i've been trying...

to have an organic experience like ashanti does. the lather keeps getting on my face. how do i keep it just in my hair?

i've also been mellowing out my music these past 6 months. i accidentally overmellowed into the Norah Jones, Sarah McLachlan, Pilate, Snow Patrol, Coldplay, but i think i'm where i want to be now.

Playlist:
billy joel - piano man
bonnie somerville - winding road
cary brothers - blue eyes
cheap trick - i want you to want me
coldplay - dont panic, the scientist
colin hay - beautiful world, i dont think ill ever get over you, the flying song
communique - evaporate, perfect weapon
counting crows - accidentally in love
cyndi lauper - time after time
death cab for cutie - tiny vessels
del amitri - tell her this
delerium - after all, innocente (ft. leigh nash), myth, silence (ft. sarah mclachlan)
evanescence - my immortal
five for fighting - superman (its not easy)
frou frou - holding out for a hero, let go, shh
howie day - collide
iron & wine - naked as we came, overhead, passing afternoon, such great heights, weary memory
jack johnson - taylor
jason wade - you belong to me
jet - look what youve done
josh joplin - camera one, wonderful ones
keane - somewhere only we know
lifehouse - everything
lipps inc. - funkytown
men at work - overkill
michelle branch - goodbye to you
nena - 99 red balloons (german)
pilate - alright, perfect thrill
relient k - getting into you
rufus wainright - hallelujah
sarah mclachlan - blackbird
shane barnard - you said
sixpence none the richer - breathe your name, dont dream its over, with every breath
snow patrol - run
story of the year - sidewalks
switchfoot - 24, dare you to move, let that be enough, on fire, only hope, this is your life, you
the killers - everything will be alright, mr. brightside, smile like you mean it, somebody told me
the postal service - recycled air, such great heights, we will become silhouettes
the shins - caring is creepy, pressed in a book
warren zevon - keep me in your heart
when in rome - the promise
yann tiersen - comptine d'une ete: l'apres midi

Tiny Terrier Plucked from the Talons of Death

OTTAWA—A tiny Yorkshire Terrier was almost a late night feast when he was attacked by a determined owl last week.

Caillou, a 3-year-old male weighing about 1.6 kilograms, was on the backyard veranda of the home in nearby Rockland he shares with owners Josee Brennan and Jean Lamoureux at about 11.30 p.m.

"We put him outside every night before bedtime," says Brennan.

"Luckily, my partner was watching through the window or else I think the dog would have been gone. He saw this shadow come down, and — it was snowing — he just went outside barefoot and grabbed this thing and started shaking it.

"The dog was under its talons. Jean kept shaking it, and the dog got free. Caillou came back inside ... just soaked in blood. A few seconds later I guess there would have been no dog. It was quite a terrible scene."

Caillou "shivered throughout the night," but a vet said he didn't need stitches in a puncture wound on his neck.

Bird expert Bruce Di Labio examined feathers at the scene and believes the culprit was a great horned owl.

"They'll go after skunks and other prey," he said.

CANADIAN PRESS

upon reading this i was torn between two thoughts. a) i have an affinity for yorkshire terriers, as it was the second dog i've ever played with (but had the common sense to not kiss this one on the nose and get a lip infection like the first time) and they're just about the cutest of dogs, with their highlighted hair and moustaches. like little overtestosteroned korean girls. b) i've been particularly drawn to birds of prey ever since grade three when we did a unit study of birds and i sketched a plastic great horned owl that sat on my teacher's (teacher of the year 1995?) desk. Owls are the real silent killers, not high blood pressure. if you've lost a loved one to heart disease via HBP, apologies. the only way they could've died any quieter would've been death by great horned owl.

so should i gush with pity for the poor doggiewoggie and extol his heroic owner for freeing him from the deadly clutches of a downy assassin of the night? or crow with admiration for a bird that tried to snag a whole dog for dinner? [b] predates (occurs before, not eats) [a] by 2 years so i leaned about 85% towards [b]. plus, i believe that anything named Calliou deserves it.

good thing i ordered it black

Order Now!

Happy Robbie Burns Day

Address to a Haggis - Robbie Burns

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o' need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn,
they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve,
Are bent lyke drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
"Bethankit!" 'hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him ower his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,
Gie her a haggis!

What is Haggis?
A dish consisting of the heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep, calf, etc. (or sometimes of the tripe and chitterlings), minced with suet and oatmeal, seasoned with salt, pepper, onions, etc., and boiled like a large sausage.

Making Haggis

* 1 sheep's stomach bag plus the pluck (lights, liver and heart)
* 1 lb Lean Lamb
* 6 oz Oatmeal
* 8 oz Shredded Suet
* 2 large Onions, chopped
* about 1/4 pint beef stock

* Soak the stomach bag in salted water overnight.
* Place the pluck (lights, liver and heart) in a saucepan with the windpipe hanging over the edge. Cover with water and boil for up to 2 hours hours. Impurities will pass out through the windpipe and so you need to put a basin under it to catch any drippings. Drain well and cool. Remove the windpipe and any gristle or skin..
* Mince the liver and heart with the lamb. (Add some of the lights before mincing if you wish.)
* Toast the oatmeal gently until crisp and pale golden brown.
* Combine the suet and onion with minced mixture. Season well and add enough stock to moisten well. Pack it all into the stomach bag, filling it just over half-full as the stuffing will swell during cooking.
* Tie the bag tightly with the string. Prick the haggis all over with a needle to stop it from bursting as it swells
* Put an upturned plate in the base of a saucepan of boiling water, stand the haggis on this and bring to the boil, and let it boil slowly for about 4 hours.
* Makes enough for 6 to 8 helpings of delicious haggis.

to prove that i'm not a girl

late last year i set out on a mission. not a Christian soul-saving mission, unfortunately, but one of danger and mild intrigue and most people not caring. hush hush secret.

it was the oppurtune moment to GAIN WEIGHT! as christmas dinner times were nigh.
for a few years i had been of equal weight to a scyther (123 lbs (55.8 kg) +/- 2 (0.9), depending on the day of the week). a BMI calulation told me that i was marginally normal for my age and height. BMIs are dreadfully inaccurate, as they do not factor lifestyle or other such intangibles. since i'm honest with myself and know that i am a rather dense chesterfieldian tater, i figured that i just need more mass. so i pigged.

not being a real goal setter i merely aimed for cresting the previous pants-on high of 127 lbs (57.6 kg). my pockets were also full at the time. i finally did it a two weeks ago and have been sitting steady at around 128 lbs (58 kg) with PJ pants, which have negligible mass, and cresting at a milestone 130 lbs (59 kg).

if i ever hit 2.58583 x 10^30 kg, can collapse into a neutron star.

eats, shoots and leaves

so i'm up at around 1 and decided to surf around for urinal targets. i had heard about target stickers that are strategically positioned in the splash-free zone of urinals to encourage splash-free usage (the calculations involved are complex). i happened upon the klokicker

the title links to urinal.net where one can peruse a variety of international urinals. some of them are quite clever. now i want to design a bathroom.

SCRUBS: 4.06 "My Cake"

BATHROOM -- J.D., TURK & CARLA'S APARTMENT
[J.D. attends to his hair in the mirror.]

J.D.'s Narration: Whenever someone close to you dies, it's important to keep your head above water.

He hears water bubbling behind him, then turns.

J.D.: Dan!

[Dan quickly bursts out from beneath the stale bath water.]

Dan: I'm up!

[He spits out some water and coughs.]

J.D.: You know, it wasn't exactly easy showering with you in there.

Dan: Well, it wasn't exactly easy for me, either. You have Dad's butt.

J.D.: You think you'll get out of the tub today?

Dan: Yeah, today doesn't look good - by the way, could you get me another beer?

J.D.: No, look, I put a six-pack for you in the toilet.

[He lifts the lid, revealing the bowl full of ice and cans.]

Dan: Ooh.

J.D.: I gotta go to work!

Dan: [as J.D. exits] Okay, little brother, call me if you need... anything. I mean, anything from this particular area. Ooh. [he picks up the plunger] Hello, my little friend. [he extends the plunger, presses it against a can in the toilet, and draws it back into the bath] Ah! Success.

gimme attention!

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1/ Herman
2/ (lil)Hoimin
3/ Herm

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1/ margaret@wood.ca
2/ Ken William Jennings III
3/ i have good toast

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1/ my brain
2/ my coordination
3/ my asian ankles

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1/ my short femurs
2/ my feminine squeals
3/ how difficult it is to find clothes that fit.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1/ Chinese
2/ Woburn Giftie
3/ astronomus nerdimus

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1/ dismemberment
2/ bills/taxes
3/ being eaten alive

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1/ Pokemon
2/ mayonnaise and mayonnaise accessories
3/ hockey

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1/ hat
2/ socks
3/ jamaican Jesus-fish bracelet

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artistes at the moment):
1/ Pilate
2/ The Killers
3/ Snow Patrol

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1/ mr. brightside - the killers
2/ let go - frou frou
3/ run - snow patrol

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1/ buying a camera
2/ an emotional break-up
3/ Bauer 20-70 rollerblades

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1/ banter
2/ playfulness
3/ sharing milkshakes

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1/ hair
2/ (_!_)
3/ (_!_)hair

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1/ menstruate
2/ kiss my butt
3/ punch faces

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1/ sketching
2/ reading
3/ drawing pixel by pixel on "Texas Instruments' TI-83 plus" graphing calculators

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1/ play hockey
2/ play lacrosse
3/ play football

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1/ snarky television/movie/book critic/columnist
2/ kenjitsu master
3/ Pokemon master

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1/ New Port, California
2/ Everwood, Colorado
3/ Quahog, Rhode Island

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1/ Lorelei/Donovan
2/ Lucretia/Zach
3/ Genevieve/Jan Itor(yahn ee-tor)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1/ learn to hockey stop
2/ save a life
3/ school my grandkids in rollerhockey

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO DO THIS MEME:
1/ the first person you hear saying, "hullabaloo"
2/ the biggest beeeyotch you can find in your pants
3/ your mom

SCRUBS: 1.11 "My Own Personal Jesus"

J.D.'s Narration: Childbirth has been so romanticized.... I guess because if people really knew the truth....

*fantasy*

50s Educational Film
Jackie and Randy are beaming, waving.

Narrator: Congratulations! You're expecting! Don't worry - your doctor will tell you everything you need to know!

J.D. steps into camera shot in a lab coat and horn-rim glasses.

Narrator: Hi, Doctor!

J.D.: You'll fart, pee, puke, and poop in front of ten complete strangers who'll be staring intently at your vagina - which, by the way, has an eighty percent chance of tearing! [thumbs up]

Jackie: [to Randy] You do it.

*end fantasy*

fridges aren't meant for chasing

could've, should've, would've
please think about this carefully. let's not be too rash, too hasty in deciding. give it some time and maybe things will sort themselves out. what everyone else thinks isn't paramount, we are not everyone. why don't you give us a chance to fix it? is it even broken, or was it just out of style? did something new and improved come along? what are you running from? if that's what you want, just say so. that wasn't very nice, wasn't very comfortable, wasn't very personable. i made the choice and i don't think that is was the wrong one, but if you think so then what i think doesn't really matter. i meant it all and i believed you did too. would you feel as bad if you just simply wanted to?

did
oh, okay.

Jung Typology Test (click)

Your Type is INFJ
78%/67%Introverted
78%/67% Intuitive
22%/11% Feeling
44%/1% Judging
i took it twice.
INFJ type description by D.Keirsey
INFJ type description by J. Butt and M.M. Heiss

Qualitative analysis of your type formula
* very expressed introvert
* very expressed intuitive personality
* slightly expressed feeling personality
* moderately expressed judging personality

dromedary mantis

where are the instructions?

O CAAAAANNAAAAADDAAAAA

1 Russia vs 6 Canada Final

good job boys.
back to no-hockey.

YM Gender Bender: say anything!

one time, my crush and i both missed our bus and he offered to walk me home. it was like a dream come true. i swear my knees were shaking the whole time. now it had rained the previous night and it was the middle of january so it was pretty slippery. i guess wobbly knees and icy sidewalks are a bad combination. i fell on my butt right in front of his face. i was so embarassed! the worst thing was that he laughed right in front of my face and didn't even help me up! needless to say he quickly became my ex-crush.
- sore 11, minnesota
trauma factor **

i go to an enriched math class in a neighboring high school and was attending when i had my first period. the boy next to me thought i'd been shot and squealed. the girl behind him handed me a quarter. most of the other girls just giggled but i couldn't leave the class because it would've been messy. the teacher had to send someone for paper towels and the janitor. when my mom came early to pick me up she gave me "the talk" then and there in front of all my friends back at school. and it wasn't the birds and bees version.
white pants = bad idea 12, wisconsin
trauma factor ****

i don't know why i'm writing to you but i'm a boy.
XY 17, Washington
trauma factor *****

okay, i made all those up. but here's one that's disturbing. both in content and the fact that i dug it up.

While snowboarding last year, I spied my crush at the bottom of the hill. To impress him, I wanted to go down the 10-foot jump. I landed perfectly, but my baggy boarder's pants fell down and all you could see was my pink thong! The boy I liked saw, and said, "Hey this isn't a nudist hill!" From that day forth I still can't look him in the eye.

— Melissa, 13, Seattle, WA

how many 13 yr olds wear thongs to ski/board?