pocketfish parenting - 1: the potty

i'm quite sure my readership is not at the parenting stage (yet/anytime soon) but it doesn't hurt to prepare. presenting, on a bit of a lark, pocketfish parenting: ideas i have or encounter that i will try to remember for the future.

Parent Hacks posted something on using Ping-Pong balls as a potty training prop back in october and i thought i'd share.

of course, commentors were quick to point out that ping-pong balls are not as fun to fish out once they've been doused. the physics major (that is still) in me would also like to point out the splash factor involved with spraying a spherical object. mess minimization is key, so really, ping-pong ball sits in the half-good idea pile.

my top three props:

1. ice cube: floats and melts, and if you suck and hit the hole, it will splash back. fun for the whole family.
2. paper "boat": tap into those innate violent male predilections for destruction and tell your boy to sink that battle ship.
3. cheerios: the one with the hole that doesn't splash back. flushable, and feeds the goldfish in the sewers.

i don't remember ever getting such things to play with as a kid but i will definitely go play now.

2:00 am

is when my writing turns to cheese. 3:00 is when it turns to yogurt.

i am sitting here trying to finish this last essay (i'm on the conclusion), but i already know the whole thing is a write off. the one i finished yesterday was of equal (lack of) quality, but longer.

i don't like being pressed for time when writing. i don't like writing about things that barely interest me. but i still like writing, and in order to improve on it, i have to suck it up and take english courses so that i can learn to think and communicate coherently. it's not about the marks. so i tell myself.

i take it as a sign of improvement that i can recognize my own fecal matter for what it is when i read it because it means i can also recognize when i drop a log of gold.

i am definitely not proud of myself now, but i am definitely not going to waste time and energy beating myself up over it either. i think i relish my own ambivalence.

i have writer's block. i've had it for three weeks. what i've handed in, and what i will hand in are all essentially the same topic but with different citations and sources and for different courses. if anything, i am being economical.

it's not real writer's block, or else i would not have written here. this is literary pacing. my thoughts are being published unfiltered. i think pretty grammatically correctly, no?

in conclusion, i really dislike saying that. i dislike writing conclusions in general because i am not a very conclusive person. there is a giant paper mache piggy bank that sits unwinged, unpainted and unfinished to testify to this. all my previous english teachers noted that my conclusions could stand for improvement, but they've never actually explained how to do so. come to think of it, did i ever learn anything in english other than the jargon of literary criticism? there were no lessons on how to write better, how to overcome blockages, how to conclude essays, how to formulate theses... at least not in high school. all we did was read and talk about it. and then write about it. then wince at the mark.

when writing an assignment, i've always done so with an ulterior motive: entertainment. i try to entertain the teacher reading my paper. i let myself play with the words, with the tropes, with the concepts. not very good at it though. i alliterate like an anglo-saxon. these essays are not entertaining. they are likely to sound highly uneducated and a bit raving. my suffering becomes their suffering. reading bad writing causes a visceral pain.

i've gone and blogged for twenty minutes when i could have finished that last essay.

Do You Realize?

do you realize
that you have the most beautiful face?
do you realize
we're floating in space?
do you realize
that happiness makes you cry?

do you realize
that everyone
you know
someday
will die?

and instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know you realize
that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good things last
you realize the sun doesn't go down
it's just an illusion caused
by the world spinning 'round

do you realize

do you realize
that everyone
you know
someday
will die?

and instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know you realize
that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good things last
you realize the sun doesn't go down
it's just an illusion caused
by the world spinning 'round

do you realize
that you have the most beautiful face?
do you realize?

original version: The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize? (4.08 MB)
remixed version: The Postal Service - Do You Realize? (5.55 MB)

ripening

i figured out why 11 year old girls kept having crushes on me a couple of years ago: i had the apparent maturity of a very cool 15 year old. now i am a very awkward 17.

i wish i were this nerdy

this guy has a workroom with three walls covered in storage bins of LEGO. what is worth noting is that this guy has a wife =D there is hope!

Things you CAN'T do when you're NOT in a pool

www.dontbethatguy.com

this is genius. i love the music and the last bit.

am i easy?

yesterday, before heading downtown to my program's seminar, i lost my shoe-shopping-with-a-girl virginity.

i was loitering at Scarborough Town Centre before it was time to subway down. walking past Le Chateau i saw a friend from my program trying on shoes. so i waddled into the women's shoes section of Le Chateau and said hello. we decided to wait and subway together. she was looking for shoes because her dress shoes were back home in Ottawa and she had a residence dance to attend on Thursday.

very out of place, i stood around and commented when asked about which shoe looked better. she was planning on wearing a simple black dress (the one that every woman should have) and wanted something to match and dance in. they were the kind with pointed toes and about 1.75" of heel. she didn't want a strapped heel as that would chafe and annoy.

"how do these look?" they were velvety navy with a strap across the top of the shoe (where the toe coverage begins) and a subtle buckle.

"are you going to be wearing a belt?"

"no. why do you ask?"

"because the shoes have buckles."

"haha, that's so cute! you want the buckles to match with a belt!"

"i hear they're in fashion now, wearing a belt over a long shirt or dress for no reason. i guess it's slimming. i wouldn't wear a belt unless i had something to clip to it" (i recently had a mini-tutorial on the 80s fashion that was making a comeback because someone asked if that puffed up ponytail over the head was a cool look).

"i'm not that fashionable so i don't have one of those belts."

she settled on the pair that she was trying when i walked in (glossy leather pattern with criss-crossing overlays) because it was the kind of shoe that you could either dress up or dress down. shoe shopping is a science.

while waiting for the sales lady (who did not ask me if i needed any help with a selection, by the way. disappointed) to come back with a pair of shoes of a particular size, my friend went to look for handbags to go with the shoes and the dress.

"how does this look? i don't really like the straps across the front." she tucked the tails into the main band.

while lining up she decided to forgo buying the handbag ($30!) as she paid for her shoes. 20 minutes in Le Chateau and i lost my shoe-shopping-with-a-girl virginity. i wasn't even aware i was losing it until it was gone.

we arrived at Bloor and Spadina about 20 minutes early so we scouted the area for some place to buy a handbag. on a lark, i suggested that we go to the Jewish Community Centre to check out their (nonexistent) selection. so we traipsed in and someone asked us if we needed help and my friend asked if there was any place nearby that sold handbags. we were directed (in all seriousness, as the Jewish are a helpful folk) to either the fancy shopping district (Yonge) or the Shoppers Drug Mart across the street. Shoppers Drug Mart it was.

i almost lost my handbag-shopping-with-a-girl virginity (again), but i was spared by their low selection.


note: the first shopping-with-a-girl virginity that i lost was, naturally, my hockey-stick-shopping-with-a-girl virginity on the last day of grade 9. she bought a Jofa, which led me to my eventual purchase of the Jofa i wield today. my hat/jersey/cd/laptop/lampshade-shopping-with-a-girl virginities are still up for grabs.

thanks for nothing

i held the door for someone today.
she said thank you.
i let go of the door and turned around to make sure she got through.
she got stuck.

because i care

about your banana =]

do

i hadn't driven up Reesor at night for a few weeks and i got the chance tonight. it was darker than i remembered. i got to use the high beams. i like high beams because it makes me feel polite when i lower them for traffic ahead. i like using them when going up hills and then turning it down as i crest the top so that the light points to the road ahead.

i zipped along at about 96 kph. fast enough so that i could pass the 60 sign without it registering in my mind. i slowed for the railroad tracks because they were bumpy. and there was a blind bend after the second one. back on straight road i let the Yaris play, dodging pair of raccoons who had dirtied the road with their hemoglobin. they hid their bandit-faces. possibly in shame for the mess they made.

i wondered what would happen if a deer crossed my path. i was already pushing 100 and even on high beams, i was probably overrunning my headlights.

i eased off the gas.

a flash of white and russet caught my eye and she came into full view, padding elegantly across the road with eyes lidded from the sudden light as i neared. i glided to a stop just as the doe finished crossing the opposite lane. she tossed a look over her shoulder and flicked her tail as she waded into the grass, out of the glare and back into the night.

EDIT: Sunday, November 19
Driving home along 14th Ave today after church, i encountered another deer, a juvenile buck that traipsed across a few fields and the road. i stopped to watch it bound away to the north over the corn stalks that had been cut down for winter. where his herd was, i do not know.

influence

300th post: the songs in my head

Dirty Vegas - Days Go By

i didn't think much of the original dance-y overproduced version of this song until i heard the acoustic one. this is the semi-acoustic live version. i couldn't find the fully acoustic version. i thought dirty vegas was black, just like i thought fefe dobson was white.

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

there's some creepy staring in this video, but you'll get over it. the woman is Lisa Hannigan, who sings with him. she has an awesome lilt. and you will also see that her sweater looks like kelp.

Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk - Paperweight

i obviously like duets. Joshua Radin is featured a few times on Scrubs. that is because Zach Braff seems to have a man-crush on him. Radin has two songs on the soundtrack of Braff's latest movie, The Last Kiss. it is a morally ambiguous movie.

Danny Boy (4.72 MB) (right-click, save-as)

yes, that Irish song. there are many recordings of this, but i found one by an actual Irish group... called Celtic Woman. one of them sings it. i tried to post this on sunday as in a flash inline player, but i am incompetent (and blogger dislikes javascripts in their posts). this video is some old jazz pianist playing a jazz version. jazz piano reminds me of Everwood. one of my favouritest songs ever.

almost famous

since i have an essay due tomorrow, i decided to google myself. and this time i didn't quit because of grossoutedness at the first three or four hits that lead to that Asian male model by the same name. i only resent him for becoming a male model before me. now if i ever make it big in the male modeling scene, i'd just be a poser. that pun was so intentional.

there was also this amazing blog post by some guy. awkward.

but i digress (continually further from writing this essay).

i found two hits that were actually me! the first being this blog, nestled somewhere in the middle of page two. at the end of page three i found something of mine that made me laugh. click here! it's so nerd.

also: the genius that is indexed

Word of the Day: astute

as‧tute  /əˈstut, əˈstyut/ [uh-stoot, uh-styoot]
-adjective

1. of keen penetration or discernment; sagacious: an astute analysis.
2. clever; cunning; ingenious; shrewd: an astute merchandising program; an astute manipulation of facts.
[Origin: 1605–15; <>astūtus shrewd, sly, cunning, equiv. to astū- (s. of astus) cleverness + -tus adj. suffix]

—Related forms
as‧tute‧ly, adverb
as‧tute‧ness, noun

—Synonyms 1. smart, quick, perceptive. 2. artful, crafty, wily, sly.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

this is one of the most cherished words in my lexicon, partly because i fancy myself as being astute, but mostly because it sounds like an onomatopoeic synonym for flatulence.

Armchair Coach: Captain Down

Mats Sundin suffered a small ligament tear in his right elbow on Monday night's win over Philadelphia, and will be out of the lineup for 3-4 weeks.

Losing the team captain at any time is a terrible blow, but things could be worse. The Leaf schedule has a small lull in action, compared to the exorbitant number of games Toronto has played so far. Starting this Thursday until the end of the month, the Leafs will play Boston 5 times, and Montreal, Buffalo, New Jersey, New York Islanders, Washington and Atlanta once. That's 11 games in 22 days, 7 of which are against Northeast division rivals, but 5 against bottom-feeding Boston, so it will be a very good opportunity to put some distance between ourselves and Montreal. While no team can really be called a pushover, the teams we will be facing the rest of this month have been handled quite well by the Leafs this year (and last in the case of Atlanta). Still, they have to be careful and play a simple game. There are points to be had here.

With Sundin down, it will be more difficult, but Pavel Kubina is slated to return tomorrow night in Boston, bolstering a very strong defensive corps of McCabe, Kaberle, Gill, White and Bell (thus finally relegating Belak to the bench). The minutes Sundin used to eat (almost 20 per game) will filter down to the fourth line and give the Leafs fresher legs throughout the team.

Down the middle, the Leafs' glut of centre-icemen comes into play as Sundin is backed up by Peca, Wellwood, Stajan, Pohl and Antropov. Due to recent successes (5-1 in the last six games), it is likely that the Peca and Stajan lines will remain intact, with Peca's maintaining defensive duties while Stajan's continues to click for secondary (and sometimes primary) scoring. Wellwood will likely get the first line duties between Antropov and Ponikarovsky*.

Special teams will probably take the biggest hit, what with Sundin playing the top lines on both the powerplay and penalty kill. Wellwood and Stajan will need to step up and take charge of the powerplay down low to open up shots from the point.

*JABS post on the matter. looks like we're all thinking the same thing

if you could be...

any existing animal in the world, what would you choose to be?

on land, i would probably be a cheetah.
by sea, a dolphin. or maybe a thresher shark.
in the air, definitely a peregrine falcon.

hat-hair

at that moment the breeze calmed and the furious chewing of a nearby squirrel paused. he tugged the bill of his cap a little lower over his face. an ant crawled up his arm and tip-toed out of view. it drew his attention to the rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing. largo - slowly, broadly. he squinted in the sun and caught a hint of an underlying beat. andante - the gait of a man without a care in the world, and a mild limp due to the pressure difference between the atria and ventricles. a syncopation. jazzy. my heart knows jazz. or does jazz know the heart?.

"i see a rabbit with a toque."

he turned to face her and some grass poked into his ear. she turned to face him when he did not answer. staring contest? she asked with her eyes.

"what?" she asked with her voice.

"how can you tell it's a rabbit if it's wearing a toque?"

she rolled over onto her side and pillowed her head with an arm. the waning sunlight back-lit her hair. time to take a mental picture.

"why do you always ruin my cloud animals?" she curled her legs. if the rabbit-with-a-toque looked down now, she'd be a question mark, dotted by the shoes that she had neatly slipped off earlier. but clouds don't know what question marks are, so the cleverness was lost on it.

"because you have an anger-dimple, and i like it. there it is," he poked her chin, left of her pout.

a pinch of grass suddenly found themselves flung onto his face. more than a few poked his face-up ear. matching. grass for brains is just fresh straw for brains.

the squirrel took to chewing again and the breeze swept away the grass and giggles in its wake. he turned back to face the sky. it really does look like a rabbit with a toque. he measured an allegretto now, the skip of a little boy who just won sixteen marbles, who had the pockets to carry them all. she grabbed his hat, filled it with grass and dumped it on his face.