peace by piece of muffin

of all the courses i'm taking, physics is the one that scares me most. the workload seems to be building up momentum, without me having to actually hand anything in yet. all the preparation for those big assignments are like the shadows that loom ominously as a sign of impending danger. every physics class, while fun and engaging and thoroughly edifying, is another chance to freak out about the future and the possibility of failure. my expectations for myself as a teacher are high, but i clearly have not fully considered the steps necessary to achieving such lofty heights.

as i ate my lunch and did some reading, suddenly very motivated to do course readings and take notes and prepare for future assignments (thank you motivational fear), my mind wandered. my mind wandered to the animals in the courtyard in which i sat (Munk building, pointed out to me by Catherine) and so i watched them.

i watched a squirrel nibble on berries in the bush along the building wall. i watched it climb into a tree and confront the incumbent squirrel; they stared at each other for the longest time before parting ways to different branches of the tree. i watched the sparrows flit about, dipping their heads below the grassline to pick up unseen food. i watched them chirp and chatter to each other.

i had a muffin; it had nuts.

i couldn't finish the muffin, so i disassembled bits of the stump and casually scattered little bits around the bench (the 'bench' was actually a long cement block and i sit there to eat on sunny days). first at quite some distance away; then a little closer and closer and closer. one sparrow saw the first offering and swooped in for a bite. more arrived to feast, never fighting, but noone waiting in line.

i tried to get some to land on the bench next to me so i could see them more closely; it was too early in the relationship for that. they did not mind hopping close along the ground though. at one point, i had about 4 birds within 14 cm of my foot. i stopped seeding the ground with muffin crumbs for awhile, but about a dozen birds remained in the vicinity, hopping around, occasionally peering at me with inquiring gazes.

22 [...] "For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on.
23 "For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.
24 "Consider the [sparrows], for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds! [...]
29 "[Do] not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying.
30 "For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things.
31 "But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you." - Luke 12

and so i was reminded.