18.2.06

bamph

is my new catch-word. i don't know where it came from, but i seem to recall it being the "noise" nightcrawler makes when he teleports. so i googled it to make sure and found bamph.com, a blog of random stuff. and the first entry i see is about the washington post's article on neologism. needless to say, this tickled my engrish.

neologisms
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole

15.2.06

introducing professor shakespeare

before we begin i'd like to thank the 11 girls who sent me a valentine card. and the 2 boys who did as well. i'm much touched.

before Clinton, i thought 'oral sex' meant you quoted poetry to each other.
- Professor Shakespeare (15/2/06)

13.2.06

1

11.2.06

my desktop

5.2.06

greetings

from the keyboard of an asus z63a...
i had a big, dopey grin on for most of friday, like a woman on the day of her wedding, or an arctic coal miner who has just received his mail-order bride.

1.2.06

C12H22O11 deal!

Hi, Herman

Here is the confirmed detail:

Asus Notebook Z63A

Pentium M 750 (1.86G)

Free Case Logic Sleeve

1GB (1 x 1024MB) RAM

Western Digital 60GB 5400rpm Hard Drive

DVD & CDRW Combo Drive
Wireless-G & Gigabit Lan
Logitech Wireless mouse / Carrying Case
14” Enhanced (Crystal View) wide screen

To be picked up on Friday, Feb 03, 2006 at Markham store


if you are looking for a cool, well-built laptop at a low price from a local dealer:
CanadaSys.com

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