X-tian Music

for the most part, i do not listen to Christian music. i don't mean that i don't listen to Christian bands (or bands associated with Christianity -- another discussion in an of itself) like Switchfoot, Lifehouse, etc; i mean the stuff we normally sing in service.

i sometimes find myself asking, why is that? everyone else seems to be into it and aware of what songs are floating about on the airwaves, while i remain blissfully ignorant. the only answer i can come up with is that these songs just feel weird. it's like petting a cat (or shark) backwards; neither party really appreciates it.

i write this recently returned from summer retreat. the times of worship we had were quite awesome. except for the little niggling at the back of my mind, that weird feeling that sat there in the corner and looked at me funny. was it because the songs were too high for my range? was it because i took my socks off?

it wasn't the people playing the instruments, singing the songs. it wasn't the people swaying and dancing around me. it wasn't the hard and knotty carpet under my feet. it was something i could feel inherently in the music of some songs that was off-putting.

possible bug-a-boos:
Illogical Lyrics -

open up, you heavenly gates,
let the king of glory in;
open up your hearts to Him,
let the king of glory in

i first encountered this gem at Iawah. it bugged me then (for multiple reasons) and it continues to bug me now. isn't the king of glory already inside? was that line thrown in just for balancing the second half of the quatrain on a metaphorical level? and it's not just the chorus that bugs me; the rest of the song is all over the place in terms of range, direction and tone. this sort of thing really distracts me from worship.

Shoehorning - this is when a contemporary verse is written, or exerpted from another song and literally shoehorned into a rendition of an established hymn, e.g. Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone). when it's done well, such as the aforementioned example, it augments the song and takes it to nifty places. when the verse that's shoehorned in does not work, it blows up the entire song like nobody's business. here's a good hymn: Fairest Lord Jesus. here it is, in my opinion, ruined: Fairest Lord Jesus + shoehorned verse.

i wish i had copies of both that you could listen to. the shoehorned verse is innocuous and unassuming and really dull in writing. musically it sticks out like a thumb that has fingers growing out of it. planting it into the hymn as a chorus only compounds the badness because it is refrained and repeated. the hymn is in C. the chorus is in F. F is the 4th note on the C scale. there aren't any hard and fast rules to songwriting nowadays, but there are things that sound good and things that don't. while F is one of the nice notes on the scale, it is not a standalone note; as such, it is not a standalone key. it's a leading note that is used to build expectation for musical resolution (returning to the home key C or the dominant note G). this verse rips the listener out of the hymn and takes him or her nowhere in particular. and that hurts.

Electric Rock Show Circus - not associated with any particular song; but more of an issue of taste. Christian praise songs have veered into rock concert territory. the songs are all about flashy electric guitar riffs, pounding bass, intricate drum solos and stratospheric vocals. rock is the cool, hip thing to do. it sure does get the crowd going. but when every song seems to be a huge eardrum-busting rock-out show-off fest, i will get up and go. the absolute worst is a balladic hymn song getting an Evanescence Bridge Buster -- you know, like the radio edit of My Immortal. it sort of works in that particular song, but not for praise and worship. the EBB is a commercial gimmick, a hook in the song to lure shallow listeners. P&W is not about glory hogging.

of course, this could all just be an issue of musical taste. i prefer acoustic music, when you can tell if the singers and instrumentalists are actually good at what they do. i like music the same way i like food: slow -- for the purposes of savouring what's in it. for the most part, contemporary Christian music just doesn't do it for me; it is lyrically and musically shallow. there is some really good stuff out there, i'm sure of it; i just can't be bothered to wade through the dross to get to the gold.