Taylor Mali - What Teachers Make

also titled: "Objection Overruled", or "If things don't work out, you can always go to law school"

By Taylor Mali

a fellow student shared this with my english class.



read-along! since it is transcribed, the structure is probably not as he wrote it, but my best approximation given what i might have done if i were the author.

He says the problem with teachers is,
"What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided
his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

[laughs]

He reminds the other dinner guests
that it's true what they say about teachers:
That those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

[laughs]

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the urge to remind the other dinner guests
that it's also true what they say about lawyers,
Because we're eating, after all,
and this is polite conversation.

"I mean, you're a teacher, Taylor,
Be honest. What do you make?"

And I wish he hadn't done that
(asked me to be honest), because you see,
I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking:
which is, if you ask for it,
then I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder
than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like
a Congressional medal of honor
and I can make an A- feel like
a slap in the face.
"How dare you waste my time
with anything less than your very best."

You want to know what I make?

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence.
"No, you cannot work in groups."
"No, you can't ask a question, so put your hand down."
"Why won't I let you go to the bathroom?
Because you're bored and you don't really have to go, do you?"

You want to know what I make?

I make parents tremble in fear
when I call home at around dinner time:
"Hi, This is Mr. Mali, I hope I haven't called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about
something your son did today. He said,
'Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?'
And it was the noblest act of courage that I have ever seen."
I make parents see their children
for who they are and who they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids question. I make'm criticize.
I make'm apologize and mean it.
I make'm write, write, write, and then I make'm read.
I make'm spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful,
definitely beautiful, over and over again,
until they will never misspell either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And then hide it on their final drafts in English.

I make'm realize that if you got this [points to head]
then you follow this, [points to heart]
and if someone ever tries to judge you, based on what you make,
you give them this! [brandishes finger]

Let me break it down for you,
Let me break it down for you,
so you know what I say is true:
I make a [gorram] difference!
Now, what about you?