overdressed

when you're my height and still look and act like a kid, it can be pretty difficult to hold court in a classroom -- you just don't get the respect required. the easiest way to adjust the perception of your age (and thus, your experience level and social power) is to dress and speak accordingly; take full advantage of human psychology.

today i wore a tie. i had decided on a dark gray shirt and the usual black pants with belt ensemble. the shirt was just a solid colour without pattern, so i felt it needed to be kicked up a notch; enter solid black tie. i spent 7 minutes and took about 5 tries remembering how to tie a half-Windsor and getting it to the right length.

the effect was immediate. students would part in the hallways between classes for me a little bit more. rowdiness was hushed with a look. off-the-cuff cussing was immediately followed by apology and demurity. it was sweet.

why does the tie have such symbolic power?

sociologists and psychologists say that from birth, people are innundated with information to process and internalize; the tie is almost always associated with adults in business or other money-moving environments. it symbolizes work and serious stuff. when you see someone wearing a tie, you think, ah, there goes a white-collar working person. most working folk see the tie as a noose that represents the hold their company and the working life has over them. loosening the knot of the tie means you're off duty and ready to go home. casual Fridays usually entail forgoing the tie.

anthropologists say that the tie represents a penis and points everyone's attention towards the wearer's crotch. our primate brains are hardwired to automatically give deference and respect to the tall and well endowed. the necktie says, "i am large and in charge; you will submit and prostrate yourself before me." it is tantamount to wearing a sword, that other ancient phallic symbol of wealth and power.

i say, ties are great because they cover your buttons.