how to seduce a hoimin

if you've ever thought to yourself, "hoimin's so dense; how can i ever get him to notice me?" this post is here to help.

Primary Seduction Vectors

do you know the 5 Love Languages? well, now you do. if you're looking to seduce me, you have to speak to me in the langauges of love that i understand. the following are the angles of attack that are most effective against me. we're talking about a 74% success rate of getting me smitten if half of these methods are used -- even accidentally.

Proximity - if you're in my field of vision, or simply sitting near me consistently, i will notice you. the key is being consistent for a few times, and then playing hard-to-get, so that i'll wonder, "hey, i wonder why she doesn't sit nearby anymore." i am highly susceptible to psychological manipulation. this method appeals to my first love language: quality time.

Conversation - let's me get to know you. usually, the more i get to know someone, the easier it is for me to notice how awesome she is. i can't converse very well, so if you're looking to use conversation as a seduction vector, you'll have to do most of the talking. conversation will also allow you to show off how smart, clever and funny you can be. wordplay is an underrated point of attraction. this method appeals to my first love language.

Let Me Get That For You - you can make me feel really pleased with myself by walking around with something awkward-heavy and letting me carry it for you when i ask. same goes for door-opening, shoelace-tying and getting hair out of your eyes when you're up to your elbows in random muck. this method appeals to my second love language: acts of service.

Punching/Slapping/Shin-Kicking/Tripping - just like grade school. i'm sure you remember how. this appeals to my third love language: physical touch.

Secondary Seduction Vectors

the Observer Effect - start some rumours. if everyone starts talking about us even when i've never spoken to you before, it will cause me to start thinking about you.

Special Powers - i'm a big sucker for ladies that have special powers and know how to use them. examples of special powers include: crossword puzzle solving, singing, catching flying objects, making babies do funny things, laughing, eating and communicating with animals.

it is a great time to be a nerd

this past monday was Apple's WWDC (developers conference), where they announced a launched a plethora of promising items (iPhone 2.0 & 3G, OS X Snow Leopard, MobileMe). the upgraded iPhone garnered the greatest amount of attention from the intertubes. i'll admit that i was not interested in the first iPhone, but exposure to it has softened my stance over the months, and now the iPhone 3G's foray into Canada has piqued some interest.

what i was really pleased about was Snow Leopard, the next OS X. it is set to launch next year, which is exactly the time i plan on acquiring a new notebook (see The Plan). it will be light on new visible features, but high in refining processes and performance. its main focus will be utilizing the new hardware (multi-core processors) more efficiently and effectively. while some people find the name confusing, i, for one, think it is awesome. this is not simply because i heart snow leopards, but because the name speaks to the incremental nature of the improvements. essentially, OS X 10.6 will be the same as 10.5 Leopard, but with changes under the hood.

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on Tuesday, June 17, Mozilla will be releasing Firefox 3.0, the much awaited upgrade to the lacklustre Firefox 2.0. even though i'm not a regular Firefox user, i am still excited for this release. from what i've seen in the beta, 3.0 is vastly superior to 2.0 in terms of memory usage, speed and general usability. aside from the wonderful collection of extensions and add-ons, Firefox does a lot of the little things well -- like in-line spellchecking and update management. Mozilla is looking to break the Guiness World Record for number of downloads in one day with Firefox 3.0's release. here's your chance to become part of history, or, if you're like me, wait until the day after, when the servers are less stressed and shaft them out of one more download.

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Opera 9.5 (Kestrel) was finally released today to subdued fanfare (relative to the above news). Opera currently holds 0.7% of the world's marketshare of browsers used. this is reflected in North American usage, but not indicative of European statistics, where it is the browser of choice for a significant number of countries. i've been using Opera since 9.0, so i'm a newbie in comparison to the stalwart users from 1994, when the company first entered the browser market.

like Firefox 3.0, Opera 9.5 is a fairly significant improvement over 9.27. i've been using the alphas and betas upon their respective releases, so the speed increase and some of the features are not quite so novel. however, there have been a few changes made since the last build i used (beta 2). the most marked difference is the new default skin in Windows. i must say that i am not a fan of some aspects of the new look, but they are not too obtrustive. apart from those minor niggles, there is plenty to be pleased about. i will likely devote a separate post to Kestrel in the near future. for the uninitiated, Lifehacker has a short roundup of what's sexy in this latest release.

thx b2 da Ceiling Cat 4 seshun reestor

words i would use to describe a subset of a certain school board's trustees, in lieu of actual sentences, to illustrate the irony of the word trustee

selfish immature self-serving irresponsible unreliable disgusting complacent money-grubbing broken unconscionable autocratic unprofessional disgraceful

so casual, yet so awkward

the favourite time of day for my parents to confront me about my personal life is after dinner, when we're washing the dishes (i.e. when no one else is around and when i cannot escape).

their latest salvo has moved beyond the usual, 'where does [so-and-so] go to school and what does she do?'; or the simple, 'do you have a girlfriend yet?'

now my mom just says, 'herman, your girlfriend must be very domestic, because you totally cannot take care of yourself and it would be very reassuring for me'; 'you know, nowadays it's pretty common for guys to date older women. one or two years older is pretty reasonable' (paraphrased from the cantonese). if i combine together everything she's said on the subject in the past three years, it'd make a decent wish-list.

it also sounds like my dad is the one spreading rumours about who i'm dating. he likes to observe and guess as much as i do. as i said before, with their powers combined, they're pretty accurate most of the time.

they are, by no means, pushy or gossipy people; i think they just want me to be more candid about my feelings because i generally tell them nothing of consequence. i do plan to start once there is something to tell.