animal face-off

at 2 pm today i was left with alone with a tv. antics ensued.
the discovery channel yielded a surprising find: Animal Face-Off.
two contestants from the animal kingdom, of the fearsome or large variety, are pitted against each other one-on-one. i happened to watch the hippopotamus vs. the bull shark.

basically, two 'experts' are enlisted to spout propaganda and trash-talk about their respective animals of expertise, trying to one-up each other. and as we all know, watching antisocial scientists talk smack is amusing enough for a show in and of itself. a resin skull of each contestant is brought in for display and analysis to prop the expert's gushing.

from a large block of polystyrene, a model of the skull is sculpted (my new dream job) and then packed in a block of hardening sand. molten aluminum is poured into a hole in the sand box, dissolving the polystyrene away and cooling into an aluminum replica of the skull. this replica is then fitted to animatronics so that approximate measurements can be made of relevant abilities, such as biting force.

their mechanical hippo jaw was submitted to a battery of tests. a pair of watermelons were smashed within the 2 tonnes of biting force, along with a large television. it was also tested in water with a 45 lb kayak. the kayak approximated the size of the bull shark, so it was tossed into the air and then bitten in half for good measure. to simulate the 700 lbs of bull shark, a steel drum filled with water was also bitten and thrashed. however, the combined stress of gripping a 700 lb oil drum and dragging it in and out of the water took it's toll on the animatronic neck and neatly decapitated the hippo in mid shake.

the bull shark was much less impressive, but grosser. they clamped a fish and then simulated the shark-thrash (the shaking of the shark's head which allows the serrated teeth of the lower jaw to saw through flesh) to cleave the fish in half. to simulate the thick hippo skin, they also ripped up a stingray. the water test involved a dead shark of smaller size that they tried to tear up. unfortunatly, due to the limits in polystyrene carving, the teeth were not serrated failed to remove the dead shark head from the dead shark body. it also failed to bite the kayak (another one) with it's not very wide jaws.

the point of all this was to compile sufficient data for a computer simulated encounter between the two combatants. and it verified my belief that hippos are scary, especially when super pissed.

needless to say this has now become my new favourite discovery channel show (sorry mythbusters). it combines animals (which i love), destructive robots (which i find interesting only if they're destructive) and ridiculous fighting scenarios (see xiao xaio), making a ridiculously silly show. obviously i'm very mature.

this show reminded me of another excellent ridiculous fighting scenario i heard on Angel.
who would win in a fight between an Astronaut and a Caveman? discuss.