i have made a startling breakthrough in social science

everyone loves boobs funbags.

babies are always looking for them.
they're the first thing you notice if you're 4'6".
non-gay guys like them: they are the only things middle/high school jerks consider.
girls are obsessed with them: how big they are, how directly related to self-esteem they are, how they look, how they (the funbags) look when they (the girls) lean over, how much more of a raise (ha) they can garner, etc.

and we all know, by television or film or experience, people like to touch them. a lot. but what has hitherto been unexplored (for many, many reasons) is the fact that people would touch them all the time if they weren't barred by social restraints (ah, Freud).

case in point: stuffing your shirt. this is meant for guys to try because a) girls have real ones, and b) you can't touch real ones without real problems arising. also, no girl is immature enough to actually do this sort of thing.
in this sociology experiment, go stuff your shirt to the approximate shape of a female torso. it doesn't have to be done well and it doesn't have to be even. it merely has to be apparent that your shirt is stuffed to appear boob-like.

now when your friends come up to you and ask you what the peanutbutterandjelly you are doing, they will not ask verbally. nay, fair maiden, they will not even be able to speak through fits of giggles (guys and girls alike because really fake boobs are universally humourous). in fact, the first thing they will do is touch you to confirm that they are fake (guys and girls alike because everyone loves to touch boobs, fake or otherwise). they will grope and fondle and tweak and squeeze, and even bat at your stuffed shirt. some wellminded friends will cup your stuffing into better shape. really close girl friends with a sense of humour will measure you, and possibly lend you garments to augment your figure.

this is also a quick way to find out if someone likes you. the girl who likes you will ignore your boobs completely and only look into your eyes, no matter how enticing your chest may be. she will also tell you you are being a dork and immature and ask, "how will you ever become a good father to my babies if you act like this?"