its so simple...

The Curse of the Asian Man

hee. the asian man is bitter, but not, apparently, without reason.

The Truth About Asian Women

gee, i sure hope someone finds this offensive.

gumption

"Cee forty-three! Ayche sixty-six! En twelve, oh twelve! Ess two - Hike!"
The characteristic crush of bodies following the snap brought a cheer to the crowd. It was the opening drive of the season opener and the Bison were doing it in style.
The quarterback, Tom Orwell, biochem major, had a bit of a wry wit and wasn't afraid to use it. He liked to name his plays in obscure fashion, drawing on his extensive background in biochemistry.
He slipped into the pocket, the backs were holding the defensive line to the outside. He caught the eye of 14, the left wide-receiver, flitting between two greens on the crossover. He notched his arm back and let it fly. Stewart snagged the ball out of the air and took off, his man still trying to catch up after getting lost in the congestion. The rest of the greens converged on the ball carrier, moths to a flame, and in one slick motion, he flipped it off to 74, Garret, who was streaking to the left flag in the opposite direction, executing a perfect 'oxytocin' pattern.

"Hey, did you hear? Yasser Arafat died this morning."
"No way! What does that mean for Middle Eastern peace?"
"It will probably open the door for more Israeli-Palestinian peace ta-"
"Hey, I'm trying to watch the game here."

unencumbered

how to say 'i love you' in a hopelessly romantic schoolyard crush way: 'as i gazed upon you from afar... blah blah blah... i fell truly, madly, deeply... blah blah blah... enamoured by your beauty... blah blah blah... like the petals of the lily/the pedals of my bike... cannot live without you... something something... dream about watching you sleep... blah blah blah blah blah i love you blah blah blah blah blah...'

how to say 'i love you' just like in the movies: 'you complete me.'

how to say 'i love you' so that she'll marry you: sparkle, sparkle.

how to say 'i love you' in a fraternal/sororal way: 'you're like a brother/sister to me, but not, like, actual brother/sister, but the way black people mean it. i just think it's more meaningful that way.'

how to say 'i love you' in a cousinly way: 'yor so purdy, hyuck.'

how to say 'i love you' in a platonic way: 'i love you (platonically).'

mild disenchantment

Alex: "Male lions are the only cats to have these and they turn darker as they grow older."
Ken: "What are... whiskers?"

National Guard Fighter Jet Strafes School

Click title.

i'm sure we've all thought about doing something destructive to a school at one point or another, usually coinciding with evaluation oppurtunities. accidental as this incident may be, it was a bit surprising. you have to be a supremely incompentent pilot to strafe a school, even at night. there are several telltale signs that you are no longer flying over a firing range and instead deep in suburbia. rows of light standards, for example. frankly i would've expected more from the largest, most well equipped military power in the world, if it weren't for the ample evidence of US fighter pilot incompetency in Afghanistan.

Also:
Man Tries to Convert Lions

...okay. that's FREAKIN' AWESOME!