because everyone else is talking about it...

this is for the Potter-heads in my readership (all 4 of you that i know of)...

i heard today from a student today that Dumbledore had been outed by his author as a homosexual. this is not a spoiler because it is an irelevant contextualization. this was revealed well after the stories were published and released, and only came about because some insightful reader asked Rowling if Albus Dumbledore ever found true love. if anything, this charges [spoiler] Dumbledore's defeat and imprisonment of Grindelwald [/spoiler] with significance hitherto unforeseen.

naturally, there has been an outpouring of crazy from both ends of the spectrum (e.g. "you ruined Harry Potter for me and now i can't imagine Dumbledore without visualizing him with another man"). in the midst of the crazy, one voice piped up to lay down some fine editorializing. yes, you can all have opinions, but there is a certain level of decorum expected when you express them, especially in a public forum. so i uphold the linked article (mild spoilers) as a model of expressing an opinion in a decorous and well-reasoned manner.

research is a great cure for unsubstantiated ranting and raving.

how do i say this without sounding full of myself?

every once in awhile i will mentally poll myself for weaknesses that i might be able to improve upon, or at least prop up with a stick, and i came upon one that is potentially disastrous if not taken care of. as Mellyee can attest, i have no idea what to do if i am the target of unwanted female attention. it's not that common a situation to come across, but the tides of society have shifted in recent decades -- i'd probably feel more insulted than relieved if it has never happened.

my fear is that there might be someone attracted to me who will be hurt when i pursue another. in the past, once i noticed the attraction (or had it brought to my attention by the more astute) i would raise the deflector shields and divert remaining power to the awkwardness; or, when i am feeling less noble and more desperate, i might just enjoy the free attention. either option, i'm sure you will all agree, is pretty terrible.

so, fair readers, i ask for your advice and/or experiences in the matter. what are some of the signs that someone is interested? how should a guy properly dissuade a girl from lavishing him with attention that he cannot reciprocate in good faith? how can he do so without embarrassing her or incurring future wrath and/or blood vengeance?

gobsmacked

i have been given too many blessings to count. even in the most optimistic light i can hardly be considered deserving of any of these gifts.

my associate teacher just gave me everything he had on grade 12 Physics -- lesson plans, unit plans, assignments, previous tests, exams -- things that would normally take someone starting from scratch two or three years to develop and another five years to develop well. i did not ask him for it and i certainly have not earned it yet, seeing as how today was the second of two orientation days; i haven't even started my placement.

i have just been given 15 years worth of experience to do with as i please. i have been guided and molded, poked and prodded into someone with the passion, ability, and training to put it to good use.

this is the answer to my prayer for more land. this is the answer to my prayer for more responsibility, for more blessings, for more talents, so that i could do more and be more for God. with an answer like this, i have no need to fear inadequacy, nor worry about what trials may come.

so here is me, on the raggedy edge of the rest of my life, exactly where i should be.

all growed up

yesterday, i paid my first credit card bill (ever). i had put off using it until september. i also took the car to get its oil changed since i had the day off. i'm feeling rather aged.

today was the first of two orientation days at my first placement of teachers college. i got all dressed up to differentiate myself from the students so that i wouldn't get kicked out of staff rooms and what not. for every first day of work i've ever had, i've worn my shiny red shirt. it's not actually shiny. i recently acquired some khaki Dockers and remembered that i had brown shoes and a brown jacket. before i knew it, i was dressed like this, sans suspenders and gun.

anyway, i met up and shadowed my Associate Teacher. turns out he also went to OISE, before it was called OISE and had the same physics instructor that i do now. he also did graduate work at UTSC so he knows my undergrad program coordinator there as well. we have eerily similar philosophies about teaching and about physics and he is much nerdier than i am with spreadsheets (i know!). he is definitely a polymath; not of the rote memorization sort, but rather the holistic everything-is-connected sort (which i also fancy myself as being). i think he'll appreciate having someone else to gadget-talk with; he is the department's resident tech consultant (which i usually get defaulted to in most cases).

the one in which i pretend thatsomeone loved me for a little while

when i close my eyes and look real hard, i can see just how far away you are from all the moments we once shared (like the grass-green grass that stood yea tall, the sky-blue sky and the cotton-ball cloud that you thought was a bunny tail); you are so far away it seems i can only see the memories intermingled with scraps of melodies that remind me of how we once had dreams.