Underpass Stain Pilgrimage

CHICAGO (Reuters) - A wall stain that some believe depicts the Virgin Mary drew scores of faithful on Thursday to a gritty highway underpass that has become a shrine with flowers, candles and prayers.

The image, which highway engineers said was probably formed by leaking water and winter road salt from the highway above, first began drawing visitors last week. Their numbers grew daily, causing traffic tie-ups in the vicinity and police later blocked-off part of the area.

Some visitors said the yellow, white and gray mark resembles Mexico's Virgin of Guadalupe, a figure popular in the neighborhood northwest of downtown Chicago where the Kennedy Expressway crosses Fullerton Avenue.

"It's a miracle," said one woman, claiming she could see the face of the woman many Christians revere as the mother of Jesus Christ. Some knelt in prayer, others touched the image on the wall and many took pictures using cellular phones.

The Virgin of Guadalupe has been venerated by successive generations of devout Mexicans since she is said to have first appeared to a shepherd in 1531. She is generally depicted in a gown fringed by rays of light.

Highway officials said they planned to leave the wall as it is.

i know there's a Celtic symbolgist out there who's going to say that the stain looks more like a phallic symbol representing the fertility goddess/sacred feminine and that the true king of Britain will climb out from that womb brandishing the sword and crest of Avalon. he will enlist the help of an attractive, French cryptographer and they will go on a wild, dangerous adventure that leads them to Stonehenge, the Vatican and Kanata, Ontario.

meanwhile, the recently appointed pope Benedict XVI, formerly Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (who zinged rats with the authority of Hitler), will visit this underpass, clog up traffic with his entourage, proclaim it as a Christian relic, a sign from God's mother to "do your homework and clean your room", excavate said stain chunk and set it up in the St. Peter's Square. there it will be visited by a closet Mariologist professor of Mideastern Mythology from the University of Cornedbeefwellington, dragging his students on a field trip, who then expounds the significance of Mary's immaculacy.

one of his students, stoned sky high on Sunchips, will gather up the courage and pluck to lick the stain, causing a huge security ruckus. when questioned later by the press upon his release on bail for possession of banned substances as to why he licked the stain, his reply would echo that of the renowned Celtic symbologist except in more PG-13 terms. he would also add that it tasted salty. and the highway officials of Chicago will say, "told you it was just road-salt run-off, basic Horton overland flow." back in Chicago, the compromised bridge will collapse, cause innumerable rush hour traffic deaths and the apocolypse will be upon Chicago and it's suburban regions.

hearing of this, Bruce Willis will blast off into space with Ben Affleck and ruin the wedding that Jennifer Lopez had planned for Ben and Jennifer Garner, complete with Daredevil and Elektra outfits.