things to accomplish

i am back from a mild holiday hiatus (couldn't think of anything to write) with a very short list of things that i want to accomplish before my removal from this world -- and i don't mean all the super serious goals that i already have in place (i.e. marriage, children, retirement, aforementioned removal from this world). these are not long term goals per se, merely long and arduous enterprises.

1. Learn Tai Chi -- i've already started this one (it's always good to start early) thanks to the internet. there are a few websites out there with instructions on basic warm-ups and simple forms. once i get that i will hopefully have developed better living habits and a solid foundation to build on after i retire and join the senior Tai Chi group at the local park. the ulterior motive is, naturally, to master waterbending.
2. Switch to Ubuntu -- or whatever Linux distribution suits my needs, because i know that Mac OS X will be too expensive and Vista will be too crappy. what is holding me back at the moment is my limited hard drive space (so maybe i'll get a bigger one -- Seagate for sure) and the level of nerdery required to use Linux to its full potential, nevermind the 4-5 hours i will spend tweaking the GUI, on top of the hours spent digging up the necessary codecs, drivers, applications and learning the unix codes. as my astronomy prof (a hard-nosed Linux veteran) would often say, "RTFM."
3. Play Ice Hockey -- after graduation (so soon!) i plan on gathering up the old crew (HC Mimico Supra Redux) and signing up for a casual hockey league. acquiring equipment will be a bit costly, unless i get used equipment (pre-broken-in and already full of someone else's sweat -- huzzah!). but i will be saving money with Linux! it's all coming together.
   

'tis the season

ever wonder where all those september babies come from? 

victorian prose and poetry

as i write this i am awaiting my last exam of this calendar year, for the course Victorian Prose and Poetry. i had a lot of difficulty with this course for the following reasons:

1. teaching style -- nothing against the professor, but the format in which the class was held was not particularly conducive to my learning or understanding. i should have probably done more of the readings before class, rather than now, before the exam. it was just a bad circumstance. the class was held at 3-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. as well all know, that is the exact hour my brain turns comatose. it was preceded by two other courses, one of which was very similar to this one on all counts except that it was held at 9 am. coupled with all my essays due in a brief period of time, i skipped this class like a little schoolgirl with a Hello Kitty lunchbox.
   
2. course type -- it was a survey course, thus requiring the reading of many, many, many examples of Victorian writing from many, many, many different Victorian writers and thinkers. fluctuating styles and copious reading per lesson is not something i am suited to. this being the second survey course of the day made it very difficult to concentrate or care.
3. topics -- many of the topics that the writers railed upon (and i do mean rail; Victorians are quite good at it) border on irrelevant in my mind. anxieties about feminism and industrialization i have already come to my own terms with. though they are interesting, it just felt like someone was arguing my own arguments back to me.
4. jealousy -- because there was a girl that i liked who was always making o- i'm kidding. some of the writers were so accomplished and learned that i could not help but feel mildly inferior.

once this class is done, i might actually just read the text (an anthology) for fun.

innocuous

once in awhile my parents will ask me a random question about a girl. i'll be washing dishes when my dad asks something like, "how old is [la-la-la]?" or "what program is [la-la-la] in?" i think they are trying to hint, in a roundabout fashion, at something.

back in high school, i wrote an essay on prearranged marriages (funny how in television/movie/book prearranged marriages, the guy is usually really keen on this and it's the bride-to-be that runs for the hills with the man she truly loves/higher paid actor) and my conclusion was along the lines of "i would be in favour of a prearranged marriage if my parents picked the person that i would have picked." how clever was i back then, eh? i referenced Apu's and Simba and Nala's prearranged marriages and i was advised to stick to the text.

it is in moments like the i'm-pretending-to-not-be-interested questions that i long to become a parent myself. not because i will have opportunity to meddle in someone's life, but because i can then exercise the art of innocuous attention. this is a character trait that i am consciously trying to develop. it is attending and loving someone without him or her really being aware of it. most children do not realize how much their parents do for them, or have done for them, until much later in life when they become parents themselves. where worldly acts of kindness happen because of the possibility of gratitude, i consider a sign of gratitude as a failure for the innocuous attender in subtlety. sure, a word of thanks is nice, but it is so much better knowing that the affected is oblivious.

i went for a walk with a girl once, just around the school, because i wanted to tell her that i liked her but was stalling to formulate thoughts. a truck was heading towards us along the lane to our right while we were on the sidewalk and i saw that we would 'intersect' right at a puddle. as casually as i could, i slipped to her other side in between her and the truck so that i absorbed the ankle-high splash. in hindsight, i probably could have just slowed down and the splash would have fallen ahead of us, but that's not quite as cool.

my parents are very good being innocuously attentive (or i am woefully dense). even though i haven't said anything about it, they seem to be pointing me in a direction that i already intend to go. i don't think they are spying on me. they just know me. of course, they could just be very good at pointing out the glaringly obvious. my mom always tells me to get a drink when i've already pulled out a cup and started pouring.

Editing Power

i made my first 'movie' yesterday. it was annoying because i don't have any movie making software, other than Windows Movie Maker. it is an adequate program, but it doesn't work on my computer. all the dynamic link libraries cannot be detected. so i had to use another computer that was not internet capable; i used my computer to download the pictures and music and usb-drove it over to the video-making one. you'll see it on sunday. it's not even a video, more of a fancy slideshow (7.8 MB).

[EDIT]
video is now uploaded (click slideshow). couldn't get it onto youtube (i only tried once), probably because it is wmv.
[/EDIT]

anyway, it got me thinking about audio/video editing and how the media can so easily twist what you say or do and spin it a certain way, all because of context and framework.

below are two movie trailers. they're not the real trailers.

Shining

i've never seen this movie, but i know the general story, courtesy of the Simpsons.

Mary Poppins

this video shows the opposite effect. i have also never seen this movie, but i know the general story, also courtesy of the Simpsons.

reading list from july to december 06

Completed Books

1. J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
2. J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
3. J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
4. Margaret Atwood - Oryx and Crake
5. Margaret Atwood - Wilderness Tips (Short Story Collection: 10)
   
6. Alice Munro - Dance of the Happy Shades (Short Story Collection: 15)
   
7. Alice Munro - Runaway (Short Story Collection: 8)
   
8. Timothy Findley - The Wars
9. Timothy Findley - Not Wanted on the Voyage
10. Louisa May Alcott - Little Women
11. Daniel Defoe - Robinson Crusoe
12. Robert Louis Stevenson - Treasure Island
13. Frances Hodgson Burnett - The Secret Garden
14. Roald Dahl - The Witches
15. James Fenimore Cooper - The Last of the Mohicans
16. Nathaniel Hawthorne - The Scarlet Letter
17. John and Stasi Eldredge - Captivating
18. Orson Scott Card - Ender's Game
19. Orson Scott Card - Speaker for the Dead
    
20. Orson Scott Card - Xenocide
21. Orson Scott Card - Children of the Mind
22. Orson Scott Card - Ender's Shadow
23. Orson Scott Card - Shadow of the Hegemon
24. Orson Scott Card - Shadow Puppets
25. Orson Scott Card - Shadow of the Giant
26. Christopher Paolini - Eragon
    
27. Christopher Paolini - Eldest

Completed Short Stories

1. Edgar Allen Poe - The Raven
2. Edgar Allen Poe - The Tell-Tale Heart
3. Anton Chekhov - The Lady with the Pet Dog
4. Henry James - The Real Thing
5. Evelyn Waugh - The Man Who Liked Dickens
6. Herman Melville - Bartleby, the Scrivener: A Story of Wall Street
7. William Faulkner - Barn Burning
8. William Faulkner - A Rose for Emily
9. Charlotte Perkins Gilman - The Yellow Wallpaper
10. Katherine Mansfield - The Garden Party
11. Katherine Mansfield - Miss Brill
12. James Joyce - Araby
13. James Joyce - The Dead
14. Virginia Woolf - Kew Gardens
15. Chinua Achebe - Dead Men's Path
16. Leslie Marmon Silko - The Man to Send the Rain Clouds
17. Gabriel Garcia Marquez - A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings
18. Rohinton Mistry - Squatter
19. Mavis Gallant - Voices Lost in Snow
20. Alice Munro - How I Met My Husband
21. Margaret Atwood - Happy Endings
22. Lori Moore - How to be Another Woman
23. Phillip K. Dick - We Can Remember it for You Wholesale 
    

Porcelain Philosophy 3: Hermaneutics

it has been quite some time since my last porcelain philosophy post. that is not to say that my cheeks have not seen their fair time of the cold seat, but rather my mind has not been philosophizing lately due to preoccupations. in any case, the quest for self-identity is still under way.

heads up: narratology in action.

i came across two very vague terms in the course of my studies: the Hermeneutics of Emanation and the Hermeneutics of Suspicion. they're a mouthful, aren't they? hermeneutics, for the uninitiated, is the science of interpretation, pertaining most commonly to Scriptural study.
Hermeneutics of Emanation refers to the use of narratives as interpretation through emanation. that is to say that everything in life has meaning; any narrative that fits it does so because of its inherent meaning. life is a logical force; literature is its interpreter.
Hermeneutics of Suspicion is, as i'm sure you suspected, the opposite. life in itself is meaningless; it is just cause and effect, repeated ad infinitum. sentients (i.e. us) give order and logic to this haphazardous life by imposing a narrative upon the events: imbued meaning. life is random; literature is used to put it into an order that makes sense to us.

i started this search for my narrative prior to learning of these two schools of thought. the Christian in me leans towards Hermeneutics of Emanation. all around me i can see the cycle of Christ: birth, glory, trial, death and resurrection. i see it in the seasons, i see it in comedies and i see it everyday in the way people wake up, do their thing, go to sleep, and do it all over again. the sun will (appear to) rise and then it will (appear to) fall. this pattern is hardcoded into our being. but what have i just done? i have imposed a narrative upon what i've observed in life, like in Hermeneutics of Suspicion. and around we go.

final assignment of the year 2006

for my short story class, i was asked to re-write the story of the Three Little Pigs with a particular genre in mind. i started out wanting to write a Gothic short story where three sisters were the 'pigs' and the family butler was the 'wolf' who was in love with sister #3, hiding in the house with them from some rumoured predator (also the butler). it would have been stalkeriffically creepy, but it was too hard to write in 2 hours (because i procrastinated). so i was struck by a new idea as the Office was running through my mind: a documentary.

here it is, in all its unedited glory because i don't edit.

House Pigs: Habits and Habitations

The common house pig (sus domesticus), unlike its wild and hedonistic brethren prefer to settle in rural areas, rather than tramp around forests foraging for food. As omnivorous scavengers, their diet varies from location to location, highly dependent upon the humans that choose to feed them. Humans, a lazy but resourceful breed, follow house pigs around, waiting for them to build lodgings before co-opting them for their own purposes. House pigs are recompensed with food and mud. House pigs are incapable of making their own mud for wallowing. As they do not roam for watering holes, they rely on humans to provide the necessary water for mud. The relationship between house pig and human is considered to be symbiotic. After many years of co-habitation, house pigs and humans can become indistinguishable in feature and habit.

Juvenile house pigs embark on a journey in their fourth year to find a new home to live, building their own when one cannot be found. Building materials vary, also dependent on the materials they can forage from human refuse. The most common are made of straw and thatch, or sticks leaned against trees and rocks. They are not the most impressive of homes, no more than hovels in the ground. There have been isolated instances of houses built of sturdier materials, like the hull of an abandoned carriage or a pile of bricks. These houses can be ornate enough for humans to live in them outright. These houses also allow for the house pigs to build hearths for warming their homes in the winter.

The house of the house pig is not only meant for protection from the elements but also from the house pig’s natural predators. As large and slow-moving beasts, house pigs fall prey to any carnivore larger than 1 m in height. Crafty hunters will trick house pigs out of the safety of their homes by baiting the entrances with giblets or turnips. The most prominent house pig predator is the windy wolf (Canis lupus ventosus), a very rare breed of wolves with expanded lung capacities and the ability to exhale with gale-force winds – 8 on the Beaufort scale (63-74 km/hr), enough to cause light structural damage. Lazy pigs fall easy prey to this elusive predator. Their homes – far from sturdy – are blown away with ease by the windy wolf. Of course, Newton’s third law forces the wolf back several kilometers from the recoil of its own breath, giving the house pig time to escape if it is not grievously injured.

In 1435 there was a recorded instance of a stubborn windy wolf making siege on a house pig holed up in a brick dome. Each attempt to blow down the house sent the wolf back three kilometers, allowing the crafty house pig to forage and relieve itself at half hour intervals. Observers at the time theorized that the house pig had actually stolen a kite from the windy wolf, for they saw a red one flying from the smoke vent of the brick dome, taking advantage of another futile attempt. They noted that the wolf seemed particularly irate after that. When it finally returned from the recoil trip, it clambered up the dome and into the smoke vent. The wolf was not seen again. The house pig was arrested by environmental officials upon hearing the reports of the observers for the murder of an endangered species. He was later released and absolved when the judge ruled that the pig was provoked.

sleep is for the responsible

LifeDev has posted a link to the National Sleep Research Project on 40 amazing facts about sleep.

excerpted from said facts:

It's impossible to tell if someone is really awake without close medical supervision. People can take cat naps with their eyes open without even being aware of it.

The continuous brain recordings that led to the discovery of REM (rapid eye-movement) sleep were not done until 1953, partly because the scientists involved were concerned about wasting paper.

Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can reset the brain's sleep-wake clock.

British Ministry of Defence researchers have been able to reset soldiers' body clocks so they can go without sleep for up to 36 hrs. Tiny optical fibres embedded in special spectacles project a ring of bright white light (with a spectrum identical to a sunrise) around the edge of soldiers' retinas, fooling them into thinking they have just woken up. The system was first used on US pilots during the bombing of Kosovo.

one actually confirmed a theory i had about sleepiness. i found that i acted drunk when very very tired, even though i've never been drunk, or even tasted alcohol before:

Seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05%.

during a late-night poker game at winter retreat 06, i found that my inhibitions mysteriously disappeared at around 1:20 am, resulting in a) the ability to bluff opponents by shooting my mouth off; b) sitting outside for 20 minutes eating a block of ice because i got eliminated and that was the challenge.

pocketfish parenting - 1: the potty

i'm quite sure my readership is not at the parenting stage (yet/anytime soon) but it doesn't hurt to prepare. presenting, on a bit of a lark, pocketfish parenting: ideas i have or encounter that i will try to remember for the future.

Parent Hacks posted something on using Ping-Pong balls as a potty training prop back in october and i thought i'd share.

of course, commentors were quick to point out that ping-pong balls are not as fun to fish out once they've been doused. the physics major (that is still) in me would also like to point out the splash factor involved with spraying a spherical object. mess minimization is key, so really, ping-pong ball sits in the half-good idea pile.

my top three props:

1. ice cube: floats and melts, and if you suck and hit the hole, it will splash back. fun for the whole family.
2. paper "boat": tap into those innate violent male predilections for destruction and tell your boy to sink that battle ship.
3. cheerios: the one with the hole that doesn't splash back. flushable, and feeds the goldfish in the sewers.

i don't remember ever getting such things to play with as a kid but i will definitely go play now.

2:00 am

is when my writing turns to cheese. 3:00 is when it turns to yogurt.

i am sitting here trying to finish this last essay (i'm on the conclusion), but i already know the whole thing is a write off. the one i finished yesterday was of equal (lack of) quality, but longer.

i don't like being pressed for time when writing. i don't like writing about things that barely interest me. but i still like writing, and in order to improve on it, i have to suck it up and take english courses so that i can learn to think and communicate coherently. it's not about the marks. so i tell myself.

i take it as a sign of improvement that i can recognize my own fecal matter for what it is when i read it because it means i can also recognize when i drop a log of gold.

i am definitely not proud of myself now, but i am definitely not going to waste time and energy beating myself up over it either. i think i relish my own ambivalence.

i have writer's block. i've had it for three weeks. what i've handed in, and what i will hand in are all essentially the same topic but with different citations and sources and for different courses. if anything, i am being economical.

it's not real writer's block, or else i would not have written here. this is literary pacing. my thoughts are being published unfiltered. i think pretty grammatically correctly, no?

in conclusion, i really dislike saying that. i dislike writing conclusions in general because i am not a very conclusive person. there is a giant paper mache piggy bank that sits unwinged, unpainted and unfinished to testify to this. all my previous english teachers noted that my conclusions could stand for improvement, but they've never actually explained how to do so. come to think of it, did i ever learn anything in english other than the jargon of literary criticism? there were no lessons on how to write better, how to overcome blockages, how to conclude essays, how to formulate theses... at least not in high school. all we did was read and talk about it. and then write about it. then wince at the mark.

when writing an assignment, i've always done so with an ulterior motive: entertainment. i try to entertain the teacher reading my paper. i let myself play with the words, with the tropes, with the concepts. not very good at it though. i alliterate like an anglo-saxon. these essays are not entertaining. they are likely to sound highly uneducated and a bit raving. my suffering becomes their suffering. reading bad writing causes a visceral pain.

i've gone and blogged for twenty minutes when i could have finished that last essay.

Do You Realize?

do you realize
that you have the most beautiful face?
do you realize
we're floating in space?
do you realize
that happiness makes you cry?

do you realize
that everyone
you know
someday
will die?

and instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know you realize
that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good things last
you realize the sun doesn't go down
it's just an illusion caused
by the world spinning 'round

do you realize

do you realize
that everyone
you know
someday
will die?

and instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know you realize
that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good things last
you realize the sun doesn't go down
it's just an illusion caused
by the world spinning 'round

do you realize
that you have the most beautiful face?
do you realize?

original version: The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize? (4.08 MB)
remixed version: The Postal Service - Do You Realize? (5.55 MB)

ripening

i figured out why 11 year old girls kept having crushes on me a couple of years ago: i had the apparent maturity of a very cool 15 year old. now i am a very awkward 17.

i wish i were this nerdy

this guy has a workroom with three walls covered in storage bins of LEGO. what is worth noting is that this guy has a wife =D there is hope!

Things you CAN'T do when you're NOT in a pool

www.dontbethatguy.com

this is genius. i love the music and the last bit.

am i easy?

yesterday, before heading downtown to my program's seminar, i lost my shoe-shopping-with-a-girl virginity.

i was loitering at Scarborough Town Centre before it was time to subway down. walking past Le Chateau i saw a friend from my program trying on shoes. so i waddled into the women's shoes section of Le Chateau and said hello. we decided to wait and subway together. she was looking for shoes because her dress shoes were back home in Ottawa and she had a residence dance to attend on Thursday.

very out of place, i stood around and commented when asked about which shoe looked better. she was planning on wearing a simple black dress (the one that every woman should have) and wanted something to match and dance in. they were the kind with pointed toes and about 1.75" of heel. she didn't want a strapped heel as that would chafe and annoy.

"how do these look?" they were velvety navy with a strap across the top of the shoe (where the toe coverage begins) and a subtle buckle.

"are you going to be wearing a belt?"

"no. why do you ask?"

"because the shoes have buckles."

"haha, that's so cute! you want the buckles to match with a belt!"

"i hear they're in fashion now, wearing a belt over a long shirt or dress for no reason. i guess it's slimming. i wouldn't wear a belt unless i had something to clip to it" (i recently had a mini-tutorial on the 80s fashion that was making a comeback because someone asked if that puffed up ponytail over the head was a cool look).

"i'm not that fashionable so i don't have one of those belts."

she settled on the pair that she was trying when i walked in (glossy leather pattern with criss-crossing overlays) because it was the kind of shoe that you could either dress up or dress down. shoe shopping is a science.

while waiting for the sales lady (who did not ask me if i needed any help with a selection, by the way. disappointed) to come back with a pair of shoes of a particular size, my friend went to look for handbags to go with the shoes and the dress.

"how does this look? i don't really like the straps across the front." she tucked the tails into the main band.

while lining up she decided to forgo buying the handbag ($30!) as she paid for her shoes. 20 minutes in Le Chateau and i lost my shoe-shopping-with-a-girl virginity. i wasn't even aware i was losing it until it was gone.

we arrived at Bloor and Spadina about 20 minutes early so we scouted the area for some place to buy a handbag. on a lark, i suggested that we go to the Jewish Community Centre to check out their (nonexistent) selection. so we traipsed in and someone asked us if we needed help and my friend asked if there was any place nearby that sold handbags. we were directed (in all seriousness, as the Jewish are a helpful folk) to either the fancy shopping district (Yonge) or the Shoppers Drug Mart across the street. Shoppers Drug Mart it was.

i almost lost my handbag-shopping-with-a-girl virginity (again), but i was spared by their low selection.


note: the first shopping-with-a-girl virginity that i lost was, naturally, my hockey-stick-shopping-with-a-girl virginity on the last day of grade 9. she bought a Jofa, which led me to my eventual purchase of the Jofa i wield today. my hat/jersey/cd/laptop/lampshade-shopping-with-a-girl virginities are still up for grabs.

thanks for nothing

i held the door for someone today.
she said thank you.
i let go of the door and turned around to make sure she got through.
she got stuck.

because i care

about your banana =]

do

i hadn't driven up Reesor at night for a few weeks and i got the chance tonight. it was darker than i remembered. i got to use the high beams. i like high beams because it makes me feel polite when i lower them for traffic ahead. i like using them when going up hills and then turning it down as i crest the top so that the light points to the road ahead.

i zipped along at about 96 kph. fast enough so that i could pass the 60 sign without it registering in my mind. i slowed for the railroad tracks because they were bumpy. and there was a blind bend after the second one. back on straight road i let the Yaris play, dodging pair of raccoons who had dirtied the road with their hemoglobin. they hid their bandit-faces. possibly in shame for the mess they made.

i wondered what would happen if a deer crossed my path. i was already pushing 100 and even on high beams, i was probably overrunning my headlights.

i eased off the gas.

a flash of white and russet caught my eye and she came into full view, padding elegantly across the road with eyes lidded from the sudden light as i neared. i glided to a stop just as the doe finished crossing the opposite lane. she tossed a look over her shoulder and flicked her tail as she waded into the grass, out of the glare and back into the night.

EDIT: Sunday, November 19
Driving home along 14th Ave today after church, i encountered another deer, a juvenile buck that traipsed across a few fields and the road. i stopped to watch it bound away to the north over the corn stalks that had been cut down for winter. where his herd was, i do not know.

influence

300th post: the songs in my head

Dirty Vegas - Days Go By

i didn't think much of the original dance-y overproduced version of this song until i heard the acoustic one. this is the semi-acoustic live version. i couldn't find the fully acoustic version. i thought dirty vegas was black, just like i thought fefe dobson was white.

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

there's some creepy staring in this video, but you'll get over it. the woman is Lisa Hannigan, who sings with him. she has an awesome lilt. and you will also see that her sweater looks like kelp.

Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk - Paperweight

i obviously like duets. Joshua Radin is featured a few times on Scrubs. that is because Zach Braff seems to have a man-crush on him. Radin has two songs on the soundtrack of Braff's latest movie, The Last Kiss. it is a morally ambiguous movie.

Danny Boy (4.72 MB) (right-click, save-as)

yes, that Irish song. there are many recordings of this, but i found one by an actual Irish group... called Celtic Woman. one of them sings it. i tried to post this on sunday as in a flash inline player, but i am incompetent (and blogger dislikes javascripts in their posts). this video is some old jazz pianist playing a jazz version. jazz piano reminds me of Everwood. one of my favouritest songs ever.

almost famous

since i have an essay due tomorrow, i decided to google myself. and this time i didn't quit because of grossoutedness at the first three or four hits that lead to that Asian male model by the same name. i only resent him for becoming a male model before me. now if i ever make it big in the male modeling scene, i'd just be a poser. that pun was so intentional.

there was also this amazing blog post by some guy. awkward.

but i digress (continually further from writing this essay).

i found two hits that were actually me! the first being this blog, nestled somewhere in the middle of page two. at the end of page three i found something of mine that made me laugh. click here! it's so nerd.

also: the genius that is indexed

Word of the Day: astute

as‧tute  /əˈstut, əˈstyut/ [uh-stoot, uh-styoot]
-adjective

1. of keen penetration or discernment; sagacious: an astute analysis.
2. clever; cunning; ingenious; shrewd: an astute merchandising program; an astute manipulation of facts.
[Origin: 1605–15; <>astūtus shrewd, sly, cunning, equiv. to astū- (s. of astus) cleverness + -tus adj. suffix]

—Related forms
as‧tute‧ly, adverb
as‧tute‧ness, noun

—Synonyms 1. smart, quick, perceptive. 2. artful, crafty, wily, sly.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

this is one of the most cherished words in my lexicon, partly because i fancy myself as being astute, but mostly because it sounds like an onomatopoeic synonym for flatulence.

Armchair Coach: Captain Down

Mats Sundin suffered a small ligament tear in his right elbow on Monday night's win over Philadelphia, and will be out of the lineup for 3-4 weeks.

Losing the team captain at any time is a terrible blow, but things could be worse. The Leaf schedule has a small lull in action, compared to the exorbitant number of games Toronto has played so far. Starting this Thursday until the end of the month, the Leafs will play Boston 5 times, and Montreal, Buffalo, New Jersey, New York Islanders, Washington and Atlanta once. That's 11 games in 22 days, 7 of which are against Northeast division rivals, but 5 against bottom-feeding Boston, so it will be a very good opportunity to put some distance between ourselves and Montreal. While no team can really be called a pushover, the teams we will be facing the rest of this month have been handled quite well by the Leafs this year (and last in the case of Atlanta). Still, they have to be careful and play a simple game. There are points to be had here.

With Sundin down, it will be more difficult, but Pavel Kubina is slated to return tomorrow night in Boston, bolstering a very strong defensive corps of McCabe, Kaberle, Gill, White and Bell (thus finally relegating Belak to the bench). The minutes Sundin used to eat (almost 20 per game) will filter down to the fourth line and give the Leafs fresher legs throughout the team.

Down the middle, the Leafs' glut of centre-icemen comes into play as Sundin is backed up by Peca, Wellwood, Stajan, Pohl and Antropov. Due to recent successes (5-1 in the last six games), it is likely that the Peca and Stajan lines will remain intact, with Peca's maintaining defensive duties while Stajan's continues to click for secondary (and sometimes primary) scoring. Wellwood will likely get the first line duties between Antropov and Ponikarovsky*.

Special teams will probably take the biggest hit, what with Sundin playing the top lines on both the powerplay and penalty kill. Wellwood and Stajan will need to step up and take charge of the powerplay down low to open up shots from the point.

*JABS post on the matter. looks like we're all thinking the same thing

if you could be...

any existing animal in the world, what would you choose to be?

on land, i would probably be a cheetah.
by sea, a dolphin. or maybe a thresher shark.
in the air, definitely a peregrine falcon.

hat-hair

at that moment the breeze calmed and the furious chewing of a nearby squirrel paused. he tugged the bill of his cap a little lower over his face. an ant crawled up his arm and tip-toed out of view. it drew his attention to the rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing. largo - slowly, broadly. he squinted in the sun and caught a hint of an underlying beat. andante - the gait of a man without a care in the world, and a mild limp due to the pressure difference between the atria and ventricles. a syncopation. jazzy. my heart knows jazz. or does jazz know the heart?.

"i see a rabbit with a toque."

he turned to face her and some grass poked into his ear. she turned to face him when he did not answer. staring contest? she asked with her eyes.

"what?" she asked with her voice.

"how can you tell it's a rabbit if it's wearing a toque?"

she rolled over onto her side and pillowed her head with an arm. the waning sunlight back-lit her hair. time to take a mental picture.

"why do you always ruin my cloud animals?" she curled her legs. if the rabbit-with-a-toque looked down now, she'd be a question mark, dotted by the shoes that she had neatly slipped off earlier. but clouds don't know what question marks are, so the cleverness was lost on it.

"because you have an anger-dimple, and i like it. there it is," he poked her chin, left of her pout.

a pinch of grass suddenly found themselves flung onto his face. more than a few poked his face-up ear. matching. grass for brains is just fresh straw for brains.

the squirrel took to chewing again and the breeze swept away the grass and giggles in its wake. he turned back to face the sky. it really does look like a rabbit with a toque. he measured an allegretto now, the skip of a little boy who just won sixteen marbles, who had the pockets to carry them all. she grabbed his hat, filled it with grass and dumped it on his face.

The Office, Season 2, Episode 5, Halloween

Questionable Content: Innuendo

on Sheppard Ave, between Brimley and Midland, there is a 'massage parlour' in the green-roofed plaza (congee king, pho ha). it is called Pink Rose Massage Spa. it has mirrored out windows. there are two neon signs on the windows that say OPEN or MASSAGE in garish colours, flanking the door on either side. on the door itself there is a message that reads:

ALSO YOU CAN ENTER
THE BACK DOOR
i kid you not.

i wanted to take a picture of it, but as sherm was posing in front of the door, it opened. i was fully expecting a heavily made-up chinese woman in a sleeveless cheong-sam (long dress) with her hair done up in a bun and chopsticks. instead, a tall and oddly portly caucasian woman opened the door and said, "you guys are losers."

Nerd Corner: Keyword Bookmarking in Firefox

if you are a Firefox user, here's a helpful bit of nerdery i picked up off Lifehacker, an awesome blog for nerds and people obsessed with productivity. the title link leads to Lifehacker's most thorough post on this subject.

anyone who uses a web browser on a regular basis uses Bookmarks (Firefox, Netscape) or Favourites (Internet Explorer) to access those commonly visited sites. Keyword Bookmarking allows Firefox users to type in a short Keyword in the Address Bar to access a Bookmarked site, rather than navigating to the Bookmarks Menu and finding the correct button. this means you no longer need to leave the keyboard. simply press Ctrl + L to get to the Address Bar, type in your keyword, and go.

Adding a Keyword to Existing Bookmarks
Right-click the bookmark you want to add a keyword for and you will see a few fields to fill in. type in a short phrase, or even just a letter into the Keyword field.

it took me a bit of work to get used to it, but now i have all my useful bookmarks keyworded. this spares you the trouble of organizing your bookmarks because you'll probably never have to click that menu again anyway.

Add Keyword Field to the Add a Bookmark Dialogue Box

the default Add a Bookmark interface (Ctrl + D to add the current page as a bookmark) in Firefox is quite spartan. you can choose a name, edit the location and enter a description. the extension OpenBook will allow you to tweak the interface to your choosing, adding a variety of options (such as bookmark location) if you so choose. i used this for awhile until i found something better.

Firefox's main claim to usefulness is its potential for user customizations, predominantly through the aforementioned extensions, little programs created by Firefox developers and users to extend the functionality of the browser. beyond that is the userChrome.css. this is a style sheet that dictates the way Firefox looks and acts through bits of coding a nerdy user might insert into the core Firefox program. with short bits of code, one can remove useless menus and menu options from sight, change scrollbars, and even add backgrounds to the menus. click here to jump to Lifehacker's mini guide to Chrome customization.

the important customization to note is:

/* Add a keyword when adding a bookmark */
#keywordRow { display: -moz-grid-line !important; }

now every time you Add a Bookmark you'll see:


with the Keyword field available conveniently upon inception.

Keyword Searching

Firefox comes with a built-in Google toolbar (Ctrl + K), so searching is pretty much already at your fingertips. it also allows you to add searches, such as Wikipedia or IMDB within that toolbar. that's all fine and dandy, but Google, Wiki and IMDB are not the only websites that you want to search. unbeknownst to many, Firefox will allow you create keyword searches. simply right-click over a search bar, say Google Images, and select "Add a Keyword for this Search". it is basically Adding a Bookmark that you activate by keyword.


set up a Keyword the same way you would a Bookmark


so now whenever you need to dig up an image...


simply type in the keyword for that search and enter the search query after a space. any keyword search that you add is added as a bookmark, so it'd probably be a good idea to dump them into a folder specifically for searches.

that's all for now. i'm all nerded out.

Porcelain Philosophy 2: The Closet

Note: formerly known as Life Theme (what a crappy name, eh?), this series of posts has been re-dubbed Porcelain Philosophy, inspired by Rodin's Thinker and its obvious connotations. huge life-altering concepts are best dealt with in the privacy and serenity of the bathroom, where you purge your waste below to make room for better things above.
---

Kallipareos. Of the lovely cheeks. Now she has it. The Homeric word is sparkling on her hook. And beyond that she is suddenly aware of all her Greek vocabulary, of everything which seems to have been put in a closet for nearly six months now. Because she was not teaching Greek, she put it away.
That is what happens. You put it away for a little while, and now and again you look in the closet for something else and you remember, and you think, soon. Then it becomes something that is just there, in the closet, and other things get crowded in front of it and on top of it and finally you don't think about it at all.
The thing that was your bright treasure. You don't think about it. A loss you could not contemplate at one time, and now it becomes something you can barely remember.
That is what happens.
And even if it's not put away, even if you make your living from it, every day? Juliet thinks of the older teachers at the school, how little most of them care for whatever it is that they teach. Take Juanita, who chose Spanish because it goes with her Christian name (she is Irish) and who wants to speak it well, to use it in her travels. You cannot say that Spanish is her treasure.
Few people, very few, have a treasure, and if you do you must hang on to it. You must not let yourself be waylaid, and have it taken from you.

- "Chance", Runaway by Alice Munro

the closet of my heart is the secret vault in which i keep that which is dearest to me. my secret vault is not built with fortifications in mind though. i dislike memorizing passwords and combinations and heavy metal. i see it has a quaint wooden door (two openings, like on Lamb Chop's Play Along) and a window (because some things in there prefer the light). the one shelf is sparsely populated by childhood trophies (the striped "rover's" floor hockey stick*), a few books (my first Bible, which i gave away) and a little box. photographs and memory sketches cover the facing wall. there is a calendar in the corner for important dates and a green marker clipped above it for additions. in another corner is a levitating frog. his name is George. it is a small and narrow closet, but i think i have enough space to get by for now.

* i was enrolled into a floor hockey league from grade one through three. each team was allowed 5 players plus a goaltender. two forwards and two defenders had to stay on their halves of the gym. the "rover" bored a stick that was wrapped with tape all the way up the shaft. rovers could cross the half-line without penalty.

Dove Evolution

video posting is great. i don't need to think to evoke thought.

edit: but i like to think. feel free to disagree.

"Beauty is a measurement of how thankful you are for what you've been given."

The Office, Season 3 Episode 5, Initiation

i found a free video editor, downloaded the codecs, learned to use the software, cropped the scene, re-encoded the scene, signed up with youtube and uploaded it, just so that i could embed the video here. yeah, there were two other ones there already, but they were of poor quality.

edit: something from last season

Life Theme Porcelain Philosophy 1: Language

this is the first installment of a new series of posts that will track my analyses and comments regarding the themes of the life i perceive around me, inspired by autumn.
this particular post came to me as i attempted to sleep. i got up out of bed to write this down. i lose a lot of sleep this way, but it is better than losing ideas.

---

the manner in which we appear and comport ourselves is very telling. if i ask you to list the characteristics of a stereotype, looks and actions comprise much of that list. lower on our radar, but of greater importance is language. how you speak and/or write is a reflection of the way you think. since it is so much easier to speak your mind, your word is gospel to your audience (if you are a liar and they know it, they'll just assume you mean the opposite of what you say, and they'll know what you're thinking anyway). your looks and actions send out visual cues; your words send out audio cues. people are naturally inclined to make their judgments and decisions based on these things (as we are not a sniffing or touching culture -- sort of like dogs).

words are swords; you do not need to be a Biblical scholar (James 3) or english major to realize this. though in themselves they are nothing, when we give words meaning, they become corporeal, tangible somethings. just as there are styles of swords, there are styles of speech and writing. just as each style of sword denotes a particular sophistication or ability, so too does the language you use.

back when we still wore swords at our sides (the men at least; women did not -- and still do not -- have penises, so they weren't allowed to carry phallic weaponry), you could tell the status, rank or level of sophistication of a man by the sword he wore. knights carried heavy broadswords, symbols of their strength and nobility and ability to mash things. Aristocrats and Zorro and Inigo Montoya favoured the nimbler rapier, a more refined weapon without the clunk of a broadsword. samurais, symbols of high culture, lived and died by the katana, elegance and precision personified. petty criminals could usually only afford ugly knives or prison-made skivvs and shanks. the way you write or speak is a window into your mind. assumptions are made here based on audio/visual cues. if you have a vocabulary the length of a crayon and primarily consisting of four-letter words that the MPAA frowns upon, expect to be treated like a petty criminal waving a shard of glass with a duct tape handle.

what type of sword do you carry? do you use it as a weapon for gain, or as a tool and badge of honour? do you write like a tW3Lve y3@r-oLD 0n AzN-aV3nUe?

it would be ironic if there were spelling errors or misused words in this post. if you find one, assume that i am arrogant because i did not care to take the time to check my spelling, and that i am pompous for using big words that i do not know.

pam's new car

vulnerable like a starfish under a hat

if you don't shake enough, and if your underwear isn't absorbant enough, it will run down your leg a bit.

*****

caffeine before bed will keep you up at night and make you think you should talk to that fetching young lady right away about just how fetching she is. and then you get hit in the face.

*****

for men:
it is okay to cry a) on your wedding day; b) when the leafs win the cup.
it is not okay to cry a) after your wedding night thing (and subsequent things); b) when the leafs don't make the playoffs.

*****

determining your gender:
what is the first thing that comes to mind when you see the word Darcy?

if you said, "Darcy Tucker" you are male.


if you said, "Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice" you are female.


*****

i got an invitation to a company christmas party dinner on november 18 that said my name and 'guest' and it made me want to get a guest to bring with me.

*****

i like reading margaret atwood and alice munro. they are secret windows into the female mind and i'm peeping ^.^
i don't like reading dan brown or about what dan brown wrote. he should be defenestrated.

Toast

Snowman in his tattered sheet sits hunched at the edge of the trees, where grass and vetch and sea grapes merge into sand. Now that it's cooler he feels less dejected. Also, he's hungry. There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive.
A breeze riffles the leaves overhead; insects rasp and trill; red light from the setting sun hits the tower blocks in the water, illuminating an unbroken pane here and there, as if a scattering of lamps has been turned on. Several of the buildings once held roof gardens, and now they're top-heavy with overgrown shrubbery. Hundreds of birds are streaming across the sky towards them, roostward bound. Ibis? Herons? The black ones are cormorants, he knows that for sure. They settle down into the darkening foliage, croaking and squabbling. If he ever needs guano he'll know where to find it.
Across the clearing to the south comes a rabbit, hopping, listening, pausing to nibble at the grass with its gigantic teeth, It glows in the dusk, a greenish glow filched from the iridicytes of a deep-sea jellyfish in some long-ago experiment. In the half-light the rabbit looks soft and almost translucent, like a piece of Turkish Delight; as if you could suck off its fur like sugar. Even in Snowman's boyhood there were luminous green rabbits, thouhg they weren't this big and they hadn't yet slipped their cages and bred with the wild population and become a nuisance.
This one has no fear of him, though it fills him with carnivorous desires; he longs to whack it with a rock, tear it apart with his bare hands, then cram it into his mouth, fur and all. But rabbits belong to the Children of Oryx and are sacred to Oryx herself, and it would be a bad idea to offend the women.
It's his own fault. He must have been stupefied with drink when he was laying down the laws. He should have made rabbits edible, by himself at any rate, but he can't change that now. He can almost hear Oryx, laughing at him with indulgent, faintly malicious delight.
The Children of Oryx, the Children of Crake. He'd had to think of something. Get your story straight, keep it simple, don't falter: this used to be the expert advice given by lawyers to criminals in the dock. Crake made the bones of the Children of Crake out of the coral on the beach, and then he made their flesh out of a mango. But the Children of Oryx hatched out of an egg, a giant egg laid by Oryx herself. Actually she laid two eggs: one full of animals and birds and fish, and the other one full of words. But the egg full of words hatched first, and the Children of Crake had already been created by then, and they'd eaten up all the words because they were hungry, and so there were no words left over when the second egg hatched out. And that is why the animals can't talk.
Internal consistency is best. Snowman learned this earlier in his life, when lying had posed more of challenge for him. Now even when he's caught in a minor contradiction he can make it stick, because these people trust him. He's the only one left who'd known Crake face to face, so he can lay claim to the inside track. Above his head flies the invisible banner of Crakedom, of Crakiness, of Crakehood, hallowing all he does.
The first star appears. "Star light, star bright," he says. Some grade-school teacher. Big-bum Sally. Now close your eyes right up tight. Tighter! Really tight! There! See the wishing star? Now we will all wish for the thing we want the very, very most of all in the whole wide world. But shhh--don't tell anyone, or the wish won't come true!
Snowman screws his eyes shut, pushes his fists into them, clenches his entire face. There's the wishing star all right: it's blue. "I wish I may, I wish I might," he says. "Have the wish I wish to tonight."
Fat chance.

"Oh Snowman, why are you talking to no one?" says a voice. Snowman opens his eyes: three of the older children are standing just out of reach, regarding him with interest. They must have crept up on him in the dark.
"I'm talking to Crake," he says.
"But you talk to Crake through your shiny thing! Is it broken?"
Snowman lifts his left arm, holds out his watch. "This is for listening to Crake Talking to him is different."
"Why are you talking to him about stars? What are you telling to Crake, oh Snowman?"
What indeed? thinks Snowman. When dealing with indigenous peoples, says the book in his head--a more modern book this time, late twentieth century, the voice a confident female's--you must attempt to respect their traditions and confine your explanations to simple concepts that can be understood within the contexts of their belief systems. Some earnest aid worker in a khaki jungle outfit, with netting under the arms and a hundred pockets. Condescending self-righteous cow, thinks she's got all the answers. He'd know girls like that at college. If she were here she'd need a whole new take on indigenous.
"I was telling him," says Snowman, "that you ask too many questions." He holds his watch to his ear. "And he's telling me that if you don't stop doing that, you'll be toast."
"Please, oh Snowman, what is toast?"
Another error, Snowman thinks. He should avoid arcane metaphors. "Toast," he says, "is something very, very bad. It's so bad I can't even describe it. Now it's your bedtime. Go away."

"What is toast?" says Snowman to himself, once they've run off. Toast is when you take a piece of bread--What is bread? Bread is when you take some flour--What is flour? We'll skip that part, it's too complicated. Bread is something you can eat, made from a ground-up plant and shaped like a stone. You cook it... Please, why do you cook it? Why don't you just eat the plant? Never mind that part--Pay attention. You cook it, and then you cut it into slices, and you put a slice into a toaster, which is a metal box that heats up with electricity--What is electricity? Don't worry about that. While the slice is in the toaster, you get out the butter--butter is a yellow grease, made form the mammary glands of--skip the butter. So, the toaster turns the slice of bread black on both sides with smoke coming out, and then this "toaster" shoots the slice up into the air, and it falls onto the floor...
"Forget it," says Snowman. "Let's try again." Toast was a pointless invention from the Dark Ages. Toast was an implement of torture that caused all those subjected to it to regurgitate in verbal form the sins and crimes of their past lives. Toast was a ritual item devoured by fetishists in the belief that it would enhance their kinetic and sexual powers. Toast cannot be explained by any rational means.
Toast is me.
I am toast.

Oryx and Crake, Margaret Atwood

autumn

i try not to play favourites, but i think autumn is becoming one of my favourite seasons, even though it is the season of waning life; proceeding the high and glorious summer; preceding the austere and deathly winter; opposite the verdant and fertile spring.

this year, i noticed the foliage a bit more than usual as they transitioned from greens to a supernova of reds and yellows, soon to degrade to purples and browns. there is something vaguely heroic about going out in a flourish of colour. mortality is best confronted behind a veil of tropes.

every narrative -- correction: successful narrative -- is imbued with the cyclical narrative of the seasons. case in point, the generic romantic comedy is comprised of four plot intervals: the incidental meeting, the burgeoning relationship, the catastrophic conflict, and finally the speech that resolves their rift, leading to happily ever after. it is named a comedy not for its humour, but for the resolution wrought by conflict and catharsis (remember how every Shakespearean comedy ended in marriage?).

of course there are other powerful narratives, such as the bildungsroman (the coming-of-age tale), or the Aristotelian Tragedy (similar to comedy, except everyone dies). every once in awhile we find ourselves in the middle of a narrative that has been played out countless times before by people all around us, and the people that came before us.

i am figuring out what story i am part of. there is no better time to do it than when the trees are bare and all the branching connections can be traced; before the snow sets in and covers it all up.

Toronto Maple Leafs: Opening Night Line Up

Goaltending
1 Raycroft
30 Aubin

Forward Lines
LINE 1: 23 Ponikarovsky; 13 Sundin; 42 Wellwood;
LINE 2: 18 Kilger; 27 Peca; 10 Steen;
LINE 3: 33 Battaglia; 14 Stajan; 16 Tucker;
LINE 4: 9 Suglobov; 53 Pohl; 92 O'Neill;

Defensive Pairings
PAIR 1: 15 Kaberle; 24 McCabe;
PAIR 2: 25 Gill; 7 White;
PAIR 3: 3 Belak; 56 Wozniewski

Healthy Scratches
43 Harrison
32 Tellqvist

Injured Reserve
80 Antropov (lower body, day-to-day)
36 Bell (ankle bruise, 2-3 wks)
45 Colaiacovo (headaches, day-to-day)
46 Ondrus (lower body, day-to-day)
44 Kronwall (sprained ankle, day-to-day)

Suspended
73 Kubina (1 game)

Andrew Raycroft will start his first official game as a Toronto Maple Leaf after being acquired in the off-season and signed to a three-year deal. He is looking to rebound from a dismal, injury-plagued 05-06 season in Boston, where he was bumped off the number 1 position by Hannu Toivonen.
Jean-Sebastien Aubin is coming off a brilliant 9-0-2 finish to last season as a call-up when Belfour went down, backstopping the Leafs' final 11 games without a regulation time loss. He is jockeying for the backup spot with Tellqvist. Expect one or the other to be traded within the next 2 weeks as they are both signed to one-way contracts. His strong performances during the pre-season gives him the slight edge.


Mats Sundin came off the Olympics like a man possessed, having just led his national team to a gold medal. He practically carried the team upon his back, scoring 20 goals in that time, willing the Leafs into the final playoff spot, but ultimately falling short by two points. The off-season did not yield any high-end wingers for him to play with this season, so he has decided to play more selfishly (finally!) and he's been given the Leafs' most skilled offensive player, Kyle Wellwood.
Wellwood had a solid rookie season (overshadowed by Crosby and Ovechkin) and he will be asked to improve on that this season playing on the top line. Fortunately, he has a history of catching his stride every sophomore season with a team by nearly doubling his goal and point production. In his first year with the Belleville Bulls he was 14-37-51 (Goals, Assists, Points). His next year with them saw his numbers skyrocket to 35-83-118 and similarly when he was with Windsor and St. John's.
Alexei Ponikarovsky began showing flashes of his true potential last season, finally using his size and heavy shot to create chances. His on-ice maturity evidently developed as a result of playing wing to Joe Niewendyk in the pre-lockout campaign. Poni will be doing most of the spade work on this line, digging out pucks for the playmakers, Sundin and Wellwood. Look for his one-timer from the circle when Sundin takes up roost behind the net.

Mike Peca, the Leafs' biggest acquisition this summer, adds a gritty, blue-collar approach to what has been a lackadaisical disregard for backchecking characteristic of previous Leaf teams. He will be tasked with shutting down the opposition's top scoring line. One of the best two-way players in the game, he's like an annoying, grizzled shadow that will hit you in the open ice.
Alex Steen will line up on Peca's wing to add some speed and a counter-attack scoring threat to this defensive line. Already gifted with natural two-way play, working with Peca will only make him better. Look for Steen to improve on his consistency and stamina in his sophomore season. He won't be a big points producer, but he brings a lot of the defensive intangibles that a team like the Leafs will need. They almost acquired Chris Pronger from Edmonton when they asked for a Kaberle and Steen package, but John Ferguson drew the line at Steen, showing just how important he is for the future.
Chad Kilger was a waiver wire pick up a few seasons ago with journeyman numbers. Last season he showed a bit of his OHL scoring touch, netting a career-high 17 goals. He is a gritty player, with above-average speed and size and very willing to use it. Much like Ponikarovsky, Kilger will be digging pucks off the boards for his linemates to put to the net. Expect him to get a few breakaways because of his good backchecking and speed. Also expect him to barge in and shoot it at the opposing goalie's pads to neutralize the rush. Oh well.

The third and fourth lines will generally be in flux as people step in and out of Paul Maurice's doghouse. Bates Battaglia and John Pohl both had strong showings in training camp and pre-season games. They both played under Maurice with the Marlies (Battaglia also played under him in Carolina) so they know what it takes to stay in the big league.
Matt Stajan will need to play more consistently and to his full potential in order to stay as third-line centre. He will probably see a lot of penalty-kill time (tied for the lead in short-handed points last season) alongside either Kilger, Steen, Peca or Sundin. He will also need to improve in his faceoff game.
Darcy Tucker will be called on to try to break that 30-goal plateau he fell shy of last season. He will need to play with a more composed ferocity and stay out of penalty trouble. He will likely see powerplay time in place of Ponikarovsky on the first powerplay unit. Look for him to set up on the left side at the goal line with a one-timer as Alexander Mogilny used to.
Jeff O'Neill had an excellent 40-goal season once while playing for Maurice with the Hurricanes. He has since lost his touch due to injuries and dealing with the loss of his brother Don last summer. Once he improves his fitness and regains his timing, the goals will fall into place. Big shots from the faceoff circle are his specialty. He will need to play a more defensively sound game to make it back to the top line though.
Alexander Suglobov was acquired at the trade deadline last year when Ken Klee was shipped to the New Jersey Devils. He is a Russian, so the name of his game is offensive razzle-dazzle (like Ilya Kovalchuk, but not a jerk). Most of the time he'll pull off four moves when one would be enough. His defensive game has improved since last season with the Marlies. As he acclimatizes to the NHL pace of the game, we might see him elevated to a scoring line.
Once he returns from his mild injury, look for Ben Ondrus to supplant any player who is consistently a defensive liability. Ondrus plays like a small wrecking ball, hitting anything that moves. He's like a younger Tie Domi, but without the big mouth and big divorce settlement.


The Leafs Defense Corps is an interesting mix this year. On one end of the spectrum we have hulking behemoths Hall Gill, Jay Harrison, Andy Wozniewski, Wade Belak, Pavel Kubina and Stefan Kronwall. Kubina, Kronwall and Wozniewski are pretty good skaters so they shouldn't have too much trouble in the new high-octane NHL. Hall Gill had a lot of problems last season in Boston, often getting into penalty trouble due to his slow skating. He needs to stay in position, where he is very effective at clearing out the front of the net (or mashing someone into the boards). Jay Harrison is a very responsible defenseman, but due to Toronto's lack of scoring, he will probably be relegated to the bench for the likes of more offensively talented players. On the other end we have smaller, shiftier, puck-moving defensemen like Carlo Colaiacovo (oft-injured and currently so) and Ian White. They have good offensive instincts to match their decent foot speed. They will be tasked with carrying the puck out of their own zone and bumping up that first pass to the forwards. Hopefully they will not fall to the bad habit of cross-ice diagonal glory passes.
The backbone of the defense corps will once again be assistant captain Bryan McCabe, and his partner (indeed) Tomas Kaberle, both freshly resigned to lengthy contracts and looking to pick up where they left off last season. Kaberle's deceptively whirly skating (once the cause of many a turn-over) soared to new heights last season, certifying Kaberle's ability as a puck mover and passer. Bryan McCabe will usually be the recipient of Kaberle's feathery passes. Hopefully he will be able to pick up the (heavy-handed) scoring touch that he lost over the Olympic break last year.

which is worse?

1. angry social outcast unloads a military rifle into a crowded cafeteria of college students, singling out one girl to shoot repeatedly before turning the gun on himself when the police arrive.

2. angry teenager breaks into his father's gun cupboard and shoots his principal, whom he believes to have ignored his requests for punishment against his tormentors.

3. 53 yr. old man holds six girls hostage, sexually assaults them, and executes one before killing himself.

4. 31 yr. old trucker seeking vengence for an incident that occured 20 years ago, storms a small Amish school, ties up all the girls in front of the chalkboard and shoots them all one at a time before commiting suicide.

i will

i will take you to the beach
where the sunset does not mean anything bad
and the stars go out to play on the water
where the waves will chase our toes.

it will feel like forever
but forever in the good way (not boring)
the sandwiches will sort of have sand in them
it will finish all too soon.

introspection

we have an innate, human desire to understand our lives in concrete terms and to string them together logically, if so inclined; life takes on the form of a narrative in your medium of choice. perhaps this is why art, in all its forms, holds such an allure.

for myself, different situations call for different art forms. brief moments are captured quite neatly in single-pane comic strips (e.g. Farside, by Gary Larson). intensely emotional situations usually require a song, or piece, of music to act as an outlet. oftentimes i will replay a scene from the day in my head, but tinker with the dialogue, change the angle of the lighting, play the leitmotif with the french horn instead of the sax (less schmultzy) etc. it does an excellent job of keeping me awake when i'm trying to sleep.

it recently occured to me (last night) that each new chapter in life is governed by a theme that i only see in restrospect. each school term, i've found an overarching idea that seemed to tie together every course and conversation i was participating in at the time, no matter how diverse in topic they were. this is not limited to school. i have no examples because i have conveniently forgotten them. realizing these things upon introspection is as rewarding as rewatching an episode of the Office and catching a joke i had missed.

this time around, i've gotten a slight jump on this game of mental aerobics and i think i've caught the formation of the theme in the act. i had rushed into summer, looking to get what i wanted, through deliberation and initiative. there was a silly idea in my head that that's what manly men did. i know myself pretty well and i can definitely say i am a much better at reacting than i am initiating, so this can be seen as an overcompensation (ha). if this were a play, it would be the scene (Act IV, scene iii) where the protagonist gets complacent because the Wheel of Fortune has lifted him to the top. i had two classes in Shakespeare just before the summer. cue Act V, pathetic fallacy and inevitable fall. how tragic. how cathartic. this is usually the end of the play. a comedy of well-intentioned errors, adding a few more bricks on the road to hellooooo, nurse! anyone remember Animaniacs?

introspection occurs most often in the pits, where you can take a break from the monotony of the race and have other people change your tires, but mostly because there is nothing else to see. so there i receded into the back of my mind (where all the good stuff happens, so i'm told by neuropsychology students) to watch the proceedings from the cocoon of my own skull. i prayed to be able to hear God's voice. when we did that Taize worship thing a few months back, this is what i heard: "Moses! Moses!" (Exodus 3:4). i realized* that God calls you by name more than once - perhaps utilizing the physics of the echo effect. skulls have good reverberation.

this led to what i now see to be the theme of this chapter. instead of trying to be all manly by rushing headfirst into ambitious projects or solid objects, i need to learn to wait and listen**. coincidentally (or is it?), this has everything to do with what i'm studying at school, but only if i'm looking for it.

* i realized more than that, but it is off-topic
** from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Book 2: Earth, Chapter 3, 4 & 6, describing Aang's blind Earthbending master, Toph Bei Fong.

The Office: Season Premiere

*****spoiler warning*****

how many television shows have you seen that will actually cause you to roll on the floor with laughter (ROFL)?

Season 3 of the Office (US) was a great start to what will hopefully be a memorable season. it'd be pretty hard for any show to follow up an Emmy Award winning (Best Comedy) season, but it already looks promising. Oscar Nunez (the accountant) was officially outed by boss, Michael Scott. talking head time was priceless (giggling Kevin). the new characters will take some getting used to.

click title link for some Dwigt action

i'm a user

my first major purchase was an Asus Z63a, back in February 3rd, 2006 and by all counts i am pleased with my decision. i try to stick by my decisions.

anyway, the process of obsessively researching and forming an informed opinion prior to making my decision led me to various pieces of free software with which to complete the experience. feel free to make suggestions.

Anti-Virus/Spyware/Adware/Malware/Junk: paid software suites (Norton, McAfee, etc) are generally bulky and memory hogs, slowing down boot-ups and performance in general. here is what i am using.

Anti-Virus: avast!
a memory-friendly and freely available anti-virus solution. easy to use, skinnable and fairly customizable. the only thing is that registration needs to be renewed every year. a 20 second copy and paste job once a year is nothing. AVG is another option (sans yearly registration) but it is slightly more taxing on my battery life (15 minutes) and the security tool used by UTSC to scan computers for the wireless network cannot detect AVG.

Anti-Spyware: not every anti-spyware solution can cover everything, so it is recommended that you use a suite of them. see Ars Technica's review.

Ad-Aware SE 6 Personal
a very thorough scanning tool that is quite easy to use. after scanning, it is a bit confusing, but the tabs will allow you to view each category of removable file (critical, non-critical) and select which ones to remove.

Spybot - Search and Destroy
this one has the coolest license agreement ever.

I. Freeware
First of all, the reasons why Spybot-S&D is free:

I.a. Dedication
Spybot-S&D is dedicated to the most wonderful girl on earth :)

I.b. Binary
What do you get if you buy software? Lots of ones and zeros, nothing more. If they were distributed as art, I could understand paying it. But if the main goal of their order is to earn money - by fees or ads - I don't like it!

I.c. Conclusion
This means that I grant you the license to use Spybot-S&D as much as you like. But if you like it, I ask two things of you: say a prayer for me (and the most wonderful girl while you're at it ;) ) to your god - or whatever you believe - and wish us some luck.

Spyware Blaster
for pre-emptively blocking known spyware from installing. the name is quite nerdy too. speaking of nerdy, when i'm bored at work, i run anti-virus and anti-spyware scans. i race them on different computers. the races are not even because my work computer is pitiful. it makes me feel good.

Windows Malicious Software Removal Tool
this is a back up procedure for me. i don't know how well it works because i've never detected anything with it. i assume this is testament to the effectiveness of the software above it.

RegScrubXP
not an anti-spyware or anti-virus tool, rather it scrubs XP's registry of entries that are no longer associated with anything in particular. this usually occurs after uninstalling an application that does not clean up after itself.

CCleaner
system cleaner, to get rid of temporary files, deleted files, application history, cookies, etc in one fell swoop. small, fast, and stands for crap cleaner. how neat is that?

Tools: stuff that i regularly use either for work, or fun, or both

Audio/Video:
winLame: a compact and flexible audio encoder
Audacity: audio editor with a clever name
VideoLan - VLC Media Player: plays just about any codec you throw at it
iTunes: not small or particularly memory friendly, but i like the look and the library search capabilities, among other things. i use this because i'm shallow and it matches.
DeepBurner: free CD burning tool (also DeepRipper for the reverse process)

Instant Messangers:
MSN Messenger 7.5: because i'm a lemming. i see no reason to use Live Messenger 8.0 at this point. Aero MSN if you really want the Live/Vista look.
Google Talk: small, simple, Google.

Internet Related:
Mozilla Firefox: securer, customizable, open-source browser.
i use the iFox theme, AdBlock Plus (for blocking advertisements), IE Tab (for those visits to microsoft.com) and FoxPose (for sifting through many tabs, OS X Expose style). also available for use is Keyword Bookmarking.
Mozilla Thunderbird: securer, customizable, open-source email client.
i use the Tiger Mail theme, and Lightning (Mozilla's experimental calendar extension - it's not nearly as good as Outlook 2003's calendar, but maybe in 2 years)

Application Launching:
ObjectDock: basically a shortcut bar that resides on your desktop that allows you to reach commonly used applications or files without sifting through folders or the start menu (like OS X's Dock) with some visual amenities. fully customizable icons (provided you have the icons).
Launchy: command line-style application launcher, similar to Google Desktop Search or OS X's Spotlight search. Launchy allows you to pick which directories to index, as well as the file type. for example, i've indexed the My Documents folder for .docs, .xls, .ppt, .pdf, .txt, but not .mp3 so other files are left alone. however, Launchy does not index the text within files like GDS or Spotlight does. still, it has things sped up greatly (mousing is generally much slower).

Other:
Paint.NET: because Photoshop is Adobe and therefore clunky.
Console Calculator: i like typing in equations, rather than trying to key in an operation using a graphical interface.

Porphyria's Lover

The rain set early in to-night,
The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm-tops down for spite,
And did its worst to vex the lake:
I listened with heart fit to break.
When glided in Porphyria; straight
She shut the cold out and the storm,
And kneeled and made the cheerless grate
Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
Which done, she rose, and from her form
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
And laid her soiled gloves by, untied
Her hat and let the damp hair fall.
And, last, she sat down by my side
And called me. When no voice replied,
She put my arm about her waist,
And made her smooth white shoulder bare,
And all her yellow hair displaced,
And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,
And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,
Murmuring how she loved me -- she
Too weak, for all her heart's endeavour,
To set its struggling passion free
From pride, and vainer ties dissever,
And give herself to me for ever.
But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could to-night's gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, and all in vain:
So, she was come through wind and rain.
Be sure I looked up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last I knew
Porphyria worshipped me; surprise
Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While I debated what to do.
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untightened next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:
I propped her head up as before,
Only, this time my shoulder bore
Her head, which droops upon it still:
That smiling rosy little head,
So glad it has its utmost will,
That all it scorned at once is fled,
And I, its love, am gained instead!
Porphyria's love: she guessed not how
Her darling one wish would be heard.
And thus we sit together now,
And all night long we have not stirred,
And yet God has not said a word!

Robert Browning (1835)

so creepy...

back to school

ENGB34 - The Short Story
Professor: Alexandra Peat
i like short stories. they are shorter (duh) and are generally more artistic in nature when compared to novels. they're like prose poems. the professor is the same as the one i had for a class last fall (critical thinking in narrative). some of the short stories from then are repeated here as well (James' The Real Thing, Joyce's the Dead - the good ones). our first study was on Chekhov, the russian playwright/doctor (like how Dr. McNinja is a ninja/doctor). he is well known for his ambiguous stories and inconclusive endings and banal dialogues. i love it.

ENGB35 - Children's Literature
Professor: Michael Boughn
i'm quite excited about this course, but only because i get to read Roald Dahl (The Witches), C.S. Lewis (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe), Lewis Carroll Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass) and J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone). but i also have to read things like Robinson Crusoe, Treasure Island, the Secret Garden and Little Women. the professor is a good speaker but flies off on tangents farther than i do (because he is more knowledgable). i like his stories about his kids though. i don't think it is womanly to want to have children, so that's what i want.

ENGB08 - Collisions of Culture and the Emergence of a Liberal Nation: Early American Literature
Professor: Ian Macrae
this course i picked because it fit my schedule and i will likely see it through because i wish to become a more diverse reader. however, this course doesn't have too much going for it. the professor is decent and he also has a nice monotone voice like my own. i sit in the very front so that i cannot fall asleep.

ENGC02 - Major Canadian Authors
Professor: Marlene Goldman
i was very much looking forward to this class because apart from Roald Dahl, C.S. Lewis and J.K. Rowling, my favourite authors are Robertson Davies and Maraget Atwood. unfortunately, this class is only studying Atwood, Alice Munroe and Timothy Findley. i remember one of Munroe's short stories (How I Met My Husband) and i've heard good things about Findley. should be an excellent class to articulate my Atwood obsession many thanks go to Jacqueline for stealing a huge stack of Atwood novels from her local library's donation pile, to Reach for the Top for awarding me a copy of Dancing Girls and Other Short Stories in a raffle and to Sharon for prompting me to read Oryx and Crake (which will be studied).

ENGC20 - Victorian Prose and Poetry
Professor: Natalie Rose
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

my crush

Jenna Fischer, aka Pam Beesly on The Office (US):


i like...
- the way she doesn't need a layer cake of makeup or fancy frills to be attractive, but she can still pull off glamourous
- the way she writes (see her blog - link above)
- her facial acting range
- her silliness

the office

season premiere
Thursday, September 21
8:30 pm
NBC

Steve Irwin(Febuary 22 1962 - September 4 2006)

While filming for his upcoming tv special Ocean's Deadliest, the 'Crocodile Hunter' Steve Irwin, was most unconventionally felled by a stingray. He was doing some shallow water segments when he swam just a little too close over the stingray. The ray's signature barbed tail speared the fearless Irwin in the chest, piercing his heart. While stingray barbs are coated in venom, it is hardly enough to kill a man outright. Irwin died of massive cardiac trauma due to the 20-inch spike impaling him in the heart. He is only the second person to die of an Australian stingray attack following the first reported case in Melbourne, 1945.

He had an uncanny way with animals of all sorts and was heralded worldwide for his quirky, but humane treatment of dangerous creatures (most notably the salt-water crocodiles of Australia). His celebrity status fell briefly after his first feature film tanked, and fell further when he put on a public display of feeding a crocodile while cradling his one-month old child in the other arm.

Steve Irwin is survived by his wife and co-star Terri, and their two young children.

if you thought humans were bad...

...then obviously you've never seen the insect world in action (click title link for video). all the greed and viciousness of people pale in comparison to what you're about to see.

Warning: this video is not for the faint of heart or those that are deathly afraid of flying insects (bees in particular).

good idea

Good Idea: Whistling while you work

Great Idea: Eating a sample-sized pat of Nutella with a plastic fork while you work

summer

i went into this summer looking to do some serious relaxing after my month of student teaching at UHS. basically join the longlac stm and softball (plus the usual aletheia stuff). i planned on skipping out on the hassles of summer work because i did not want to even think about money.

UHS was a very good experience. i needed a bit of affirmation in regards to teaching, and it seems i'm not as incompetant as i originally thought. all it takes is a bit more preparation. i am normally not a big proponent of preparation, but i've heard great things about it. i tried it out to ample success, after losing a lesson or two along the way.

then i got sucked into a job, a huge opportunity. an industrial valve distributing company was migrating to a new business management software and they needed lackeys to prep and move their data. i'm not sure if anyone here has read my resume, but i would probably not be the first choice for this line of work. my paid work experience was comprised entirely of daycare work. my specialization leaned more towards physics and english, rather than business and software. i'm not sure what God was trying to tell me when He let me get hired as i thought i was called to stm. my interviewer was reported to have said that i was the most underqualified of the applicants, but i had the most confidence. turns out i got to put my english to good use, editing website material and also organizing their files and whatnot. all those years doing powerpoints for english worship also factored in as i was called upon to make some marketing slideshows. all the research i did before purchasing my computer also helped, giving me a handle on the technical aspects of dealing with software. my manager -- the migration project manager, IT manager and Communications consultant and daughter of the company's president and owner and CEO of everything -- also watches the Office and Scrubs and enjoyed Office Space, fortifying my theory that we can be sure God has placed us somewhere with a purpose when we begin to notice how the sum of our past experiences and hobbies and interests converge in the present. the first year i worked at daycare was the same. i could teach the kids all manner of sports things and pokemon/yugioh tips. those skills are less relevant to industrial valves though.

i got suckered into Project T. because of a last minute injury. good times ensued and much sweat was shed as i landed in the one team that wanted to actually RUN the race. fittingly we won (first TJCAC team to win a Project T. race) a durian by virtue of ridiculous amounts of running. we were also blessed with two very savvy downtowners who knew where everything was. i carried the bag. we came back so early i got to take a very nice and relaxing half-nap in the parking lot grass. it's only prickly if you let your arms touch the grass.

i also got suckered into (assistant) coaching softball. i believe my answer to arthur was "only as a last resort, please". being on staff meant i had to show up for everything. while i would do that anyway, i'd prefer it without the burden of responsibility. i did manage to weasel out of being a carded umpire, but i did end up umpiring all 5 games. as long as there is irony, i'm okay with it. softball stuff has been my sole source of social activity this summer (sharon, your birthday dinner counts as softball, since the public invitation came during practice =D), and probably all year.

some things did not work out quite as well this summer, but i have no major regrets. everything starts to work itself out once i stop trying to control it.

9 / 10