Procelain Philosophy 6: Sharing Pains

i'm not very good at sharing about myself; it usually takes an inordinate amount of effort for me to come up with an anecdote from my day. most of the time, the anecdotes i do have are about others and not myself.

much of it has to do with a guardedness that seemed to have appeared around the time of puberty that never exactly came down. if i remember correctly, prior to grade 7 i could unequivocally tell you exactly how i felt about a situation (sad, happy, mad) simply by the expression on my face. then one day i decided not to be such a crybaby and subconsciously took up partial stoicism. it certainly helps in shrugging off potential situations and issues before they can pick up momentum. apparently it is rather noticeable too, which i, ironically, did not notice until some people mentioned it.

another significant reason i can think of as to why i have difficulty talking about what went on in my day has to do with all the talking to myself that i do. when i'm not saying anything outloud, i am likely discussing something with myself, adopting various viewpoints and working out the reasons behind everything. by the time there is opportunity to talk to someone about a situation, i've already talked about it to death with myself. if i were to say it outloud, it would feel like i was repeating myself, and i don't like repeating myself because it seems inefficient.

perhaps my standards for what constitutes a good story to tell are too high. i know i dismiss certain events from my immediate memory for not being interesting enough to illicit a laugh (or emotional response in general; or lively discussion in the comments). i do consider myself to be a rather boring person.

so, the plan for this year (and on) is to spend more time outside my shell, take more risks and be more vulnerable to both good and bad things. letting bad things roll off my back and onto the floor is great and all, but if i don't learn to deal properly with the little bads, i won't be able to deal with the big bads that aren't as rotund when they inevitably rear their ugly heads.