sausages and cupcakes

i feel off, disconnected from everything and everyone around me, for so long now that i'm not quite sure i can even recall what i felt before. my pendulum is longer than your's, baby, yeah. T = 2*pi*sqrt(m*L/g) therefore T alpha L^1/2.

as i go about doing the things that i do, it seems like my performance has dropped. i'm a little slower, a little dumber, and it all adds up. the pedal is down but the granny-on-walker is still faster.

maybe i'm not going on all 6 cylinders - i know i'm a 6 cylinder. maybe a few of them are stuck (peanut butter, a la magic school bus - but that was air intake). maybe everything around me is improving while i'm where i always was. short legs are great for acceleration, but in the longer haul it takes more effort i guess.

or maybe i've just begun to see the bigger picture, how inadequate i always was, how much further i need to go. jiminny crickets my ultimate super plan is hard to work up to. there seems to be too much time for commercials and there are no apparent fruits for my labour. so i'm working for an uncertainty, with nothing to show for it for quite a long time. at what point do i slip from patient to stupid stubborn? is there a give up point (not really an option)? or at least a place to rest up for the last legs of the journey? give me something to work with, i'm out of ideas.