i stopped to steel myself for the journey ahead. there would be many obstacles to overcome this day, least of all the November chill, so i put on my Scarf of Warmth and Asthmatic Prevention to protect me from the elements and Asthma.

the first obstacle was the crossing of Bloor, a swift-flowing river of metal that stopped for nothing save for red light. the only way i could cross the Bloor was to find some red light and block the river's flow. there was a lantern, strung up high, that periodically changed colour. there were only so many colours in the spectrum; surely it would turn red at some point. and it did. the river, for a moment, stood still and i crossed unimpeded. truly, God was with me on this day.

the journey was long and arduous and though i trekked southward, the cold did not abate. fortunately, i was also equipped with Gauntlets of Soft Almost-Fuzzy Skin, that preserved my precious digits. the ground appeared to be littered with leaves, normal for this time of year, but they were clearly EZ-Slip Leaves (buy a bag! fool your friends! embarrass your enemies!) planted by some nefarious villain who found delight in the misfortune of others.

the land i was traversing was ruled by a tyrant. times have been hard for the proletariate with the oncoming winter and the exorbitant taxes the tyrant must be exacting to fuel the hearthfires of his extravagant manse. no denizen of this district offered cheerful welcome as denizens are often seen doing in other lands.

in due time, i struck westward for my destination as per the instructions i received from Gugel, the chief cartographer of the land of Int Ernet. where was my destination, the humble reader might ask? i was on my way to confront the diabolical Office of Convocation and reclaim what was rightfully mine: a parchment bearing the seal of Ut, confirming my ascension to the rank of gentle.

but there was one more obstacle to surpass. the land was being retilled and retrodden by orange henchmen of the tyrant, riding enormous yellow dragons. i knew they posed little danger, as yellow dragons are herbivorous, but their girth was an impediment. i had to take the long way.

the long way was through the Valley of the Vomit-Swamp. the land itself was easily navigated and there was no treachery beneath each step, but travellers would usually be dissuaded from passing through the Valley of the Vomit-Swamp because it was an affront on the olfactory sense. it smelled like vomit, hence the name. fortunately, my Scarf of Warmth and Asthma Prevention had been enchanted with the charm of Neutral Aroma for such an occasion.

the Office of Convocation was hidden in a tower just beyond the swamp. the tower was oddly unguarded. perhaps i was expected and a trap was laid out. i marched up 3 storeys before i found the Office. at long last, after much wearisome travel, bitter cold and vomit-smell, i had reached my destination.

the door was locked.

there was someone inside; i could see her through the window. she opened the door, stepped out, and closed it behind her. obviously, this was a guardian troll. odd how she was not hairy in all the wrong places like a regular troll. there must have been budget cuts.

"are you here to pick up your diploma?"

"yes," i said, in my talking-to-trolls voice.

"we're closed at the moment, but i'll be back in five minutes." with that said, she stalked past me and into a rather large dumbwaiter. here i was, all prepared to challenge this troll to armed, and probably mortal combat, with nothing to show for it.

when two whole minutes had passed, another guardian troll opened the door and allowed me passage. this one was even less troll-some than the last. it dawned on me that the real trolls must have been on strike. these non-trolls were more than happy to open doors, be communicative, have hair in the proper places, let you cross bridges, etc. i gave her my identification and she gave me my diploma. i slipped it into my satchel, which was just the right size, and departed from the Office of Convocation with every limb intact and not a drop of blood spilled. what a rip-off.

Nerd Corner: RSS

a year or two ago, back when i was a newb just discovering Firefox, i began to notice something on the internets: this on the far right of my address bar. it would show up on certain sites, mostly blogs. and i thought to myself, abuh? i clicked it and up popped a dialogue that said, would you like to subscribe to the rss/atom/xml feed of [insert site name]? since i was but a wee newb, i reacted the same way i did to every new and foreign computer geekery that cropped up. click cancel. forget about it.

no big deal. i continued to use computers with no ill effect. i did not have to pay extra money, as subscriptions tend to convey a sense of fees. i continued to browse my usual sites, streamlining my browser with keyword bookmarks or icons on a toolbar for quick access during daily updates. i got into a pretty good groove.

one day, i thought, there has to be a more efficient way to get updates to news, blogs, etc, rather than going to each and every site and waiting for them to load. i scanned the memory banks (in my head) and some keywords kept cropping up: subscribe, rss, atom, xml, feeds, aggregator; especially on the gadget/geekery blogs. well, i thought, geeks do know all about efficiency... maybe there is something to this rss business. time for research.

the first stop on the research express is wikipedia. click the icon shown above to see the entry for RSS. it'll tell you everything you need to know in technical terms. here's the plain-speak summary. most blogs have an alternate page that is stripped down to only text and relevant images and links, like the little newsreel that scrolls by on news-centric tv channels. plug the URL of that alternate page into a Feed Reader or Aggregator, and you can see all the new (and old) posts from every website you subscribe to all in one place.

this would be where i normally write a massive how-to guide, but i'm pretty sure most of my readers are already utilizing feeds to cut down on internet reading time and maximize on internet playing time. if not, now you know about it and are free to muck about until you find something you like. i use Google Reader because it is simple, web-based (therefore anywhere), free, and i already have a Google Account. here are some other options.

up until this very morning, i had been checking this blog's comments using an email notification sent to hotmail because i don't want what is essentially non-essential mail clogging up the accounts i actually check and because when i'm on msn, it will notify me. as i got to thinking about writing this episode of Nerd Corner, i thought, dude, isn't there an RSS feed for blog comments? i know i saw something about it in the settings. so i checked the settings and yes, it exists, but it conveniently neglects to give the URL.

in order to proceed, i could a) research or b) take the existing URL for regular posts and tweak it for comments and see if it works because URLs, for the most part, are coded with actual information (e.g. server name, script type, etc). so i scanned my subscriptions for blogger accounts, and mentally reverse engineered the template for Blogger feeds:

http://[blogname].blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default?alt=rss

so the address for this blog's feed would be http://pocketfish.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default?alt=rss. for no particular reason, i intuit that substituting the word 'posts' with the word 'comments' would probably net me the feed url for this blog's comments feed: http://pocketfish.blogspot.com/feeds/comments/default?alt=rss. now i have one less reason to use hotmail. bonus!

how to have a good day

on a whim, i decided to have a good day today.

it was icy from the previous day's freezing rain, i had intended to wake up early and leave early. i woke up later than i wanted to. i left the house later because my mom thought i should have more lunch; you can never have too much lunch. i drove slower over the icy snowy patches of road. i decided to turn onto McNicoll from Middlefield because the usual route of Huntingwood to McCowan was likely treacherous. McNicoll was virtually ice-free, so i thought i could make up some time. though it was ice-free, it was not police-free and i fell into my first ever speed-trap and got my first ever speeding ticket. i felt like a real grownup =D

the officer was very courteous and professional, and i, in turn, was very nice and calmly contrite. he kindly lowered the noted speed from 18 km/hr to 10 km/hr above the 50 km/hr limit, setting me back only $40 and foregoing any issue with demerit points; i did not even have to ask. i highly recommend getting ticketed by this officer if you ever need to commit a minor infraction.

the remainder of the trip to McCowan station was uneventful and the RT made good time to Kennedy station. i picked the train with the most people in it, because when you see two trains at Kennedy, the one that has accrued more passengers is the one that has been there longer, and thus would be the one that leaves the station first. i stood there for an interval of time before the PA informed everyone that there was a train stoppage due to a track-level incident at Jarvis and that trains should start up again once that was cleared up, sorry for the delay and inconvenience. a couple of minutes later the PA informed everyone that there was a power outage at High Park due to a security breach and that they were sorry for the delay and inconvenience. as i contemplated whether or not to check the time while standing in a train that was starting to resemble a sardine can, the PA came on once more to inform us that trains would be turned around between Keele and High Park and between Kennedy and whatever station is next to High Park and that they were sorry for the delay and inconvenience. i thought it would be better if i didn't check the time.

the train ride was uncomfortably cramped, with most people standing precariously between handholds. i saw a woman fall into a girl's lap. i saw people squeezing into already cramped quarters and sucking in bellies to allow doors to close.

i hustled up to class and checked the time once i got into the room. it was 5 minutes past 8:30. after all that, i was only five minutes late and the class had not actually started yet.

after class, i sought to get some work done. i had brought my computer downtown so that i could do an assignment or two while waiting for my 3 o'clock class. there was an empty socket near a table and i snapped it up, brought out all my stuff, set up the computer to go and found that it was running off the battery. the socket was a dud and held no current. i packed everything back up and went up to the mezzanine floor (between 1st and 2nd) because there were individual study spaces up there that generally have sockets. i toured the entire floor; all the sockets were in either locked rooms or occupied rooms, i finally found one at the end of my circuit around the floor, right under a desk next to the stairwell door. beggers can't be choosers.

i did half an assignment and read a few chapters of the curious incident of the dog in the night-time (which is a really good book) and listened to Beethoven's 6th Symphony (which is a really good symphony). during that time, i briefly chatted with friends and colleagues that passed by. one had actually scheduled to meet me there through msn because she had missed yesterday's classes due to the ice.

i went to my 3 o'clock class at 2, because i like being early and i don't like being late. the room, which is noramlly filled with a 1 o'clock class, was empy. i decided to settle in to eat lunch and read some more. i was joined by another peer who had the same plan that i did. after awhile, i had to go pee. so i went to go pee.

by some inexplicable sequence of events, i bruised my left hand on the urinal.

when i returned to the classroom shortly thereafter, i chatted with the guy who was also there; he had tired of reading. after talking a bit about our respective placements, he tired of talking and took a nap. he was soon replaced by another student who felt much more inclined to chat and i repeated the same stories i told about my teaching placement that i had told about 17 times since tuesday.

after class dispersed at 5, i had to hustle to the station because i was slated to do an AV training at the church at 6, without incurring another ticket on the day. i arrived at about 6:03 to find that none of the trainees had arrived. as the wait progressed, it turned out most of the ones who were supposed to show up did not. due to the lower numbers (3), i was unable to do the cool illustrative games i had spent thursday night planning.

"dine and pray" was relaxing as usual, but it was only me and the LG, so we traded happy stories (i told some of this one) and then watched the pilot for Chuck.

after that i had dinner at the local fast food establishment, where we bumped into Dorcas and our mutual friend, whom i just had class with a few hours prior. i had a baconator and a baked potato, to which Yam kindly supplied a healthy dollop of chili.

what does celery do?

i got an email from Friendster to update me on some changes to someone's profile.
i don't have a Friendster account. spooky.

the name was not familiar and neither was the face. now who the diddly would have my address AND want to send me things? a mystery was afoot, and since i'm trying to get Nancy Drew's attention, i thought solving it would be the most excellent way.

while the name was unfamiliar to me, the combination of her name, location and other profile information led me to conclude that this was someone from the Christian Chinese circle. i have a few massive lists i could've looked through: softball, ACF, etc. i quickly skimmed the ACF mailing list that gets broadcasted everytime an email is sent (perhaps i should talk to them about bcc-ing); lo and behold, mystery girl's name and email were there. saved me the trouble of checking the softball list, which is in size 6 font; my eyes can squint no further. the curious thing is that the Friendster email was sent to GMail; the UTSC ACF mail goes to my UT account. more investigation required.

one of her pictures looked familiar. i think it was a group shot of another Chinese Christian Fellowship. a few months ago, i made a video slideshow for a big Joint Fellowship event that required some people to send me their fellowship photos. i think she was one of the people who sent me stuff. i cannot verify this as i cleaned out my UT account of those emails a couple of months ago when i switched to a different email client to manage the account.

anyway, i checked with one of my sources (people who know lots of people) and it turns out she went to the same high school that i did (as well as university). of course, in the process of reverse stalking, i've left internet footprints all over the place; i have the subtlety of an e-rhino.

Porcelain Philosophy 8: Love Actually

Love is energy; it is neither created, nor destroyed, but comes from the Source. Love has the potential to make you move, to do work. The magnitude of Love is directly proportional to how far you move, how hard you work, for what you love. Since it cannot be destroyed, Love can only be redirected or transformed. There are several types of Love (selflessness, comraderie, sensual), each manifested in a type of action (sacrifice, encouragement, transmission of goods, touch, etc.).

We are each given a capacity to Love and a certain amount of it to work with. We can grow to be entrusted with more; conversely, we can become damaged and less able to handle the full load. In times of plenty, we share what Love we have knowing more will come to fill the temporary vacuum (Love convection). In times of hurt, all we can do is give the Love that we cannot handle back to where it came from and hope that in the intervening time it will transform into something more manageable or that we will be able to strengthen enough to hold it again.

Porcelain Philosophy 7: Dealbreakers

i was asked recently if i had a checklist of qualifications or preferences for a spouse. while i don't have such a checklist, keen observers will note that i definitely have a type, which i can elaborate on in a future piece (or you can all just guess). what i can discuss today, however, are the dealbreakers: issues that invoke veto power and will stop me from starting something that i know will crash and burn.

The Hardlines

God:
first and foremost comes faith. there are a slew of reasons regarding obedience, but i think the most convincing argument for myself is a logical one. if my wife does not know God, she will certainly feel like the third wheel in the relationship. it is hardly a loving decision to put someone through that for the rest of her life.

Gender:
this is simply about having the right equipment to complete certain objectives in life, i.e. babies.

Parents:
if my parents, or her parents, do not give the okay to proceed, i would pack up, say thanks, and be on my merry way. i think God confirms a relationship primarily through the parents; who else on earth knows more about you than your parents? i know there are couples that get together and overcome parental pressure, galvanizing a "stronger" relationship, but i'm not that type of person. people that rebel against their parents, for whatever reason, will likely induce similar rebellion in subsequent children. i certainly do not want to get into disputes with potential in-laws. if her parents cannot respect me, there is no way i would let someone i care about get caught in the crossfire; better to cut ties and spare everyone the grief.

Self-Esteem:
i have trouble with girls that hate themselves and who God made them to be; they constantly think they are ugly and/or stupid or some insane dreck like that. i will not brook insult to my superbly refined taste in women.

Some Flexibility Afforded

Career:
i don't think i can see myself marrying a teacher. this is not because teachers make terrible spouses or parents (or else i lose). a teacher couple could potentially both be home after school to spend time with their kids, spend entire summer vacations at home or travelling as a family, etc. this is because i know that we teachers will go on strike every 4 or 5 years. if i married a teacher and we both had to go on strike, the family would suffer tremendously. though all the boons of having similar schedules would result in lots of good times, the threat of any prolonged stretch of strike is enough to cause me pause; this is not a risk i am willing to take without very careful, paranoid financial planning. flexibility is afforded to elementary school teachers or private school teachers (as they are from different unions), or in the event that i am no longer a high school teacher (although, by then, i fully expect to be wed).

advance to next checkpoint

i smiled because i didn't have to teach today; all my lessons were done.
i smiled because my evaluation was submitted; i had done well.
i smiled because i was happy to have made new connections and gained new friends.
i smiled because my students stopped on the way out to say goodbye and goodluck.
i smiled because it hid the pain of leaving.

Chuck vs The Sandworm

Morgan: Ellie, let me ask you a question. Am I the kind of guy you would categorize as... immature?

Ellie: Do you really want me to answer that?

Morgan: Yes. Be straight with me; fire away, both barrels --

Devon (AKA Capt. Awesome): Would you mind stepping into the kitchen with me, Morgan? (to Ellie) I'll handle this one, honey.

Morgan follows Capt. Awesome into Ellie's bedroom. Morgan pauses at the door.

Morgan: Ellie's room. (inhales deeply) Wow.

Capt. Awesome: There comes a time in a man's life when he reaches... well, a crossroads; (as he leads Morgan to the mirror) a time when he must ask himself, "Am I a tucker?"

Morgan glances about, confused

Capt. Awesome: I'm talkin' about your shirt, Morgan. I wasn't always a tucker, you know. Then, one day, it just happened.

Morgan: How do you know it's time?

Capt. Awesome: Just feel it. Go ahead, tuck her in. See how she feels.

Morgan: (as he buttons his shirt) aw, I don't know. Nah, nah, I'm just kinda happy with how my shirts hang there.

Capt. Awesome: C'mon. You're safe in here.

Morgan: Um... (exhales deeply)

Capt. Awesome: Tuck her in.

Morgan: I don't know if I'm ready --

Capt. Awesome: Do it.

Morgan clears his throat and tucks his shirt into his waistband.

Capt. Awesome: Mm hmm.

Morgan: (exhales) I don't know. I- I kind of feel like my- (whispers) my junk's out there for the whole world to see.

Capt. Awesome: Maybe that's the point, Morgan. Maybe that's the point.

"Illusion, Michael."

in the Loo

there is a building that was built to look like a microchip. it's good to see educational institutions frivolously frittering away the money of its students on fanciful architecture. i would like to have a word with that whosit that signed that work order.

i visited Waterloo with the Ladies on saturday for what i thought was my first time. once we arrived at St. Jacob's Farmer's Market, i realized that i had been there with family before; it was more fun this time around. we shared a beef doner stuffed pita thingie, half a dozen perogies, a cabbage roll, two hot apple ciders and six apple fritters. it was like stepping off the curb and getting hit by a bus full of tasty. all three of us were in a seriously giddy mood even after a seriously giddy friday, so the subsequent road trip and tour of the city held some memorable bon mots.

alison and kevin graciously showed us around campus even though they had work to do. the library was as dichotomous as they described it. on one side were tables and chairs and a din of about 60 dB. just two columns of bookshelves over, there were batteries of study booths in which it was quiet enough for anyone to a) study; b) sleep; c) watch anime on a laptop, without being disturbed.

there was a science building with a mini museum/science centre in it. i was very psyched to see dinosaur fossils (though they were replicas); they had the usual suspects: tyrannosaurus, deinonychus, parasaurolophus and i think there was also a velociraptor model. there were also a slew of gems (mostly amethyst) and some ammonite shells. highlight of the tour, by far.

after the tour, we dropped off alison to work, and picked up jacqueline to go grocery shopping and have dinner with the main group of visitors (aletheians). good times.

"What Physics Teachers Do During Breaks"

last week, a student asked me
and my associate teacher very seriously,
"sirs, do you talk about physics all the time?"
and i replied, very seriously, "yes. yes we do."
i had meant to be glib, but it was true.
her eyes widened in genuine surprise
and she walked off to tell her friends.

---

today i received a free lecture on quantum physics, de Broglie's wavelength, Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, wave-particle duality, Schrodinger's Equation, and the health benefits of eating salmon. i had forgotten how much i had forgotten from second year astronomy and quantum mechanics and electricity and magnetism.

it's not all physics and fish, however. sometimes we chat about computers, how crappy Microsoft is, why we will have to eat squid when we can no longer sustain cows, how one could go about teaching the Coriolis Effect to grade 10's, whether or not Tigerdirect is selling a Seagate Barracuda 500 GB 7200 rpm 16 MB cache hard drive for $110 when a Seagate Barracuda 500 GB 7200 rpm 8 MB cache is being advertised for $110 as well, etc.

North of Dupont

last night, i met up with a troupe of classmates from my Drama Strategies course to watch Hannah Moscovitch's "East of Berlin" at the Tarragon Theatre. it was an elaborate dramatic monologue of the son of a Nazi war-criminal trying to cope with the revelation of the atrocities his father committed. i have to write a review on the production and this is my sounding board.

it was a rainy night and far colder than i anticipated. i had to downgrade to a thinner jacket because it was far more waterproof than the slightly warmer one i went out the door with. i parked at mccowan and made the trip to Dupont station without any difficulty.

i had drawn myself a small map of the area with instructions on how to get from Dupont to Tarragon Theatre. i did not account for the lack of accuracy of the official Tarragon website's map. so when i thought i was to turn, i did and found myself on a road not mentioned on that map. so i doubled back and headed north on Spadina some more, to Davenport. then i headed west until i made it to another street i completely did not recognize. thus, i wandered midtown after sundown on a rainy and windy night for a good half hour before i decided to ask for directions. seeing as how i was supposed to meet my instructor at 7:30 for the tickets, i thought it'd be a good idea to be as not-late as possible.

as i turned about George Brown College campus for approachable faces, i saw a small, squat building with the word Tarragon fitted to the side with a dim light casting ominous shadows over the name. i made my way into the cramped foyer and found my classmates. i repeated "it's going great! how's yours?" about 13 times to everyone who asked how my placement coming along. inside the actual theatre was even less space, so i made my way to the back (the top) by the AV booth. lo and behold, the AV guy that squeezed past just before the show started was Kevin, from elementary school and high school. hoimin - 5 : Facebook - 0.

the play itself was well executed and at times uncomfortably intimate. the set was essentially a large stage-wide bookshelf that pushed its way halfway up the stage. i was quite glad to have been sitting in the last row. there was one character (out of three) in the play with the same name as me, so i heard people calling 'me' or referring to 'me' the whole night.

it was a fairly lengthy work for three people to perform, the bulk of it going to the main character. the humour was well-timed and tastefully understated, the dialogue was believable and often times truncated by very telling emotion. the themes and questions were grandiose and far-reaching, but also at times extremely personal. whole worlds would collide in the interactions of two characters, as each one carried personal and national baggage beyond their comprehension.

the main character was played superbly, unfortunately overshadowing the slightly above-average performances of the other two. the soundscape was chillingly authentic in its minimalism, complemented by the lighting. scene changes and props logistics were marvelously fluid and natural. that was my favourite part.

stupid feelings...

what i am i supposed to do with them?

i am hesitant to get too excited about this

but i have good news.

Announcement: Joss Whedon (Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Serenity) will be back on the small screen with a new show called Dollhouse.

the good news is that Joss will be a) back on tv; b) doing his own show; c) sidekicked by good buddy Tim Minear who was deeply involved in Buffy, Angel and Firefly; d) joined by Buffy and Angel alumnus, Eliza Dushku.

the premise is, like all Joss, part sci-fi, part social critique, and all quirk. there is an undergound (figuratively) facility known as the Dollhouse that houses an elite group of individuals who can be imprinted with a variety of personalities, abilities, skills, etc. to complete missions for the highest bidder. these missions can vary from sexual fantasies to clandestine operations. at the end of every mission, the 'doll' has his or her memory wiped and goes back to living a child's life within the Dollhouse. Duskhu plays the heroine of the show, Echo, who begins to retain snippets of her memory. it is a very Phillip K. Dick sort of premise, where the sci-fi takes a backseat to the story, but still permeates every level of it to serve not only as a plot driver but also a character builder.

what Whedon has done so very well in the past is getting his actors to play completely different characters within the reality of a particular show. there was an episode of Buffy in which Buffy and Faith switched minds, or when Willow encountered a dimensionally translocated vampire version of herself. Dollhouse provides that opportunity on a weekly basis. Dushku is a proven talent. her character on Buffy was originally intended for a five episode arc, but she was so good that they kept her for the rest of the season (and then some).

the bad news is that this show is slated to run on FOX. this is the same Fox network that showed Whedon's last gem (Firefly) out of order, changed the schedule willy-nilly and unmarketed it to the point where they felt justified in cancelling it. this is the same Fox network that gave Tim Minear's last project (Drive) two episodes before pulling the plug. this is the same Fox network that killed Arrested Development. i HATE Fox.

on top of that, there is some writers guild strike about to go down, so even though Fox has signed on for seven episodes, it will be quite some time before we see anything. and since i've finished rewatching every episode of Buffy and Angel and seen every episode of Firefly 3 times (at least) and Serenity about 5 times, i'm jonesing for some new Joss. speaking of new Joss, tonight's new episode of The Office, 'Branch Wars,' is directed by Joss Whedon.