breaking ice

today was my first official day of classes at OISE. i had physics in the morning (8:30) and english in the late afternoon (3:00). as is customary (and required by school policy), i was innundated with syllabi; every assignment, test, activity, mega-crazy group project was outlined with the mark and due date displayed.

i understand the reasoning behind giving out course outlines on the first day, going over course and school policies on behaviour, professionalism and plagiarism, but it makes it no less daunting. some of these assignments are not only massive, but very clearly above and beyond where i would guage my ability to be. for a couple of moments today, i contemplated freaking out (just a little bit) and considering other career options (birdwatching still very much in the picture).

fortunately, i've been reading ahead in my Psychological Foundations for Learning and Development class (which i will take for the first time next Thursday due to school policy regarding religious observances). Piaget surmised that learning and growth resulted from disequilibrium -- phenomena or situations that defy previously held schemes, beliefs -- forcing the mind to adapt and rethink and expand upon those old mental models to try and reach equilibrium again. learning is facilitated most readily in an environment that hits that sweet spot of disequilibrium: not too easy, not too hard.

this means getting uncomfortable and being unsatisfied with myself and striving for more out of myself. when first contemplating possible careers, i told myself that i would not want to do a performance related profession, like cooking, painting, acting, etc. naturally i chose the one career that makes you stand up in front of at least 60 people a day and interact with them in mindbogglingly creative, engaging and informative ways so that they can pursue fruitful careers and support their own livelihoods and the well-being of their families. no pressure. of course all of life is a performance and you'll always have someone watching over what you are doing and evaluating you. to prevent anxiety from taking me to an early grave, i must remember daily that i am performing for an audience of One (well, Three in One).

hopefully this will be reflected in my actions and choices as my instructors are taking the time to know their students personally with vested interest in our futures. it was somewhat surprising to find out that they followed the careers of the students they've taken under their wings quite religiously and it was totally encouraging; i am now full of courage.

new courage helps in first day situations. each class has 'forced' student interaction through a variation of the same icebreaking game: profile hunt. a certain quality or achievement is listed and you have to find a classmate who fits the profile (e.g. has at least two kids, fluently speaks at least 3 languages, has read at least one Harry Potter book). this forces us to talk to people and to try to get to know at least one thing about them.

i've played this game before and it can be done extremely shallowly if one so chooses. since these are going to be the people i am going to be stepping into the professional world with, i decided to strive for a little bit more than what was on the page. normally i abhor small talk, but it is much easier when you start by telling yourself, "i'm going to care about this person." then small talk is no longer small talk and it is big talk. as a result, i've made a new friend in my english class whom i can conveniently subway with on at least Tuesdays and Fridays because she lives in the east end around Tim and Viv, worked a summer with Edward "Mr. Technology" C. at Seneca, and is one of the bestest friends of Dorcas. i was struck dumb by the number of connections and amount of overlap with someone who was a complete stranger just seven hours ago. i so don't need Facebook.