i was asked recently if i had a checklist of qualifications or preferences for a spouse. while i don't have such a checklist, keen observers will note that i definitely have a type, which i can elaborate on in a future piece (or you can all just guess). what i can discuss today, however, are the dealbreakers: issues that invoke veto power and will stop me from starting something that i know will crash and burn.
The Hardlines
God:
first and foremost comes faith. there are a slew of reasons regarding obedience, but i think the most convincing argument for myself is a logical one. if my wife does not know God, she will certainly feel like the third wheel in the relationship. it is hardly a loving decision to put someone through that for the rest of her life.
Gender:
this is simply about having the right equipment to complete certain objectives in life, i.e. babies.
Parents:
if my parents, or her parents, do not give the okay to proceed, i would pack up, say thanks, and be on my merry way. i think God confirms a relationship primarily through the parents; who else on earth knows more about you than your parents? i know there are couples that get together and overcome parental pressure, galvanizing a "stronger" relationship, but i'm not that type of person. people that rebel against their parents, for whatever reason, will likely induce similar rebellion in subsequent children. i certainly do not want to get into disputes with potential in-laws. if her parents cannot respect me, there is no way i would let someone i care about get caught in the crossfire; better to cut ties and spare everyone the grief.
Self-Esteem:
i have trouble with girls that hate themselves and who God made them to be; they constantly think they are ugly and/or stupid or some insane dreck like that. i will not brook insult to my superbly refined taste in women.
Some Flexibility Afforded
Career:
i don't think i can see myself marrying a teacher. this is not because teachers make terrible spouses or parents (or else i lose). a teacher couple could potentially both be home after school to spend time with their kids, spend entire summer vacations at home or travelling as a family, etc. this is because i know that we teachers will go on strike every 4 or 5 years. if i married a teacher and we both had to go on strike, the family would suffer tremendously. though all the boons of having similar schedules would result in lots of good times, the threat of any prolonged stretch of strike is enough to cause me pause; this is not a risk i am willing to take without very careful, paranoid financial planning. flexibility is afforded to elementary school teachers or private school teachers (as they are from different unions), or in the event that i am no longer a high school teacher (although, by then, i fully expect to be wed).
