A Series of One Haiku

I farted today.
It smelled like sesame oil.
I can't explain it.

Now You Know: Exceleration

During the month of May, I worked with Excel quite a bit entering marks. The spreadsheet was spread throughout 20+ worksheets (the tabs at the bottom). As a proponent of the keyboard and the speed it offers data entry tasks, it was a chore to navigate between worksheets, to say the least. How I longed for an Alt-Tab-like solution to cycle through the sheets.

Today, I had another data entry task with only two worksheets to flit between. I was already doing everything manually by mouse (copying and pasting some cells to match up to a row in another sheet). Recalling my past despair, I resolved to take a stand and find a keyboard shortcut, even if I had to install AutoHotKey and program one for this very reason.

First things first: when you encounter a problem, it is always best to do some research. Chances are, someone has come across the same issue and already found a solution. So I googled "excel switching worksheets" and found this. By golly, I giggled and clapped my hands for a minute, and then proceeded to put down my task just to write this.

To switch between worksheets in Excel: Ctrl + Pg Up/Pg Dn

On Lemons and Other Tropical Fruits

You know that saying?

If life gives you lemons,
Make lemonade.

It's a pithy saying that's supposed to be a glass half-full outlook on life that will get you through the sour times.

The lemons are a metaphor; e.g. lemons are the orphan babies that American football couples adopt from Asia (Author's note: balderdash).

Lemons also refer to products that are duds, primarily vehicles or electronics. These are products that made it through the manufacturing processes, the quality assurance tests and ended up in the hands of a consumer, only to have him or her discover that the end product leaves a lot to be desired. Any large batch of products will inevitably yield a percentage of lemons. Exercise your warranty.

Funny thing: I like lemons.

Funnier thing: I like grapefruit even more. It is arguably worse metaphorically, being both bigger and more bitter. I don't know if you've had the opportunity to throw a grapefruit before, but let me tell you, it's downright fun. Grapefruit have a heft that is reminiscent of softballs. In fact, softball designs were based on grapefruits (Author's note: absolute habberdashery).

If life were to throw grapefruit instead, life would probably take some measure of sadistic pleasure in doing so.

that

wasn't

so

bad.

oof.

Mystery Bug 2: in the Office

I got into work early this morning. At the doorway to the bathroom I frequent, I beheld an amazing sight. There was a sizeable, light-coloured insect in a state of disassemblage on the floor in front of the door. Picking through the wreckage was a slightly smaller dark insect with a chitanous carapace.

I wanted to stay and watch, but I also had to use the bathroom. After I finished my business, they were still right there on the floor. I hopped back into my office (next to the bathrooms), grabbed a piece of paper, and scooped them up for closer examination on my desk.

Of course, once they were placed on the desk, the still-living insect bolted for the nearest cover (a Compaq Presario v5000). I played hide and seek with it for about 6 minutes, but quickly tired of its survival instincts. What I wanted to see was its gluttony so that I could capture the feeding on camera, so I proferred the remnants of its meal, still on the paper, to the scurrier but to little avail.

Clearly it was not comfortable eating in plain sight where it preceived imminent danger. So I relocated them to the floor under my desk. Under relatively darker evirons, the black bug was content to return to feeding. I filmed it with a point-and-shoot camera (Casio Exilim Z55) that was woefully ill-equipped to handle dark and close-up work. Nonetheless, I faithfully captured the moment the best I could, partially lying on the floor of my room while some automated processes were running.

Fig. 1: Video of Feeding

Naturally, the mystery of the identities of the insects began to draw my attention after the novelty of watching one insect dig through the innards of another, less fortunate insect lost its appeal. For posterity, I took a few snapshots. Again, it must be reiterated that my camera is not built for close-up work, so sadly, the quality leaves a lot to be desired.


Fig. 2: Feeding in the Dark


Fig. 3: Really getting in there


Fig. 4: Nom nom nom nom

During the course of the composition of this post, I did some research into the insects I observed. The living one was easy enough to identify, as I had a specimen that had been stepped on, but remained largely intact (COD: thoracic rupture). It looked like a black beetle that lived on the ground; this was verified by a quick Google Image Search for "Black Ground Beetle".

The edible one proved to be more difficult, owing to several of its body parts being detached and likely missing. Its most striking feature, apart from its ability to separate into pieces, was the pair of filament-like structures protuding from its abdomen. Such a feature is fairly rare in the insect world, allowing me to rule out about 90% of them right away. From this point, I just had to look up pictures for known insects with tail-like structures.

At first, it seemed like Bristletails fit the bill, but closer inspection revealed that bristletails did not have the same kind of long legs seen in the photos. I've finally settled on Mayfly. Mayflies have the filamentous tails and long-ish legs seen in the photographs.

The ground beetle was likely scavenging the remains of a dead mayfly, as beetles generally have a tough time tackling airborne prey. Adult mayflies live only a couple of days, devoting all that time to reproduction. The wings were likely bitten off at the first opportunity to reduce dragging weight.