Getting Out of Getting Hit On

"How come no one has harassed me yet?"

- from the Sexual Harassment Complaints Box

For some, getting hit on is an irritation; for others, it is a longed-for luxury. Fact: they're both jealous of each others' ability/inability to get hit on.

For the uninitiated, 'hitting on' someone is a display of attention, subtle or overt, for purposes ranging from self-indulgence in hopes of assauging a fragmentary relationship with an absentee parent to genuine interest in lifelong loving commitment.

For the most part, males are the precipitators of this social intercourse, while females are the recipients. Much has been said about how the male species ought to comport themselves in such a situation to ensure the continuation of their genetic lineage, but precious little has been said about how females can refuse advances effectively to ensure their genetic lineage is not tainted with undesireable traits.

To begin our exploration of this uncharted realm, we must first investigate how the male approaches his quarry before we can discuss how he can be stopped at each stage of his endeavour.

Stage 1: Sight Lines
Males primarily rely on their sight to identify prospective females. The best way to get out of being hit on is to not be hit on at all. Therefore, the main goal is to appear undesirable even if seen. Females can obfuscate their visibility by a variety of methods:

Physical Interference: use the environment to your advantage, ex. hiding behind obstacles, to prevent being seen at all.

Numerical Interference: there is safety in numbers. stay in groups to overwhelm him with too many choices.

Relative Interference: hide yourself in the shadow of someone who can draw off attention, in the same way that Jupiter's immense gravity field wards off asteroid and comets from striking the Earth or the Sun's brilliance washes out the light of the stars.

Mimicry Interference: the perfectly edible Viceroy Butterfly resembles the poisonous Monarch Butterfly and thus hides in plain sight by virtue of being undesirable. Females can adopt this defensive mechanism by exhibiting undesirable traits, ex. public excavation of dried mucus from the nasal cavity.

A difficulty occurs when a female is both vying for attention from a specific person and trying to avoid attention from everyone else. In such a case, an awareness of your surroundings and 'audience' will attract the right male and ward off the rest.

Stage 2: The Approach
Once a female is singled out, the male will try to make his presence known through acts of manliness (headbutting, chest thumping, loud talking) and moving into the female's proximity. Advances are best avoided as early as possible with minimum communication before momentum is built up. Therefore, to avoid being hit on, one must recognize the signs of approach and raise warning of disinterest in advance. Here are a few effective, non-verbal warning signs:

Evasive Maneuvers: most males do not like to be obvious about their intent (at least to third parties), so forcing him to take a meandering, circuitous route to reach your side will be enough to throw him off his game (if he is weak).

Focus Group: take advantage of the presence of your group of friends. The ideal Approach a male desires is one-on-one interaction. Maintain your focus on the group conversation, as any eye contact with the approaching male will only serve to bolster his confidence. Keep him out in the open surrounded by your peers who can cast judgmental glances. Any thoughts of funny business will quickly turn into thoughts of self-defense.

Blunt Force Trauma: if he is within earshot, turn your conversation towards the blunt, hard truth about being a woman. Loud, heated discussions on menstruation, birth canal tearing, mammary gland infections etc. will turn anyone who is not absolutely serious about loving you around.

Stage 3: Conversation
The primary desired result of hitting on a female is for the male to enter her sphere of attention. At this stage, any attention is considered good attention by the male. When a conversation is initiated, the female must reply (because females are incapable of being that rude). Provided the above steps were taken to try to prevent a conversation, the only males that make it this far are a) genuinely interested, b) unconventional and sneaky enough to avoid detection, c) using the power of technology to circumvent stages 1 and 2 (instant messaging, Facebook, email, blog posts with thinly-veiled metaphors and references). Situation a) is probably the most difficult to deal with because it hurts to hurt someone who is genuinely investing time and effort into getting to know you. This does not mean you should give him a chance if you've already decided that he is not a potential. Euthanize his hopes in no uncertain terms, or else he'll come back for seconds due to selective hearing. The following are some examples of effective hope euthanization methods:

"Sorry, I'm not interested in starting a relationship with you."

"My boyfriend/fiancee/husband was thinking of getting that [gadget] too!"

"This ring is really straining my shoulder. I'm not used to the weight."

If, however, the male's courage and persistence is found to be admirable, and your feelings about him range from ambivalent to we-could-make-beautiful-babies, you're looking at a free lunch at the least.

Disclaimer:
The preceding were merely suggestions and should not be taken as Gospel, or even scientific truth. In the event that the male in question is clearly a creep, get the hell out of there.