every once in awhile i will mentally poll myself for weaknesses that i might be able to improve upon, or at least prop up with a stick, and i came upon one that is potentially disastrous if not taken care of. as Mellyee can attest, i have no idea what to do if i am the target of unwanted female attention. it's not that common a situation to come across, but the tides of society have shifted in recent decades -- i'd probably feel more insulted than relieved if it has never happened.
my fear is that there might be someone attracted to me who will be hurt when i pursue another. in the past, once i noticed the attraction (or had it brought to my attention by the more astute) i would raise the deflector shields and divert remaining power to the awkwardness; or, when i am feeling less noble and more desperate, i might just enjoy the free attention. either option, i'm sure you will all agree, is pretty terrible.
so, fair readers, i ask for your advice and/or experiences in the matter. what are some of the signs that someone is interested? how should a guy properly dissuade a girl from lavishing him with attention that he cannot reciprocate in good faith? how can he do so without embarrassing her or incurring future wrath and/or blood vengeance?
21.10.07
how do i say this without sounding full of myself?
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6 comments:
I just wrote the most insightful comment and it got wiped out... sniffle...
girls are harder to gauge than guys. They're pretty good at hiding it. They do try to catch you when you're not looking I find. (or maybe that's just me hahah!) And there's no cookie cutter answer. But it's more of the extreme. If they're an extrovert and are attentive and caring it may not be out of the ordinary, but if they are more so to you than usual as in it's out of the ordinary than how they treat you it's usually a sign. This scenario can also work the other way. They can suddenly disregard you and not talk to you suddenly out of awkwardness. It's usually what is out of the ordinary. The passive ones are the hard ones to catch.
Now how to deter. I think the problem with us in this day in age we forget to create or draw our boundaries with the opposite sex without even thinking. There are topics of conversation and actions that should not be done which causes misleading or vulnerable situations to create feelings that you may or may not want. If you want it and have pure intentions to get to know the girl then it's ok, but if you're not there with them I would think twice. Such as constant one on one's with them or very deep deep personal sharings. (In which girls have a bad tendency to just do as the guy listens. Girls need to stop.) There are situations you may want to defer to another girl to handle. Your gut instincts are usually correct. If you feel uncomfortable there's usually something wrong. Try to draw your boundary and keep it there and distant yourself carefully and go from there. If you have a boundary that they know and you're not willing to cross it's obvious your interests are not there for them. It's consistency.... When we reach the really grey areas, that's when it becomes a stickler.
the closest male friends I have are for the reasoning that we both established where we stand in our relationship or friendship. We talked it out before or we have acknowledged we are purely brother and sister...
Sorry to continue, we don't need to be ultra uptight about the boundaries. Some are really hard core in saying no driving girls alone EVER! or dont' even stand or talk near to them. No I don't agree... we need to understand each other and friends of the opposite sex are vital and important to our growth. But how often do we do it? Just pull back first if it doesn't work... and it gets very very uncomfortable, the DTR may have to come into play. (Defining the Relationship..) which is an ultra awkward thing to do in hopes no one has to go there but sometimes is necessary. (this is worst case scenario. The biggest thing to keep in mind is girls are 'emotional' based. You have to more create the emotional boundary if not they get attached.... the physical aspect of not driving them around alone etc. that some people do is because the don't want to fall into the emotional bonding time... and what you share with each other. Distance yourself for now. But don't be cold and a jerk either.
here's a very obvious way out that might not always work but you could just act completely oblivious (i've never done that but i've seen it work nicely on my friends before). some girls tend to be very persistent (usually the ones who don't see how anyone who doesn't drag their knuckles when they walk could not like them) so this might not work with those...
whatever happened to good old fashioned ninja-ing these things?
Truthfully, I don't think anyone really knows what to do. There will always be an awkwardness somehow, that's life.
As for understanding females, I believe Oscar Wilde said it the best:
"Women are meant to be loved, not understood."
hahah, mel practically wrote a post there... i think she's got it covered :P also if she reads your blog, then you've probably done something already. sneeeaky..
for antiexamples, refer to angela martin :(
wow, quite a bit to respond to.
mel's comment-post is very thorough, insightful and mostly agreeable. it is more prevention tactics than already-knee-deep-in-drama tactics. any thoughts on what to do when you find that the tide has already come in (without you knowing it)?
larker: i think i've done "oblivious" before (i say that like it's an everyday convention). it works, yes, but not in any kind or conclusive way. it might even be more unkind than "avoidance".
a.: i agree that awkwardness is a fact of life (and my second favourite style of humour), but i think there are people out there who know how to handle these situations (better interpersonal skills). i, for one, know how to dissuade unwanted attention from guys -- not from direct personal experience, but because i am one and i'm an expert now at being shot down gently.
unth: the post was not directed (indirectly) to anyone in particular, but if someone reading was interested in me, i can see how the post might be unfortunately dissuasive; it would be very ironic.
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